A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:3 months ago my ex boyfriend left me after my miscarriage. He said he don't want to be in a long distance relationship and because my career is not stable so he don't see any future with me . He don't know how to give me any emotional support in this situation so he is leaving me. I never begged.. i took full responsibility..i let him go. I apologised for not working hard and my unstable career and long distance..not even once i accused him that how can you do this to me because on that point of the time i thought there is not point in showing anger.. he doesn't want to be with me..so its right to let him go.We were together for 3 year.After that day i never called him back. I blocked him from everywhere. I am happy that he left me but from last 3-4 days i am regretting my last message to him where i apologized to him for everything.. as if he was an innocent soul. Now i want to shout at him , i want to show anger..i want to tell him he was never good to me he was a horrible person.. now he thinks that he has done nothing wrong to me he was so good to me because of my last message.. this regret is hurting me .. He manipulated ME in all these three years.. he used me physically, emotionally. I want to show him his reality. My brain says don't do that he will never understand.. he never loved you..what is the point of explaining now. But my heart says make him realize what he did to you..I am so confused please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): Hi there,
I am sorry that you are going through that pain.
Dont call him back dont give him importance.
If you call him and complain he will not care. If he cared he never left you. If he cared he never left you after three years when you are dealing with miscarriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): He is very much aware of what he did, but sometimes people do not want to take responsibility for their actions.
Some men think it's weak or unmanly to show emotion or even
apologize when they hurt people. He will have to deal with his bad karma; which will teach each and everyone of us that for everything we do to hurt others, we receive as payback.
Don't suffer waiting for his sympathy. Don't give him power over your emotions.
So you have to be strong in spite of his poor behavior, and move on. You may want to get grief counseling to get you over the emotional-hump. You suffered a double-whammy; when he left you after a miscarriage. That's quite a lot to deal with alone. Seek as much comfort from your family as you can. They are you built-in support-system.
God bless you, my dear!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWill he ever realize what he did to me on his own ?.. how horrible he was to me ?..I never blamed him for anything he still thinks he was too good for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): I am so sorry about the miscarriage. Don't punish yourself or have any regrets about what you've said or done. What's done is done. You paid him a lot of compliments and took responsibility for everything. That doesn't make you stupid, it makes you a kind and caring person. Willing to assume responsibility for her own actions, and wishing ill-will on no one.
In hind-sight, it's natural to wish you had given him a good piece of your mind. Instead, you chose the highroad and decided to leave on decent terms. That's because you are a good person, you had a good and proper upbringing; and you were under the assumption he was a better man than he is. However; your tendency to martyr yourself has to stop.
You are blaming yourself for the miscarriage, and feeling you must apologize to him for that. Oh, my dear, that is so untrue! You are also carrying the weight of your grief for your loss all by yourself. My heart goes out to you.
You will regain your strength and time will heal. All of this is a life-lesson; which will make you so much stronger as a women. I commend you on the strength you have already shown.
He has not given you the tenderness, comforting, and support you deserve. Karma will determine his fate and what price he must pay in restitution. Let him go, you'll be fine. There is a price for cruelty.
As for your career, unstable or not, give it all you've got. It's the quality of your performance that matters most. You may not be applying yourself to the best of your ability; because you don't believe in yourself. If you're weak in any area of your assigned job-tasks, work on it until you're better at it. You may be too wrapped-up in romanticizing about life, and too centered on having a relationship.
Choose another field of employment if you're in over your head. Don't put all of yourself into relationships, letting everything else go to ruin. That is foolish. Time to focus on yourself, doing a better job, and take time-off from being in a relationship. I suspect you're all consumed by trying to have a man in your life, and not applying yourself to your fullest potential.
It's time to concentrate on your independence and liberation; you've overdone the dependency role. You have to survive under your own strength and power.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply. I don't want any apology or explanation .. i regret that i said only good things to him when he decided to break up with me. I put him on pedestal..i praised him a lot.. i blamed myself for everything like everything happend because of me.. even i said i respect your decision. we are not compatible. The more i think about this the more i hate myself. I made him feel like he was good to him he never done anything bad and this break up happend because i was impulsive .. in response to that thing he said.. it okay change yourself you will find someone one day..he even said the day you will change you will be attractive to me Oh god how can i be so stupid. :(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Listen to your brain.
If he is not totally stupid, he KNOWS that he did not behave well , that his actions and attitude were questionable to say the least, that he HURT you.
He just does not give a f..k. He wanted to get out of this relationship,- he got what he wanted, and as far as he is concerned, end of story for him.
Your brain is advising you very wisely. Don't wait for him to give you maybe closure or apologies or explanations- decide to give yourself your own closure.
It's over; it's done. This person could not and would not make you happy, - his presence in his life is totally superfluous , then. And, since he is totally superfluous for your present and future weelbeing , ... who CARES what he realizes or don't realize , understands or does not undewrstand ??
Let it go- let HIM go. The least energy you consciouslu choose to focus on him, the faster you will be moving on .
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (7 February 2017):
Forget him, he sounds like an awful person and you can't make someone like that see how awful he his.
Make an appointment with your doctor and get a referral for a good grief counselor then go see him or her.
Good luck?
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