A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man a few weeks ago on a dating site app. He definitely came on strong and we texted quite a lot til I agreed to meet. I am very attracted to hm and likewise.He has some issues, recent divorce, job changes, relocation but seems very healthy otherwise.WE went out three times and talk almost every day. Saturday I was supposed to work but I got called out. He had plans to go to a party. I thought he would cancel and come out with me but he didn't and he didn't invite me either (or disclose about the party)Should I be hurt? I mean I am but am I acting irrationally?HE also was quiet all day today and said he was badly hungover..It all feels off.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 September 2016):
 Perhaps another way to look at this is to imagine that you're one of his friends or family members.
What would YOU think of YOUR friend if she discarded you like an empty gum wrapper every time her boyfriend had a change in plans? What would you think if he wanted to tag along every time you two got together?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 I think you need to slow it down. It is okay for him to go to a party alone, you have only been dating for a couple of weeks, you really should not be annoyed, he had made these plans. Maybe he did not want to ask you to someone else's party? Maybe he wanted to spend time with his friends? Maybe he is simply not ready to introduce another woman in to his life? You need to slow things down or you will scare him away.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 You are quick to judge. Nothing is off, you are just trying to move too fast. Its been three dates. You are not an official couple. Its not mandatory to either cancel plans for you or invite you to parties. Right now, you and him are just getting to know one another. In private. Without spectators.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 I agree with Ciar.
In fact , you should be glad that he did not cancel his previous plans just because you happened to be free last minute :)
If he had done that, it would have meant that he is the type of person who thinks nothing of breaking dates, cancelling committments and disappointing people, just because something possibly " better " has popped up last second . Next time, he could have done the same to you.
And if after 3 dates he does not feel ready yet to introducing you to friends and family, that's not strange .
It's only been few weeks and few dates, it is a bit irrational that you expect him to take upon himself the obligations of a boyfriend. Not to mention that he does have quite a few personal issues, so, while this does not have necessarily to prevent you two from getting closer and developping a relationship, it may mean that atm he's got his mind on many other things beyond dating and romance.
I think you should curb your expectations on him, and your emotional involvement, until it is clearer which way things will be going with this guy.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (29 August 2016):
I don't see that he's done anything wrong here. You've only had three dates, haven't known each other long at all, so expecting him to cancel his plans to accommodate you is a bit irrational. And at this early stage it's a bit premature to introduce you to his family and friends.
You need to pace yourself. As has been suggested, have your own life, make your own plans and take things more slowly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2016):
 Yes and no.
It's only bee na few weeks. I don't see that he HAD to take you because YOU were free that night after all, or that he HAD to cancel his plans. Obviously it was a party with friends/family or people he knows well and wanted to spend time with.
You and he are not even an established couple, you are just dating. And it's been 3 dates.
He is RECENTLY divorced which means he has OTHER issues on his shoulders maybe just wanted a night out with fun.
I don't think he owes you squat.
Have a life of your own, go out with friends, visit family ENJOY a night off - for you to want to rely on this guy to entertain you because you unexpectedly got a night off.. it's... needy.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (29 August 2016):
Yes i can understand that you would feel upset and let down.But try and deal with it in your way.He is at the stage that he does not know if he is coming or going in his life and in the meantime,he is on dating sites .parties and would not be in a place to take anyone serious .Its hurtful what he did,...but he could be cooling of,needs space,just wants to do his own thing.Let him contact you,he will do if he wants.In the meantime try and distract yourself with other stuff,for example going out with friends and maybe starting a new interest.Its not easy....but try.Time will sort out your man friend.Kind regards NORA B.
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