A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:The relationship between me and my girlfriend of a little over a year has been pretty rough lately. We recently took a break that was originally supposed to be a month. It ended up only being a week. Anyway, during the break I bought some condoms, well when she saw them the day after we got back together she was furious. (we don't use condoms) So now she doesn't trust me and I need to prove to her that I would never cheat on her and that I had no intentions of using the condoms while I still had a chance with her (Which is true).I have promised her I would never do that and I never lie to her, but she can't bring herself to believe me nor let it go. I need to prove to her how much I love her and that I wasn't planning on jumping into bed with some random girl as soon as we were separated. What do I do?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 It doesn't make any sense. I've never heard of someone having a random impulse to buy condoms if they don't use them.
Sounds like you're trying to make light of the situation by just telling us you had no intention to use them so it makes her sound like she's over reacting.
However, because you were on a break, there's technically nothing wrong with your actions.
You made a bit of a silly decision considering you 'had no intention of using them', therefore makes your story hard to believe. But at the end of the day your gf needs to suck it up and you move on from it or you break up for good.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Well the first obvious question is: was the box opened and were any missing? If the box was open and it appeared that some had been used, I'm sure that didn't make her feel great. But at the same time, if you two are not together, technically she has no right to get upset at you for contemplating sleeping with other women. It's not cheating when you are not together. However, try explaining that to an upset woman.
I am a bit baffled as to why you went out and bought the condoms so quickly. It does seem as though you were planning on jumping into bed with anyone willing ASAP. And I see why she would feel that way. To me, the point of a break is to take time away and see if you miss each other and want to reconcile. If I found out that within a week, the other person had thought about sex with someone else so quickly, it may be a deal-breaker for me, as well, as it could indicate where their head was at.
There's nothing you can do to convince her to believe you. The only thing you can do is be honest with her. It's up to her whether she eventually believes you. Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 But if you had no need and no intention of using condoms as long as you had a chance with her... then why the heck did you buy condoms after not even a week from the break up ?
Couldn't you / shouldn't you have waited until the decision after the official one month of your " break " ?
Of course she does not believe you: it makes no sense !
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Can't really add anything to what has already been said, most of which I totally agree with. Just a couple of little things though. In your girlfriend's position I would find it totally insulting that you rushed out and bought condoms so quickly. It wasn't even like it was a definite end to the relationship. Just a "break" (whatever that may mean). It is probably little wonder she doesn't trust you as, if you were ready to move on so quickly and easily, she will see that as you not really being into her. Perhaps she is right? Perhaps you need to end this relationship and move on? Think about it.Secondly, you say you and your girlfriend don't use condoms. I am assuming you use some other reliable method of contraception? If not, then start using condoms. NOW!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 September 2016):
 You are 18-21, you’ve been dating a little over a year, you’re supposed to be in your honeymoon phase.
Instead you had to negotiate a break that was supposed to last a month (which in a relationship of only 13-14 months is a pretty big chunk of time) and in the week you were apart you bought condoms.
So, many questions here.
Why did you have to take a break?
Who initiated the break?
Why did you buy condoms?
Why, if she was the one who initiated the break, would you take her back?
Why are you jumping through hoops to demonstrate love for her? Why isn’t she also jumping through hoops to demonstrate love for you?
What if you did break up? Is that really the worst thing? As you bought condoms, perhaps you saw another future unfolding for you? Why not pursue that future?
Again, many questions....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Here's what's tricky. Does a break mean you are not in a relationship anymore and you are not considered exclusive, or was the purpose of the break just to cool off and reflect? Was there an agreement or did you at some point worry that the break was forever?
Although she does not have any rights to be angry because technically you did not cheat, you really do not have a good explanation of why you bought those condoms without intention of using them. Just to have them in case some girl came along and the opportunity arises, does not convince her that you want to rebuild the relationship. I guess your issues were not resolved and seeing the condoms just trigger another case of insecurity and mistrust. You have to go to the root of what caused the relationship problems from the start.
I guess the only thing you could tell her was that you thought the relationship was over because you don't do breaks well. Tell her now you realize you should have said, "Resolve the issues now or break up forever." You did not expect her to come back in your life so soon, or at all. If you two want to get back together you have to start from a clean slate. You do that by burying past grudges and start anew. Court her officially again. If she can't let it go then maybe you should give up. You can't prove to her you love her. Buying condoms is not exactly loving behavior. More like, you are opening the door for someone else in case you and your ex didn't work out. You can only promise what you do from now on. Before you can love her, you have to start from scratch, rediscover your new selves and prevent future problems from happening.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Honestly, I can see both sides of this one.
You two were on a break, so I assume you were not together as a couple during that time. Unless you two discussed the terms beforehand and it was mutually understood that fidelity was expected on both sides despite the break, technically you were free to do whatever (and with whomever) you wanted. Buying condoms wasn't wrong and even using them wouldn't have been wrong. It does not count as cheating nor even as intent to cheat because it's not possible to cheat on someone you're not committed to (i.e., broken up with.)
BUT the fact you'd been on a break for less than a week and one of the first things you did was go out and buy condoms does kind of give the impression that you were ready to get back out there and start looking for someone else to be intimate with at that point, or maybe that you already had someone in the wings awaiting this break in your relationship. So you have an uphill battle when you try to tell her that your intention all along was to work things out.
Maybe show her your post here?
Other than that, it's going to take time and kind behavior (from both of you) to get your relationship back to a healthy place. Transparency from you, as much as you are comfortable providing, so that she sees there's no one else in your life; and self-control from her, so that the condoms don't continue to be dragged into future disagreements that originally had nothing to do with condoms.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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