A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear friendsWell I'm quite scared my girlfriend will break up with me.I have had three relationships and the previous two both progressed the same way. It was perfect for a while, then they started to criticise me, act a bit cold. Then one day they'd say they didn't feel the same and had forgotten how they felt at the start. but we'd continue. Then after a while they'd say they just wanted to be friends.I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 1 year, and she is really perfect for me, we have everything in common, the same personality, we think the same. If i ever believed a soul mate existed, then this is it. However she has had to go away for some months abroad and we have plans to be together again in 4 months.At first the distance was ok but today she seemed down and she said she cannot remember how she felt when we were together. That we need to be together soon. I reassured her that we will in 4 months and she said she felt sick to think its still 4 months away. She has always had a very poor memory and does forget and has told me before when we were first dating and didn't meet for maybe a week that she had forgotten what i was like. I really don't want to lose her but i am scared as this just reminds me of the previous two relationships as soon as i see those words i feel i know what is coming next.What can i do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2017):
 Are you able to travel to her maybe in between so that it breaks up the distance? Is it possible to catch a flight to where she is and surprise her?
I get why you are worried, but I also get why she is sad, four months is a long time to be apart, is the distance so great you cannot travel to each other the odd weekend?
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 February 2017):
 I'm in an LDR and we will have had to be apart for 3 years, seeing each other once a month for two days, with the odd longer visit. Trust me when I say that 4 months is nothing and strong relationships that are meant to be will manage it successfully.
Don't get me wrong; it's not easy, but it's not too long. If one or both of you can't get through it, your relationship wasn't strong enough or meant to last.
Personally, I think distance strengthens relationships or shows that they aren't strong enough to last. If a relationship can't stand 4 months apart, then it's likely they can't stand tougher challenges that come around in life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2017):
 4 months are not , objectively, a long time to be apart, and although maybe when you are in love even a week may feel like a lifetime, I feel that the difference between infatuation and a more serious, mature feeling is precisely in the way you handle situations like yours. If in 4 months It's an "out of sight , out of mind " case, then there was not much there to begin with, other than a superficial attraction. Of course it's better to have your SO close , than at a distance, and the gap needs to be filled with as much contact as possible , as the other poster suggested, but if in 4 months she forgets everything about you, or about how she felt about you, it's not because she has a bad memeory !, it's because , all in all, she was not THAT into you to begin with.
In other words, sure do your best to keep in touch and keep things going- but do not fret about the outcome. If she cools down so fast, just because she can't physically touch you every day- then it's for the best that such a weak bond sort of dissolves by itself in a short time.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 February 2017):
 Keep in as much and regular contact as you can. Phone, skye, face-time, text, even write letters if that is practical. Email photos.
While 4 months is not long in the grand scheme of things, it can seem like a lifetime when you are missing someone, so do all you can to keep in contact.
It is normal at your age to have many, relatively short-lived relationships. It is the time people are usually changing partners regularly, trying to work out what it is they want in a life partner (and what they don't want). They also change as they mature and what they want can change very quickly. YOU should be approaching dating this way as well, rather than viewing every girlfriend as your potential long-term partner.
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