A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya I've just found out I'm pregnant I haven't told my partner because just last week we were talking about kids and he said no way does he want anyone especially this time we have a 2 year old son I'm so scared of how he's going to react I would love another but he said if he found out I was pregnant he would make a appointment straight away for an abortion I really don't know what to do any suggestions
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 He cannot force you to have an abortion. Just be honest with him, little surprises to happen. You need to talk about it like adults and decide what is best for you both. Remember that he can book as many appointments as he likes it is your body and your choice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): I think WiseOwle completely nailed it in the response. I will go even further and say that I think the comment was quite disgusting that he would "book you into an appointment"...who is he to boss you around on the termination of a life that YOU carry? I don't want to get too personal, everyone has their own views on abortion and that is fine, however I think most of us can agree that at the very least it should be used as sparingly as possible, for people who really are in terrible situations and cannot afford physically/mentally/financially to keep the baby. The fact that you are healthy, and with a partner in a family setting, and presumably fairly financially stable, and in the right age bracket to have kids and not be stigmatized...I think this shows that he is quite a selfish man that he would rather end a developing life just because it is inconvenient! That's just my opinion though! I would say stay strong in whatever you decide, do not let him boss you around! Maybe he just panicked, see how he responds to the reality of the situation, as wiseowle suggested.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 February 2017):
 If he didn't want another, he should have removed all possibility by using condoms too or getting a vasectomy.
Sit him down, maybe with a family member looking after your child in another room (in case your partner gets aggressive and you need support) and tell him outright.
Please tell us how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): Thank you for your replies we did use protection as I take the pill
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): Getting an abortion is your decision. Neither one of you used any form of contraception; so getting pregnant shouldn't be a surprise for either of you. If you're now pregnant, he's equally responsible. Only you're the one who has the choice to carry the child and birth it.
You must tell him immediately, and do what you feel is right as far as having the child is concerned.
If you're implying that you would consider termination of the pregnancy to keep the man; it is likely that you really don't have much of a relationship, and you should have taken precautions to avoid pregnancy to start with. If his sticking around depends on not having another kid, he doesn't want you anyway. He's there for the child you already have. It's cheaper than living separately, paying child-support, and having regulated or scheduled visitation.
Seriously?!! You didn't make yourself pregnant!!!
Just the mere fact you're worried about telling him speaks volumes about the kind of man he is. It's also an indication that you're not even sure you can keep him around for the child you already have.
I'll put it bluntly. You shouldn't worry about a thing. If you want to keep the child, keep it. If he decides he wants to leave, let him. Get child-support for both kids. He'll be legally responsible for child-support payments, like it or not. He can get a vasectomy if he doesn't want to father anymore children.
Sweetheart, please don't do anything you don't feel you can't live with. Don't make personal sacrifices you will regret in an attempt to keep a man around. If you choose to abort, let that decision be based on your needs; and what is best for you and you alone.
It is what it is, and you may be worrying yourself for no reason. His comment about kids may have been rhetorical, and he may completely change his mind based on the reality of your current situation.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 In this day and age accidental pregnancies between consenting partners should be the rare exception. How did yours occur?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (7 February 2017):
Just say it. If he didn't want more children, he should have worn a condom every time. If neither of you knew whether or not the other wanted more children, neither of you should have risked pregnancy.
He can't force you to have an abortion, but you need to accept that having the baby may make you a single mother.
Regardless of your decision, all couples (married or not) should be on contraceptives until they have discussed *definitely* wanting a child. Please don't risk this again. I hope it works out well for you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Just tell him. No matter how he reacts- last word is yours. He can book all the appointments he wants, but if you do not want to have an abortion, what is he going to do, drug you, kidnap you and take you unconscious to the abortion clinic ??.
Your body, your choice . If he gets upset, remind him that the "fault " of this unplanned pregnancy is 50%/ 50%, he cannot pin it all on you. If he was so adamant against a second child, then he should have never had sex without protection. Or should have got a vasectomy.
Said that, before making a final decisison, I would listen to his reasons and consider his point of view. If , for instance, he does not want a second child because ( hypothesis ) you are in dire straits financially, and he/you can barely provide for the kid you already have, well,.. you need to do some long and hard thinking. Having this child could be an " indulgence " that unduly penalizes your daughter .
In short, hear him out, try to understand where he is coming from. But, at the end of the day, remember, the final choice is only yours.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (7 February 2017):
No one can make you get an abortion. There is a saying I heard once, "The only things that go away if you ignore them are your teeth." This problem is not going to go away. You need to tell your partner now before you start to show. You know he won't take it well but he may surprise you. Either way you have to be prepared to stand your ground and live with the results no matter which way things go.
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