A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Quick advice auntsDo I have the right to be upset with my best friend? It was my birthday and we agreed to go to dinner and after drinks or a lounge. All my friends have boyfriends ( who they been with for 1-2 years) and I'm the only single one ( due to me breaking up with my boyfriend because he was mistreating me ) but we all agreed that it'll be my day of fun. Everything went wrong! One friend couldn't make it because she made plans to go out of the city with her boyfriend, but she wants to make it up. I was like wowwww! While at dinner my best friend said she was sleepy and didn't want to go to the lounge but she ordered her boyfriend some dinner to take to him after she spent the weekend with him. Like what type of crap is that? It was my 25th birthday and they only cared about their boyfriends who cheat on them left and right. My other friend who came, she lasted the whole nite with me. I was thankful but she was saying how she was on a budget. My single friend didn't come because her aunt was about to have a baby, I totally understand that. Before my birthday, they all took their boyfriends out of town for their birthdays for a weekend of fun. They didn't say they was on a budget then but when my birthday came they couldn't afford everything that I could. Barely a meal. I didn't want them to pay for nothing because I'm that friend who works a lot so I can afford a lot of things, but I just feel like my birthday didn't matter and I honestly don't want to talk to any of them. I really don't know how long neither. I've been knowing them since high school and they never made me mad but right now I am.These last past two years have been very hard on me, so I did want my birthday to be nice! So next year I definitely don't want to spend my birthday with them, I'm just upset. I think I need days/weeks without talking to them. Am I wrong for not wanting to talk to them?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 I agree with Cindy.
You'd have been better going for dinner or coffee and dessert or something. Spending the rest of the night in a bar is expensive and a lot more aggravation. Drinks cost a lot more, many places charge an entrance fee, then there is arranging transportation there and home, and if you leave it too late, everyone else (hopefully) at the bar is doing the same thing so you'll wait even longer for a cab.
Friends aren't obliged to take on expenses or aggravations just to make your day special. Birthdays happen every year and you don't have to make a fuss of all of them. If you want folks to get together with you, regardless of what day of year it is, then pick something everyone enjoys and can easily afford.
Take some time to cool down, but give your friends a break. A night of drinking is just not most people's cup of tea. Your friends are supposed to be able to celebrate your birthday, not be obliged to suffer through it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 No, you choose who you want to talk to. If you are upset, just wait until you have cooled down to talk to them. I totally get you. Sad truth is that a lot of women start to neglect their friends as soon as they have a boyfriend. I had that happen to me too! And I think they are being dumb to put a boyfriend above friends. You should take the same good care of friends whether you are single or not.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 Nothing wrong with wanting some space. It's not like you have to talk to them everyday, in any case. Busy yourself with work and you'll hardly have enough time for all this.
Unfortunately most people don't understand others problems. Don't take it personally, just stop expecting anything from others, even friends. If there are no expectations, you can't get hurt
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (29 August 2016):
 I guess it's a matter of opinions....
For instance, funnily enough, the only friend whom you sort of gave a pass for not attending is the only one wjo IMO has the weakest excuse . In fact, no excuse. Her aunt is having a baby !?... so what ?, the aunt will only need the medical staff, her partner and, maybe, her mom ,to be there with her ;surely not a whole cheerleading team ; in fact, hordes of relatives clogging the hospital corridors are generally frown upon by the hospital first of all,... and by the mom-to- be too, who does not want a cast of thousands to share this moment.
Points of view vary , mine is that yes, you are a tad overreacting.
The friend who had plans with her boyfriend- if you mean that she had made PREVIOUS plans to be somewhere else, I think it's normal that she did not want to cancel. That would have been very rude for the person she had made plans with, does not matter if he was the bf or another person. It's something she should have been done in an emergency- a birthday dinner is not an emergency, also considering that you had other friends with you anyway.
The one who went home to take dinner to her bf- that, I feel too she was justified. Maybe she was really tired, and did not feel up to a whole one nighter of revelling. Grabbing a bite at home with your bf is surely quicker and less tiring than spending the whole night in crowded noisy places, among rivers of alcohol. She balanced things reasonably- dinner and some celebrations with you first - and then the rest of the night with her bf , or in her own bed.
The one who lasted all night with you but said she was on a budget- well, sure it would have been classier , once she had accepted to be your partner-in-crime for the night, not to bring up money - but, maybe she was just sort of reminding you that she can't match your expenditures ( since you earn much more ) and inviting you to go a little easy with drinks, and club fees or whatnot, because she actually cannot afford to keep up . It's not quite clear to me if you offered to pick up the tab for everything, but, even so, I understand perfectly how one would not like to be indebted to you for a whole expensive all night of partying ,which they would not have chosen to do on their own.
You cannot compare what they spent on their boyfriends - it's a matter of priorities. I am the last in the world to encorage people to ditch their friends once they have got a man, I swear- then again I think that when time and financial means are limited , it's rather normal that a young woman in love tends to put her partner first.
I think this is what you have a hard time accepting. That, since you are single and your friends are paired up, their feelings and appreciation for you are the same,but their preferences, lifestyle and spending choices have naturally changed. You are single and your idea of fun may very well be pulling an all nighter of drinking, dancing, and checking out ( or hitting on , why not ) new guys; but, that may not hold the same attraction anymore for the non single girls; they may tend to want to save money, time and energies for other types of entertainment.
In short... unluckily it's not all about you, not even on your birthday (: Maybe if you had limited the celebratons to a less demanding dinner only, or even just a pre-dinner cocktail , your friends would have partecipated more entusiastically and more sincerely.
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