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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I love my boyfriend, he is the guy that has been hitting on me for the past three yes so I finally accepted him. During those years we became friends so already he knows a bit more about me. We are four months in a relationship now all has been going great except one thing: he never took me out on a normal date. I never went to his place because he shares a student apartment with his friend and feels like we will be constantly interrupted there. Two days back I read an article on google on how to make him take you out. Since a guy friend of mine has been asking to take me out for fun (he owes me, long story short). I told my boyfriend that my guy friend will be taking me out. On of the advice from the article was that I should go on a trip with a guy friend to make him realize that i am worth a date. He started asking me many questions and why this guy wants to take me out, what is it that he wants in return? So I told him I just need to do something different and go out once in a while. He kept saying that he does not trust the guy and feels like he is going to get hurt. I ended up telling him that he never takes me out, we always crushing at my place (have sex). I cook and serve him all the time, he never buys food and i am also a student it affects my budget. He got hurt we spoke about it, he told me he is broke and still depends on his parents(so am I). I told him i felt like he is using me for his own benefit. I would like for him to get out off his comfort zone and treat me out at least once a month. That would mean a lot to me, also I don't like routines maybe we can chill somewhere nice we don't even have to spend money to go out. Now he keeps making jokes about me being superior and him inferior. He says i am luckier than him, I have parents who do everything for me, unlike him. He has many people he has to look after at home. Considering that he is a straight A student I understand where this might be coming from. Now I feel bad, I am not happy in my situation. I love him but also I feel stuck in something i did not plan for. Even if he takes me out I am going to feel like he reduced money that he should have fed someone who really needs it and gave it all to me. How do we move forward?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 He spent so long chasing you now that he has you he is taking you for granted, he is playing I have no money card. So what? Go for a nature walk, have a picnic, go to the park. It would be a red flag if my boyfriend did not want to take me to shared accommodation. Even if he took you over and cooked a meal for you, not expecting sex. It sounds like he is just looking for someone to have sex with and cook for him. Don't be his slave. You are right to want to be treated better. The thing is though don't try and make him jealous with another guy, just be honest with him, and tell him you want to do more activities together, even free ones. Just not meet up and hang out and have sex.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2016): It's not about the money it's about you wanting some romance! Going for a nice walk is free, a coffee doesn't cost a lot it's just little things to make you feel special! My fiancé was like your boyfriend at first a penniless student over mine all the time not really paying toward the food and we used to have arguments I tried to get through to him it's not the money it's the thought I dnt care if it's a 99p burger lol
Tell your your boyfriend get romancing you!!! Men can be clueless and at that age a little immature (sorry men out there not all of you)
Dnt threaten to go with another guy that'll just put his eager down and he'll go into a sulk boys just need to be told in simple and straight words, your not romancing me lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016): It's not about the money it's about you wanting some romance! Going for a nice walk is free, a coffee doesn't cost a lot it's just little things to make you feel special! My fiancé was like your boyfriend at first a penniless student over mine all the time not really paying toward the food and we used to have arguments I tried to get through to him it's not the money it's the thought I dont care if it's a 99p burger lol Tell your your boyfriend get romancing you!!! Men can be clueless and at that age a little immature (sorry men out there not all of you) Dont threaten to go with another guy that'll just put his eager down and he'll go into a sulk boys just need to be told in simple and straight words, your not romancing me lol
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 Dates doesn't HAVE to cost a lot of money. A picnic at the park or heck even on campus can be done cheaply and you could both bring stuff.
Many places like museums, cinemas and other "amusements" give discount to students. You two could go Dutch/halfsies. And there are PLENTY of things you can do that are FREE.
I wouldn't USE another male friend to make him jealous or to try and make a point because guys don't get that. And your BF didn't either. He sees this dinner with a friend as you considering replacing him by going on a "dinner-date" with a male friend. So that backfired immensely. He is now on the defense, that is why he came up with this laundry list of "woe is me" and you are so much luckier blah blah blah... Sorry THOSE are excuses.
He can EASILY take you out if he wants to and is being creative.
I agree with Cindy that you should try and find something that is FREE for you two to go enjoy, and if he "gets" what you are trying to do and return the favor good, then he might be a keeper... if he keeps whining about all his "woe is me"... maybe he isn't.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (6 September 2016):
 hes a mooch!!! hes treating you like all your good for is sex...i know the type very well. if i were you id get rid of him. hell always have excuses as to why he cant take you out!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 I think your bf is playing dumb. What you care about is not that he should spend money on you, wining you and dining you, right ? but simply that he comes up with some idea of things that you can do together other than napping and having sex !
There are many things that you can do for free or almost for free. It just takes a little initiative, a little browsing a local newspaper or searching on line, and you can find all the free things to do in your area, from free concerts to antique fairs to visiting monuments and parks to taking walks in the nature etc.etc.to just .. go windowwatching downtown. Plus, even if he is on a tight budget, I don't think that for once treating you to an ice cream cone or a cup of coffe or ( gasp ! ) a pizza slice is gonna steal bread right out of the mouth of his family. If it's really like that, well, then he should not even allow himself the luxury to study, he should be at home working and earning money to help out his folks !.
Your bf sounds either very lazy, or very self centered, or probably both. If all he needs is sex and a sofa to lie on to feel entertained and fulfilled, well, he should be smart enough to understand that other people, like you, may feel differently , without being for that materialistic bitches. But my guess is that he knows it- it just works better for him if does not have to do any effort , not even of thinking up something.
Ok, help him out for now : you do the search, you find out that on X day there is a free concert, a free lecture/ conference about a subject you are into , a country fair, or a park where you can have a picnic with food brought from home. If he digs it, fine, then in a couple of times it will be his turn to get creative . If he balks or sulks or finds excuses, - give him his walking paper, he IS taking advantage of you !
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 September 2016):
 You've told him you're unhappy and given him the reason why. It's not an unreasonable request to want to be taken out by your boyfriend, so he either steps up and does as you ask or he continues to not satisfy this part of the relationship.
Like you said, you don't need to spend money there's plenty of stuff you could do for free besides stay at yours and have sex.
I'm sure there's plenty of other guys out there that would happily take you on dates if your current boyfriend won't make the effort to.
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