A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Good morning Aunties,I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent would never allow him to be in love with another man. I have tried asking him severally, and he always says Never, that to him, we are simply best friends. Now this is the real challenge. He says he loves me a lot. He says I am the only one who has ever truly cared about him, and who he is sure loves him. He hugs me, and texts me very frequently. I would leave him in my house on my way to work, and he would text me twenty minutes later to know if I arrived safely. He loves driving around with me most weekends, we practically spend our days together. He knows me well, and can tell when I am sad, where he comes to comfort me. We make decisions affecting our lives together, and he moved in to stay with me. I asked him that we separate, and go our different ways, but he said that would never happen, that he sees no meaning in life without me, and that he would stay by my side throughout. He loves buying me stuff when we are together, small gifts, usually snacks that he insists I eat. And now he is away in college, and he says he deeply misses me. I have caught him checking me out a number of times, and he shares personal stuff, we buy personal stuff, including underclothes together. I once gave him a bj, and apparently he didnt like it, coz he says he would never do it again. But this guy likes teaching me how to dance, how to dress up, compliments me and wants to do everything to please me, except be my boyfiend. Could he be in love with me but unsure of his emotions? Or is he just being a good natured best friend who loves my company? I am so confused.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 March 2017):
 How are you getting on now?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2017): I am the original poster of the question. Thanks Aunt Honesty and Andys' Thoughts. I agree with both of you. I have realized I keep hoping for a different answer, and therefore keep enslaving myself to him. I do not know if he has any motives towards me though. I have believed him. But I acknowledge I have to move on, even if only for my peace of mind and sanity. He is too young, and clearly at some point, this will degenerate into conflict. I am not so much into finding someone else for now, and will perhaps just strengthen myself until such a time I will be ready to get involved in another relationship. Thank you all for excellent advice.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (24 February 2017):
You keep coming back here, and keep getting great advice, but it seems you don't listen to it, you just re-post the question, but you leave bits out that you think will get you the same responses again, and you add more in his favor in hope that everyone will tell you that yes this man loves you, he wants to be with you, never give up!
But OP that is not going to happen, no matter how you sugar coat this post we are always going to think that this young guy is not wanting a relationship with you, he sees you as a friend and possibly somewhere free to live. You had to get him drunk to allow him to receive a blowjob. Its time to give up on this if you are wanting to actually be in a relationship with someone.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 February 2017):
 OP, you shouldn't *ask* for a break up, you should *tell* him you need to stop talking to him. Don't let him beg you to stay. He needs to move out and you need to move on.Please do not interact with guys so young, next time; he's barely an adult and it's not healthy to want a romantic/sexual relationship with him.Find someone around your age who wants a relationship and can look after themselves. This boy just wants to hang on to the person paying for most/all things.Tell him it's over and don't let him tell you it isn't. If he refuses to accept it, send him *one* text:"(His name), this isn't working and I will not be able to have you live here any more. You have 2 weeks to find somewhere else to stay." No more, no less. Don't go into your feelings and don't listen to his because he's just trying to keep you paying for him.After sending that *one* text, ignore him. Don't text him. Don't call him. Don't answer his calls. Avoid him and don't spend time together or give him any more money. If he still hasn't moved out in 2 weeks, pack up his stuff while he's out and put them outside your front door. Then get the locks changed, so he can't just come back in.He may tell you he loves you and will do sexual things for you, but he doesn't love you and doesn't want to do sexual things with you.You are too old for him, but he is also trying to manipulate you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 February 2017):
 OP, so far in your posts you have always chosen to glide over the financial details of your arrangement- which is absolutely your right, of course, it's not that at Dear Cupid we can , or would, demand to know what you are spending your money on.
But, as for the " why " this boy chooses to stick to you like glue, please realize that the financial details DO make a difference. If he benefits materially from associaring with you , - if you regularly offer him entertainments and outings which he could never afford on his own, if you offer him a rent free, comfortable accomodation which is beyond his means, if by being around you he saves quite some money or gets a lot of freebies - then very possibly you have your " why ". And don't think that at 19 he is too naive and pure-hearted for these callous calculations. Some people have an early, instinctive ability to see from which side their bread is buttered.
Regardless, you reached a wise decision. You do not want another platonic friend, you are in love or in lust, or both, and you want a lover. Which, he refuses to become . So keeping the status quo can only become more and more frustrating and painful for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2017): I am the original poster of this question. I quite agree with most of you, and conclude that maybe he wants a platonic relationship. It is painful, but better be hit by the truth. I desperately loved him.What I am not sure is why he insists we stay together. I have asked that we break up, and he told me to my face that would not happen. That he would stay by me and do everything I asked, and that I am the only one who has ever loved him genuinely. If I did not call in half a day, or failed to text, he would be all over me, calling and texting. I am not sure if this is what defines a platonic relationship. He loves going out together, but says we are not going on a date. Maybe he just loves being friends, or maybe he is using me. I will officially break this when we meet next, and ask that we stay separate ways. Because I do not need a platonic friend right now. And perhaps he does not need a lover now. He just wants company.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2017):
 I don't think he is in love with you or unsure. He likes this PLATONIC close friendship with you.
YOU HAVE to accept that he isn't INTO you sexually AT ALL.
I also wonder about the financial side of this relationship. Are you funding his education and past time?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 February 2017):
.. Does he pay you rent , since he has moved in ? Does he pay for his share of the utilities ? Food ? Gas ?... When you go out ( movies, dinners, bars, whatever ) do you go Dutch, or do you spring for him too ?... He gives you snacks,.... and you give him things too ? How expensive ?..
These alas vulgar details are rather significant in order to determine if he is a sweet, good natured kid who loves your company , or a clever manipulative gold digger who figured out how to get a free ride out of a gulloble older guy who has the hots for him. Unpleasant scenario, but not to be sorted out totally.
As for " being in love " - no, that's not it. Nobody can be so good at separating so neatly the spiritual/ mental from the physical. You tricked him once into allowing you to perform oral sex on him- he was shocked and turned off and say never again. From this point of view , he seems to be VERY sure of his emotions, which can be summed up in " Hands off my dick, pal ". Personally I have trouble seeing this as a sign of someone who is falling in love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): Do you have money?
If yes, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that he's a gold-digger trading on his youth by playing up to an older guy to gain financial security.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 February 2017):
You coerced him into giving you oral sex and he didn't want to - you got him drunk; I remember you posting about it.
Please, *PLEASE* cut all contact with him. He is immature and still acting like a naive child. You are way too old for him. You need to do the right thing and leave him.
This is not right, OP.
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