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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My BF and I work together.We left early today as our company lets us off early every other Friday.He is my manager and our relationship is kept professional at the office. And it is our private business outside the office.He is very clear on that. He does not like to be lovey dovey at work as it's our place of work and he is very dedicated to his job.When we first got together, he had just come out of a bad relationship and was single but was apprehensive about getting involved with me because I am his employee. But he liked me a lot and we got along so well. One day after a work function he gave me a ride home and we kissed. The rest is history. We have been a couple for almost a year. Some people know about us but not everybody.I sometimes find it hard that he is so professional at work. Sometimes I feel like he is not paying attention or is cold.He says it's because we are at work and he is being professional. It is not something I should take personally.Well, today when we left early, there were a few other employees in the building. Usually if it's just us, we will hang around and talk and he will kiss me good bye. Or we will go for lunch or do something together.Today, he did not kiss me and rushed home because he had to get ready for a business trip. Only a quick goodbye. He said it was because "so and so" were still in the building. I feel cheated of my time with him. Especially today because he is leaving tonight on a business trip until next Wednesday. And I won't be seeing him because I have another job.So, he left without kissing me. And he will be gone for 5 days. Just a crappy way to say goodbye. I am a little upset at him. I feel like he rushed off and did not care.How do I get over that?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 Me and my partner both work together in the same building, and to be honest I would never dream off any public affection, a relationship between an employer and an employee is difficult, but he does need to be professional. Yes it was unfortunate that he was in a rush to leave for five days, but did he give you any attention that morning before work or do you both not see much off each other outside of work hours?
I can tell that this situation is making you happy, maybe you can share some more information about your relationship outside of work. Maybe you are feeling neglected in other areas?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2016):
 It is reasonable, commendable in fact !, that your bf avoids to be lovey dovey at work or to treat you any different from the other employees, and anyway that's the line of behaviour you had agreed upon, so in this light your complaint sounds unjustified. You knew too that " so and so " were still in the building, so why did you expect him to act different ?
Your post , though,sort of makes it sound like you two don't spend time together unless that little time after work, and that's why you feel so deprived ?
What about weekends and holidays, what about evenings / nights ?
If , out of the work place, he does his best to share time , and show you attention and consideration, then no, your complaint is petty .
If you always have to sort of pull his sleeve for kisses and attention, then it's normal that one kiss less, one phone call less , etc. becomes so important to you- but then you have to consider if you are happy with the current relationship , and if you are not, if is there anything you can do to improve things.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (3 September 2016):
 Do you guys spend time together outside of work? To put it more bluntly, 30 minutes after you leave work are you both at either your house of his house, spending time together? The obvious answer is no, so you will have to provide some more background.
So, the next question is how is it that you two have been dating for over a year and don't spend more time together? Also something you will have to explain.
What is obvious is that you do not feel satisfied by the relationship, or the amount of time that you get to spend with him, at this time.
Normally, being upset about something so trivial would be ridiculous, but not in this case. Give us a little more background so we can help you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2016): He's consistent with his professionalism, and you know how he feels about you. When he's on company time and the company premises, he maintains his authority as the manager; and he hasn't shown you any lack of affection or disrespect. You have an understanding about the relationship at work, so I really think you should give him a break this time.
Sometimes people gossip, or haters stir-up commentary about the boss and employees dating. It should be kept as low-key as possible.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (3 September 2016):
 I can understand not feeling cared for in that moment, but he has been consistent about his position on how to approach the workplace romance, and to leave the romance basically at the door. Which is appropriate. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt your feelings, just means that people have different levels of being able to compartmentalize. I think the best way to compromise and prevent this upset in the future is to make sure that the night before one of you has to leave for a worktrip, you make it special and nice so you feel cared for.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (2 September 2016):
 I think you need to take a step back from this situation.
Although I understand you would feel a bit pissy he didn't say goodbye properly after work as he was going away, I feel that due to your professional relationship he is wise to keep work/private life separate.
The workplace is not the situation for lovey-dovey kissing or public displays of affection. It is not professional, and it shows a lack of respect for your colleagues, employers and staff.
You don't see a problem with dating *your boss*, however there are many who might. Other people could feel you might get special treatment, or perhaps know things beyond your paygrade or position. There is also the issue of pillowtalk - about business or personal issues that happen within the office.
Your BF is obviously very professional and career minded. That is a good thing. He does not want to jeopardize his position because of one silly action. If he treated you any different to anyone else in the office he wouldn't be doing his job. It would be preferential treatment, and people would have more than enough rights to complain about it.
You say you have been together nearly a year, yet it seems like you do not spend a whole lot of time together? Are you perhaps wishing your relationship was more committed?
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