A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a lot going on in my life right now. I just got a new job that I love and my youngest just graduated from high school and is leaving the nest soon. I also started dating a new guy. He is very handsome, sweet and is in good shape. I like to work out and try to eat healthy etc. He wants a serious relationship which is new to me because I can't seem to find men my age that want something serious. We have been dating almost a month. A week ago he told me he was not happy. He felt like he was doing all the work in the relationship. I would text him suggest things that we could do etc. I had a busy week with one daughter coming home from our of town and the other graduating. I have hatched over only once since my one daughter us still living at home and my house is a mess behind on some remodeling projects so I am a little embarrassed to have people over. We text during the day etc. I usually do not ask where a relationship is going because I do not want to scare the man away. I have had the beginnings of a relationship but, then after a few months the men usually leave because they do not want a serious relationship. So with this man I am willing to do anything because he wants something serious. I am really attracted to him and we do have chemistry. He asked me when we are going to have sex. I wanted to wait another few weeks but gave in because I wanted to make him happy. It was okay but seemed like it was quick almost like a slam bam thank you man. I later on the next day mentioned needing more foreplay. The next day I made dinner for him at his place. We ended up sleeping together again. I wore a cute little teddy and tried to seduce him and show him some of the things I liked. He was not responsive. He went on to say the other day that I did not go along with some of the things he wanted to do and it made him feel rejected. He told me must women he has been with let him do anything with them. So I gave in. It was amazing. I guess I have to be more open and adventurous. I do not want to upset him or make him feel rejected or unhappy. I want to make him happy. This could be my last chance at finding someone. I have two questions. The first is am I being selfish and second should I continue with this relationship,? I know there is no such thing as a perfect person or relationship. Usually one gives more than the other. I am willing to do all I can to make this man happy. So tired of being alone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): Thanks ladies. I am the one who wrote the question. I broke it off with the meathead before I got any responses. I decided to break things off when I told him I needed alone time to think and he called me a weirdo. He then went on to accuse me of seeing someone else. He questioned my maturity. Made me laugh because from my experience with him, he was the one who seemed immature. His idea of romance is like he is back in high school. He only thought about his own needs. Did not listen to what I wanted or take my feelings into account. In mature relationships you want to make the other person happy and in some situations there may have to be some sort of compromise. One does not manipulate the other by saying they feel sad or rejected when they do not get there way. I am an adult woman, who knows what I want in bed. Showing a man what I like should be a turn on for most, had no issues before. If you want to just do whatever to a woman like she is a piece of meat without any respect for her feelings, you are the weirdo. Go get a blow up doll she will not complain. I can see know how women get in relationships with controlling men. I got drawn into it by his use of the words sad and rejection in terms of how he was feeling. It was all a way of him trying to get what he wanted.what a big baby. I already raised my kids. I need a real man! Thanks again ladies??
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 June 2016):
 You are not selfish enough ! After a couple of weeks, you are on a mission to make a man happy who basically you don't even know, ... totally disregarding what makes you happy, or at least comfortable.
Talk is cheap. " I want a serious relationship ". Ah the magic words. Many women, not just you, OP, lose their head instantly when they hear the magic words. Without bothering to check too closely if they are corresponding to what's really going on.
... He is so serious, that he can't wait a few weeks to have sex with you, and can't respect your timing. He is so serious, that he wants you to make " more effort ", although he is well aware of all the things which are going on in your life now and which take over your time and attention. He is so serious that he does not give a fart about what would work for you in bed , and would make you feel secure and cherished , and he is so serious that he has to bully you into performing sexual acts which on your own you would not have wished to do ( although, that at least apparently ended well ) .
I'd say that for sure he is very serious about one thing- very serious in having things his own way, and all his wants and whims catered to.
What it would happen when he's got his fill of having his wants catered to, or when you should decide that you have got wants and needs of your own and he needs to respect them too, it's all to be seen. Maybe you should try- try not to be so subservient and selfless and ready to jump when he says jump- I think the results could be interesting....let's see if Mr. Serious Relationship, then, is so actually relationship oriented when he realizes he would have a relationship with someone who is his equal and has needs of her own....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2016): Wait. Three weeks in he was unhappy bc he was "doing all the work"? It would be reasonable for you to ask WHAT he considered more effort. He had to know about your YOUNGEST leaving soon & home repairs and why you couldn't spend a lot of physical time with him. And just THREE (now only FOUR) weeks in he's butt hurt that there was only a few times you came over? I would say you were taking it slow, which is GOOD and SMART. How would you feel if your daughter moved fast and got used?
After I read this, I made this translation:
I'm putting all the work into it=I've been wooing you but we haven't had sex yet.
You should be more adventurous=I am not interested in foreplay or wooing you, can we move onto the sex now?
I would tell HIM that if HE wants a serious commitment, HE needs to wait on the sex. If he wants a serious commitment, he needs to SLOW IT DOWN. If he in anyway tries to change your mind, its because its sex he's mainly after.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2016):
 I agree with Janniepeg and nonny-female here.
I think you are giving and doing things you aren't quite "ready" for to PLEASE him in the hopes that he will stick around. His attitude towards females in general is ... well, a bit archaic? You should just let him do whatever? YOU have known him a MONTH! There is no huge trust here, there is not a DEEP understanding of each other.
You say you want to make him happy... but what about you? You shouldn't HAVE to give up on what YOU like, what YOU want to "make" him happy. You are not his servant.
Sex (and relationships) are not just about ONE person. It's about two people. But already (ONLY one month in) he is telling you that you don't get to tell him what you like sexually because that hurts his little man-ego? But you should let him do whatever with you, that's OK? Is he serious?
I AM glad I'm not single looking for a partner these days because I see so many posts from women who seem genuinely smart accept all kind of ridiculous crap from men JUST so they can have a relationship. I just don't see it being worth it.
He wouldn't be a Keeper in my book. Someone with such a fragile ego is just not for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2016): It's one thing to want to make someone happy but another to lose your sense of self in the process.You're only a month in so he's still on his best behaviour and already he's bullied you into having sex, not made any effort to please you, then manipulated you into trying things you were uncomfortable with. What a charmer. What's he going to be like 6 then 12 months on?This guy sounds scarily like my ex husband. He acted in a similar way when we first got together. Believe me it gets far worse. You're wrong if you think doing what he wants means he'll be nice to you, quite the opposite. He'll become more demanding and treat you with contempt over time. You may be tired of being alone you have no idea of the misery of living with a selfish, self-centred person. Happy relationships are the ones that involve give and take on both sides.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2016): If you want to be his doormat youre doing an amazing job already. Being bullied into sex before you were ready. His not caring about your needs. His telling you what other women let him do. What a wanker. Seriously he’s not a good man and you need to get the hell away from him as soon as you can. Youre self esteem is already slipping so low you think that he’s your only chance for a relationship. Yes if you like your relationships as you as the maid and fleshlight and hes the one who decides what to do when.
Run for the hills and take a breathe to see why you think any of this is okay. It’s not any friend will tell you you can do far far better than this wanker.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 June 2016):
 No I think he is the selfish one and quite high maintenance in the bedroom. For him, women are in his life to serve his sexual needs and he couldn't care less if you don't get enough foreplay. If you continue with him you will feel more alone because he doesn't care about your needs, just his. You shouldn't put up with selfish and arrogant men so that you don't have to be alone. Also, your idea and his idea of serious relationships can be very different. So don't just jump in when he's the only one saying he wants a serious relationship. He is looking for a subservient woman who dare not speak up for herself. I think you want more of an equal relationship of give and take.
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