A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband is a building contractor and recently met with a woman to give an estimate for repairs at her residence. I accompanied him as we were on our way to dinner after this as it was in the early evening hours however, I remained in the vehicle during the meeting. We assumed it would only take approx 10 minutes or so to give the estimate being the amount of repairs requested, it ended up taking 35 minutes. No big deal, I waited patiently and away we went. As we were on our way out of the drive, he began to give me the low down on the owner, how she bought the place herself, how much money she paid for it, stating that it's almost paid off and what she is looking for as far as repairs etc. etc. Then, as we get closer to our destination he brings up more interesting facts about the potential client... how she told him she used to have people that lived with her ( non related ) he then went on to tell me that she was attacked by a live in not long ago, was wearing a large rock on her hand, was early 30's and not married, she showed him where she was hurt by the attacker, how long it took for law enforcement to arrive etc. etc. and several other personal bits of information. I was not put off by any of this initially until he continued on and until I heard the depth of the conversation and that he listened to all of this. I did not give off any effect of jealousy or anger but I did ask what brought all of this talk of these things and he said she just rambled on after they discussed the repairs. I believe that he should have put up some sort of boundries when she began to share too much information as he was there only to give an estimate and not become a friend or counselor, he is a married man and i am not comfortable with this situation at all. I do trust him certainly however, I do not feel good about the fact that he felt it necessary to listen to her ramble on about her life details. There were other relationship details re: ex-boyfriends that she discussed also during that 1/2 hour. I caught a glimpse of her quickly when we first arrived and she was dressed in a short short skirt and very low cut top and he even mentioned this when he got back in the vehicle, saying “ did you see how she was dressed?" Anyway, after hearing all of this I told him that if this woman accepts his bid, that I would prefer that he does not take this job, as I find it very peculiar that someone offer such information to someone they have never met! On top of the fact that they have been attacked by people, who knows what goes on there? Upon me sharing my request with him regarding this, he immediately said, "sweetie, I am not interested in someone who dresses like that!" I replied "I am not concerned about that, you did not listen to what I just said" He went onto say, " She was not flirting with me" "I am going to do the job for her, it's only going to take a couple of days to complete it" At that point we arrived at our dinner destination and I dropped it from there and went inside kind of was like... what just happened here? I think she was flirting with him and he liked it! I am not a dumbbell, I know that guys look, they like and that is life, but come on, if I did something like that I would be in so much trouble, he would lose his marbles! I feel so taken for granted, like my opinion means nothing, like is stupid written on my forehead? Am I wrong here, or should he have politely changed the subject with her and kept it on business when she started babbling on and on... and am I wrong to ask that he not accept this job? No, I am not worried that he will stray, however, I am not comfy with him working around this environment due to her actions and things she shared about her history as well as the fact that HE listened to it all. Can anyone help me make sense of all of this?
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (10 September 2016):
 In a job like his one and in any customer / client oriented jobs, you will always get a customer who shares too much information, but if you want the job and a good recommendation afterwards, you shut up and listen. It is part of good customer service. Your reaction was way overboard and very insecure. And I promise you that if you continue on this path of getting upset with things that your husband shares with you or dictating who he should interact with or listen to, then your husband is just not going to share anything with you about any of his clients or anything in his life for that matter. I'm sure this will cause a rift in your relationship and you will suddenly find your husband not wanting to discuss anything with you after a while, because he knows it will upset you. I really think you owe your husband an apology.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2016): I'm not sure what he got out of telling YOU all that information - was he trying to wind you up? Why repeat it all? Why would he lose his marbles if you did something like that - is he the overly jealous type? Are there other red flags? Also, it is not right that he got in the car and said "Did you see what she was wearing?" A guy with any manners would have offered the quotation and kept the visit short - especially given that you were waiting in the car. You are not imagining this. You heard and saw reality. She might be trying to pull him but you don't know yet - yes she could be a flirt. Advice - keep a cool head and if he continues to go on about her make a note of what he is telling you so you can review it. Keep an eye on him without being overly clingy. My ex husband used to go on and on about a woman at work - I felt like I knew more about her than I do about myself. He didn't have an affair with her but he did have an affair with someone else. Sometimes it can be an indicator that a guy has the capacity to be interested in another woman in more depth than just visual. There is being polite to clients and then there is wanting to be taken advantage of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2016): Twenty years ago you husband could grumpily mooch about someone's home for two minutes then expect to get the job. Nowadays though people expect a high level of customer service, and for obvious reasons women in particular are choosy about who we have in our homes. I won't have anyone I don't feel I can trust particularly as I live alone. Anyone that cuts me off or is in too much of a rush can forget it. I never go on price alone.I agree she overshared some details of her life with your husband but maybe she does that with everyone. I'm a chatterbox and I once caught myself talking to someone about my father's death! A lot of young women wear short skirts (they're fashionable at the moment) and she could have been dressed as she was because she was about to go out, just as you were. Your husband felt obliged to listen to her ramblings because he had to, then he shared them with you so there's nothing illicit going on.If you force him to back track on the quote there will be consequences. You'll lose income, she will probably leave a bad review online (I did when someone did that to me) and your husband will stop talking to you about his clients in case you lose him more work.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 September 2016):
 I think you are really overthinking this.
