A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, is it common for a male to leave his stuff in another man's house? I have been attracted to this guy who I am much older than. He is 19, I am 33. He says he isn't attracted to me, and sees me as a best friend. We have so much in common, share movies, songs and enjoy long drives together. We are in sync a lot, and he admits I am the best thing that ever happened to him. He however has a gf while I am bisexual with no female relationships currently. He let me give him a bj once but swore never to do it again. Says its unchristian and immoral. Question is, all his stuff is in my house, his clothes, shoes, academic papers and books. He basically moved in with me. He is away at school now. He brought his stuff to my place in bits, and insists on staying with me, and when I asked we break up, he says he is willing to do anything to stay with me. Would somebody move in with a person he doesn't really love? He has asked me about my past relationships, but swears never to love me. But when I call, he is excited to talk to me, and calls me often. He also initiates hugs, which is not a normal guy thing. I love him a lot, but this has left me confused. Should I pursue him and hope he gives in, or do I simply give up and create distance between us?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 I remember your other post where you said you give him alcohol so that he would allow you to give him a blow job. Honestly am not sure what the deal here is between you both. He may be using you for rent free living, he may see you as a friend. But I do feel you are so much older than him to realize he is in a relationship and may even feel confused.
A
female
reader, mandalovee23  +, writes (16 February 2017):
Sounds like he's using you to be honest. My advice is drop him quick, and find yourself someone worthy of you. This guy is trash by what I hear. He has a gf, and receiving blow jobs from you? I am sure you know better than that. Good luck, best wishes! -A
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Would somebody move in with a person he does not really love ?...
Sure. If it benefits him somehow. You are not charging him any rent, right ? Or asking a contribution for bills ?... He is at school , so not making a whole lot of money I suppose. A generous , older friend is a valuable asset. Maybe staying with you most of the time saves him money, and anyway if he us srull paying for his old cribs, ... I'd ber that ar yours he can have more / space / privacy / comfort, and / or in a better location, than at his .
And it's not that he has to do anything that he does not want in exchange. Nothing physical, just hugs. Plus, I am sure taht you don't / can't limit his freedom and movements, and he can come and go as he please. Like, I am sure he does not have to ask you permission any time he wants to spend the night with his Gf.
And, he does get a lot of affection , arrention, admiration just for being around and do what HE likes anyway ( movies, drives etc....).
Nice deal if you can get it.
Now, I don't even want to say that your " friend " is intentionally, coldbloodedly exploiting your weakness for him. Probabaly he is just candidly, ferociously " me first " like many people at his age.
Yet- OF COURSE you should simply give up and create distance ! First : what part of " no more BJ " did you not understand ? He tried a little walk on rhe wild side( again, like lots of people his age ), did not like it, felt awkward and guilty- enough . Respect that, do not become a pathetic sex pest. At 19, with his Young powerful hormons clamouring for action , if only he had the least physical attraction for you, he'd be all over you like jelly on toast !
Second, he is not single, he has a gf. At most he can offer you friendship, ( assuming that his friendship is not interested and self serving... ).BUT, you do not want a platonic friend, you want a lover - you can't be just friends with someone , of whatever gender, for whom you have a big crush on. It's a waste of time and a self deferaing exercise in masochism .
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