A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy a few months ago who started flirting with me. I did not like him to begin but then we got talking and I saw a really handsome interesting person. The flirting continued and I cold feel some chemistry between us,A few weeks later he went out of his way to give me his number. We started messaging but he was always cool and never suggestive.Its been a 5 months since he gave me his number yet he has never invited me out.He left his work place and I started going to his new place as he invited me to. During the time we spent together he was always smiling, staring into my eyes, talking a lot about himself. I enjoyed our time together as we would laugh together. He often spoke about how unsettled he is career wise. For the first time I felt a real close connection to him and felt I was really starting to get to know him.He is 46 and highly educated but I sense he is a little frustrated career wise and I understand that he needs space to sort himself out.The thing is that I am not cramping his space as we are not dating and I only see him 1-2 times a week. I keep saying to him that I like him and want to be there as a friend yet I feel he keeps pushing me away. Unless I go to his work place, that's the only time I see him and it costs me.The last time I saw him I said that I enjoyed seeing him but it was affecting me emotionally. He said that he thought we were getting on really well and got a little annoyed with me as I said I cant keep coming to his work place. It all came out wrong as I find it hard to express my emotions on the spot.There was an occasion where he asked me when am I visiting his old work place again as he knows i have friends there. I feel this may have been an indirect invitation to meet out side of his work place.Now he has gone cold on me. I texted him and said we have misunderstood each other and he has not returned a message. I have written a letter and plan to see him later today.I'm confused as I know we likes me and trusts me but its been quite sometime and we cant seem to meet up as friends. I feel its because he knows I like him but what does he think I'm going to do?Any heart felt words of advice welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2017): OP - (Aunt Honesty) I have been told that many men talk a lot about themselves at the beginning about their accomplishments in order to impress and attract a woman. Its a bit like how a Peacock displays its feathers in order to attract a mate. He did pick up on some information about me.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 February 2017):
 You seem so thankful that he took you for coffee and mainly spoke about himself. Well if that is what you get excited about after five months off waiting then try not expect to much more. Honestly you deserve better than that. You deserve a man who will listen about you, ask you questions. Make an effort.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017): OP - Thank you anoynomous. (15/2/17) I think your answer was the best. We only live once.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2017): Just my opinion, but where I sit come on, do u really want t to jump through hoops just to find out where u stand, god just reading this wore me out, ask him, tell him to take you there and then, see what he says,or better yet does, if he won't take you then and there take that as your answer, if he does or doesn't is irrelevant, it's more if he will or won't is what I'd be looking for, your goddamn grown ups, you shouldn't have to jump through hoops,even if he's shy or not comfortabke at making a move,so am I, but by now I sure the hell would have, that can only be an excuse for so long, that's what I recommend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2017): OP - Hi everyone,
I wanted to update you as I had the most fantastic evening. I went to my crushes work place today. I've had a few days off work. He was a little busy so I hung around.
He later invited me out for coffee. We went to a lovely little restaurant near by and spent sometime together and did a lot of talking. Mainly about himself.
It finally happened guys - on Valentines Day as well. I am taking my time. I am not easy so its going to take some time for him to come any where near me.
Its a good thing I did not take to heart some of your comments. I know you can only see what I write. Yes he is Spanish and he is a gentlemen and I love him for that. He is not full on and in my face like some guys I know.
I am soooo happy he finally made the move. I look forward to next date.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2017): Men are hunters.
They can flirt all they like. And lots of them do. But if it stays stalled in the flirtation stage, rest assured that is all it will ever be.
If he wanted to pursue you, he would have done it long ago.
Ain't gonna happen.
Men know what they want and don't waste any time.
I would distance myself from him if I were you and start putting my time and energy into finding a man who returns my affections.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 February 2017):
 Oh - he's Spanish. It's a different culture. Flirting is a day-to-day activity for Spanish men. You haven't been reading this right. You are being taken in by the Mediterranean charm - a touch of the Shirley Valentines.
Accept it a a gentle compliment and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2017): OP -Thank you all for your responses. I am on route to see him now. I did not like the way we left it. I felt I upset him and he upset me as we misunderstood each other.
From what he has said I do not get the feeling of another woman. On facebook he has single.
I do feel that he may have ties and financial problems with an ex. I am getting that feeling. I feel he is trying to run away from something (he has not said this). He is Spanish and only been in the Uk for less than 2 years.
I will give him the space he needs and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2017):
 I agree with Honeypie. At 46 if a man does not have his dating game down, then he's probably never going to. So I'm betting that he's leading you on tentatively for that lovely ego stroke a younger woman attracted to an older man brings but that if push came to shove and you wanted more, he's find a way to not make it happen.
In this case however, I'm getting a sense that there is some sort of "MRS somebody" in the background that you don't know about and he's keeping it quiet. This would be a lie of omission which many people think is perfectly acceptable as in "don't ask don't tell" but it's not. She may not be a wife or a live in, but I"m betting there's someone.
I would just let it go to be honest. Say to him "look I like you but I can't only be work space buddies so if you want to see me outside of work you have my contact info" then turn walk away and see if he contacts you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 February 2017):
 ...Maybe he thinks that you will be crushing on him even more and use the friendship excuse to hang on tight to him in the hope that sooner or later you get an " in " and turn friendship into more.
Which , I suppose, is more or less what you 'd like to do- but this may be embarassing , even bothersome, for him. He does not want you to waste his time on someone who has no romantic leanings for you, and does not want to waste HIS time in fending off advances, even if made under the most delicate , subtlest guise of just wanting to get emotionally closer.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (13 February 2017):
 Yeah he's not interested.
Who takes 5 months to ask someone on a date if they like them? Whenever I'm interested in a girl, depending on how the conversation flows I tend to put it out of in the open within the first 2 weeks that I see them in a romantic way such as asking them out and go from there.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (13 February 2017):
Does this man have a steady girlfriend or wife. It doesn't sound like he is free. I mean why wouldn't he ask you out if he is able?
I would treat this with some caution until you know more.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2017):
 He isn't interested. I know that statement seems weird after he flirted and chatted a lot with you, BUT if he REALLY wanted to start ANYTHING with you, he would have asked you out already.
If I were you I'd tell him that you sense he isn't sure what he wants so you will back off and give him space. Nothing more, LET him have to time and NO contact from you so he can figure out what he REALLY wants from you. And you can figure out what you want too.
You say he is 46, are you even sure he is single? Have you tried looking him up on social media?
And OP, are you really looking for a "friend"? To me, it doesn't sound like you want another friend but you will settle for "friendship" to stay in his mind. And really? If you want more and he doesn't seem to want that, you ARE wasting your time.
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