A
female
age
26-29,
*olitePanda
writes:I have been dating a new guy recently and I have no car, so he usually has to pick me up and take me home. He ended things because I was too far away, despite only being 15 minutes away. Am I selfish for thinking I'm not that far? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 He was just not that into you.
A 15 minutes, even 30 round trip, drive, is NOTHING for a man who is, let alone in love, but just somewhat interested. The " effort " would not even register in his brain.
That's not an encoragement to you to act entitled and feel that all your furure boyfriends are bound to chaffeur yu around. I agree that it would have been smart, and it will be in future, of you to volunteer getting a bus or a cab or lift from a friend every now and then, to save him some commuting. But just out of common courtesy, and to show that you are not a damsel in distress, but a girl who can stand on her own feet- not because picking up somebody ( let alone your girlfriend ! ) at a 15 minutes distance is such a grievous effort !
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (6 September 2016):
I agree that he doesn't sound like he was that interested, however you might also want to consider that a 15 minute trip for you is a 30 minute round trip for him. If he has to pick you up and drop you off that's a whole hour of driving added on to his day which is quite a lot really. It sounds like he's weighed up his options and the relationship just wasn't worth that amount of effort - disappointing indeed but better to find out now than later when you are more invested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016): 15 minutes in the car is not far at all. I drove 90 minutes every weekend to see my boyfriend as he didn't have a car at the time. He is either incredibly lazy (which doesn't make him an attractive prospect anyway)or it was an 'easy' excuse to finish it. Don't assume all men are like this - they won't be.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (6 September 2016):
 Like someone said, a guy who's interested will never ever complain. My now husband went through absolute hell to woo me... And that included him literally begging to drop me off to work and pick me up when I was done!
That being said, I never expected him to do any of this just because I was dating him. You shouldn't feel any sense of entitlement. If you feel that 15 mins is not that far away then why don't you try travelling that distance yourself?
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A
female
reader, PolitePanda +, writes (6 September 2016):
PolitePanda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFrom the answers I'very received, it can be assumed that he wasn't all that in to me. At the same time, it could also be because things are one-sided. While disappointing, I understand.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2016):
 15 minutes is nothing when both people have a car, but when one person is spending gas money doing 100% of the traveling, and you're starting to see each other every day, which turns into you naturally asking for favors from a guy with a car, and it becomes a pretty big stumbling block.
Do you not have public transportation able to get you to where he is? 15 minutes away by car is about 45min away or less by bicycle. Do you have a bicycle?
This guy you're with, if he's your age, might not be rich. He might have a minimum wage job (or no job!) and having to watch every penny. Added on top of the cost of dates, the cost of transportation can go through the roof if he is the only one driving. Have you ever offered gas money to help?? I would, if I had to rely on another's car!
He's looking into the future after the initial dating scene. He's seeing you with no car using him for his car. You'll see 15 minutes as not far, and then it'll be calling him and his car for errands. That may not be true, but it would go through the mind of someone who owns a car seeing someone who doesn't and has no means to get to where they're going without one.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 I second that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2016):
 Well, Panda
When my husband and I met I was on vacation at a ski-resort in the US, I didn't think we had a future because there was 8,000 km (4900 miles) between us.
Yet, here we are almost 20 years later. Where there is a will, there is a way. Or rather WHERE there is a deep connection, there is a will to make it work.
So my thoughts are? You dodged a bullet, he wasn't all that interested and the 15 minute drive was the fastest BS excuse he could think up.
So instead of feeling this righteous indignation that WHY could he JUST drive 15 minutes to see me?! Consider that you now know he wasn't all that into you. Time for you to move on and block this guy.
Don't waste ANY more time on this guy and start telling yourself WHO CARES!! why he didn't want to drive 15 minutes.
He was a dud.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016): A guy who is interested will travel miles and miles without a single complaint ..I just don't think his interest was as great as yours ..However sweetie it's his loss at the end of the day ..
Sometime you have to kiss some toads to get Mr charming
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 September 2016):
 You're not too far.... *but* you should use buses or taxis, not rely on him to use petrol on you repeatedly.
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