Your husband bumped into a chatty client- what's so strange about it ? maybe it's because I live in Italy where people are very talkative, but this happened to me so many times- in the reverse:)- plumbers and electricians and whatnot who want to tell me the whole story of their life ( some were very interesting and dramatic too :). I did not think to put them back to their proper place - as I am very capable to do, I am not shy - because I see nothing wrong with that ( if I am not too busy ). Most people love to talk about themselves, to be under the spotlight at least for that little while they can get an audience who cannot go anywhere . Particularly if something unusual or dramatic just happened to them, as it was for this lady.
Maybe she is lonely, maybe she is an egomaniac...who knows. Any way , she did not flirt, your husband did not flirt- what's the problem ( other than spending 35 boring minutes sitting in the car, but, hey, work is work ). He just listened politely. Did you want him to cut her off mid-phrase " just the facts, ma'am "? - he was NOT going to get the job this way. Business is business, and some times requires to be a bit more social and communicative that you'd normally be. I think it's all in a day work for a contractor.
Why did you ask him to refuse this job if he gets it ? Don't you trust him ? Has he shown himself not trustworthy in the past ?. If you trust him this should not even be an issue - even if he had to work around a young woman in a skimpy bikini making doe eyes at him. He is supposed to be able to carry himself professionally- the way a professional businessman should do, and the way a good HUSBAND should do . He cannot commit to do work only for frail octuagenarian ladies !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2016): There is nothing wrong with you. And there is nothing wrong with how you feel.If I were in your shoes, I would feel exactly the same way.And I would do exactly the same thing. Tell him NOT to take the job.We women have a sixth sense and built in intuition about other women sniffing around our territory. You are simply listening to yours. Good for you.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (8 September 2016):
 It's a quick job, it's money, and she's not a priority, emotionally, for your husband. He sat there listening so he could get the job and get out of there! Yea, she may not be entirely stable but look, there's a balance that goes on ESPECIALLY when you're looking to secure a job, where you're going to want to be empathetic or show you have a listening ear. If he just cut her off, or asserted boundaries where she hadn't even offered the job, you don't know, that could have cost him the job. I think she's just a chatty cathy. Let it be, he's obviously kind of turned off by her and has no interest in anything other than business.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (7 September 2016):
 If his intent was to cheat, I doubt that he would disclose so much information about her. Professionally, she is just another routine business bid and listening to her stuff is part of getting her business. Now, I don't know if he also routinely shares details of his clients with you, but if he doesn't about others but did about this woman, perhaps he may have had some motivation to do that with you. However, if he does chat about his clients with you then the whole conversation is just routine business. Some women think that by flirting they can get a better deal while contractors act like they care what the client talks about in hope of getting the business.
So, to me this isn't about whether she flirted or not but whether he routinely discusses his clients in this depth, and if not then find out what motivated him to do that. Otherwise, I'd drop this issue because it's all part of doing business.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2016): I wouldn't be bothered at all if my husband told me a woman was telling him her life story, my mum tells her life story to her carpenter! She just doesn't know when to shut up but she's not flirting she's just is a chatterbox You weren't there to hear the conversation or what context it was in and your feelings of the woman shouldn't effect your husbands work! My husband often talks about a woman in work how she's taught so many things about his job and how he likes to work with her and they're going on a business trip soon would I say dnt go....ummm no he'd think I dnt trust him when I 100% doI would advise to not interfere with his work and to show him you trust him, like honey said you obviously have insecurities but it's best to talk to your husband about them than coming across jealous
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2016): Re: I believe my husbands client was flirting with him Thank you for your answer, I appreciate your input. You brought a few good points for me to think about for sure. Thanks again. :0)
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 You know you don't know this lady at all, you are lucky to have a husband someone who is caring and who listened to her. For all you know this woman could be really lonely and needed someone to talk to, so what exactly was the harm caused? Your husband told you she was not flirting, she was simply talking to him about her life and problems, she obviously found your husband easy to talk to and therefore took the opportunity to talk to him. So what if she dresses like that, it is up to her if she wears short skirts and low cut tops not for anybody else to judge. The fact that you say you trust your husband but that you asked him to turn down this job shows you are either jealous or insecure in this marriage. Your husband is lucky work is rolling in at a time where a lot of people are struggling to get work, and hear you are asking him to turn work down because a woman had a conversation about herself to him and dressed in something you don't like. I think you are acting over the top. Off course he should take the job.
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