A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why would my guy show me a picture of a porn star and say, "before I knew you, a woman who looked exactly like this asked me out" ? Is he trying to make me feel insecure or point out that, "hey look I can get a woman sexier than you" ? What's his point ?Why show the picture, to show me she looked like that porn star?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2017): Hi OP,I would not find this to be a put down at all.So he was approached by a woman who probably gets around. Probably not very choosy if you ask me. How was your BF special? Looking like that, she has probably propositioned many guys. Porn Stars are fake. They wear too much make up. They have been used and abused by men. The camera angles are suited for them. So is the lighting. They are not real.I would tell him to go and find himself a porn star and walk away.What a LOSER he is!He did NOT have to tell you THAT.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 Honeypie and YouWish had me in stitches, these ladies are EVIL. Particularly YouWish who, I think ?, sings or used to sing in a church choir. YouWish, WHAT do they teach you at choir rehearsals ,LOL.
Anyway, I concur , I'd chalk it up to HIS insecurity- and andropause. His hairline is receding while his waistline is expanding- his sexual fantasies have become out of sync with his actual performing ability... getting old(er ) is tough for everybody , men and women, in fact perhaps for a man it's tougher. He is basically whistling in the dark and tryong to tell himself that he is still a hot stud who could attract... whomever he wants, if he only wanted. He does not because he is in a relationship, but if he would, he could.
Yeah babe, sure. Dream on.
This is annoying, and quite pathetic but- maybe he is more to be pitied than to be blamed. This is eye roll worthy behaviour- but it's not in reference to you , or YOUR sex appeal and attractiveness- it's in reference to HIS.
Ah men ( Aunt shakes head ). Hear this :
yesterday I went with a male older friend ( platonic friend ; early 60s, educated, pleasant company but certainly not a sight for sore eyes ) to attend a Sikh festival in a town nearby. There's a Sikh community rhere of about 2000 , and every year they celebrate their feast of Vaisakhi . and the non-Sikh population is cordially invited to attend too. Guests can follow the functions in their temple , as long as they take their shoes off and cover their hair, and they can follow the parade of Sikhs in their best , most coloured traditional costumes. There are little stalls from where Sikhs ( who are the kindest, warmest, most hospitable people ) offer sweets , tea, drinks, fruits etc. to us "tourists". They also graciously pose for pics and selfies with us visitors, and in case the PC police is wrinkling their nose at that, no, it's NOT at all like taking pics at the zoo ; they WANT us to have nice souvenirs of the day spent mingling with them, as a reminder of their ideals of peace and inclusion, and that there's only One God with different names etc. etc.
Anyway , I traipse along my friend in the crowds and I take several pics of him among clusters of pretty ,giggling young Punjabi women ; I had noticed that we were taking pics, and having our pics taken with, mostly young women, but I thought this was because they had the most glittery , most colourful, most photogenic attire.
We go home, I am commenting what a nice cheerful event it has been, and my friend says: " Yes, lovely- but I am telling you, next year I 'll come on my own , you cramped my style "-
Who ? Me ?- What did I do ?
Nothing, but if I am on my own, I am more comfortable in making my moves,- I can get their numbers .
What numbers ? The phone number of some 20 y.o. virgin who could be your granddaughter ??
Eh you haven't seen how they fussed around me, how they were all over me , smiled at me.... it can definitely lead to good stuff .
I am so taken aback that I can't even bother arguing . These girls were fussing around people, and smiling, and being kind - because they want to be friendly and hospitable and promote peace ,harmony and cooperation between different cultures - not because they want a date with their grandad !
And mind you, my friend is a very intelligent, well read, well travelled person - but when andropause rears its ugly head,....all bets are off.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 My guess is he showed it to you in order to increase his "value" in your eyes. Many men find it GREAT when other men stare at their woman, because it makes them feel proud that they have what other men can only dream about. I know this because I've had boyfriends who have pointed out how the men next to us would check me out when I wasn't looking. They told me not because I wanted to know/asked about it/feel insecure, but obviously it makes them feel good because they are with me, and these other men are not. Sort of ups the sexual value of a person, if you understand.
Also, men very rarely get asked out. So he probably felt this was AMAZING to experience, and it could be one of those things he will think back on when he is on his death bed "once upon a time I was so handsome and amazing that such a hottie would ask me out".
So he tells you, thinking that this will make him look like a stud or the catch of the year in your eyes.
What is important to note here is that she tells you/shows you not to make you feel bad about yourself, but it is a weird form of a compliment to you. Because after all, he is with you, not this porn star looking woman. So that means he values you more than her. It's him showing you that he finds you so much better than even this stereotypical woman of every mans dream.
He does lack a bit of empathy or social intelligence though, so say such a thing. Because the result is you feeling put off, not complimented. It's like giving a compliment "you're smarter than I thought".. which isn't really a compliment at all, haha. But not all people have a highly tunes social intelligence.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2017):
 LMAO!
I'd go on the internet and find the HOTTEST guy with the BIGGEST dick and show that to this guy and say... Well, THIS is what I had before you... And then I would DUMP him.
I'm ABSOLUTELY with YouWish here!
What an insecure little man-child he is!!
He is trying to make sure YOU know that HE has "worth" because he could "score" a porn star looking chick". BUT... He is also showing you that you can BE replaced.
If this guy isn't a 13-year-old he is a VERY immature & insecure man.
Oh gosh, had that been my partner I would have laughed so hard before wishing him well and ending it...
How absolutely RIDICULOUS!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 April 2017):
 Oh my lord. He actually showed you a picture of a porn star and said that??? HAHAHA!
The sense of humor in me would be SOOOO tempted to go find a really raunchy porno on the internet, find the one with a musclebound guy with the biggest, most massive horse-sized shaft of a penis. I'd take a picture of it at FULL erection and then say to him "That's great sweetie! What a small world! Before I knew YOU, the last guy who asked me out looked like this!"
Seriously, all jokes aside...If he weren't so full of BS, he'd be WITH the porn star. What an immature insecure dork. You could flip this script on him so fast it would make his head spin. Whatever you do, do NOT stroke his ego OR get overly defensive. Treat his boast the same as you would if he had let a really loud, smelly fart off in the room and ignore him.
If he KEEPS this stuff up, get real with him, tell him that you're not impressed, and that he'd better knock it off or he'll be welcome to go call Ms. Porn Star and say yes to her because he'll be SINGLE.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (9 April 2017):
 Oh bless him. The poor child is so insecure he has to show you pictures of a porn star and say a woman who looked like that (not even the woman in the photo) asked him out? I hope you made the right noises in response and patted him on the head and said "There, there, what a clever boy".
This has nothing to do with you. This is about his lack of confidence. Deep down he probably doesn't believe he is good enough for you, hence has to come out with rubbish like this to get you to get you to realize how desirable he is.
Assuming he is of a similar age to you, his juvenile behaviour would ring alarm bells for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2017): I'm pretty sure you asked this same question a month or two ago? Obviously it is still bothering you, and you're right, it should bother you! Why didn't you take the aunts' advice at the time and dump him already? His behaviour is extremely tasteless. I don't even care what he was trying to achieve by telling you that...I would run as fast as I could for the hills because that kind of comment shows me he is vain, superficial, egotistical and will always be trying to prove he is an "alpha" in the most immature way possible. It also tells me that he enjoys putting you down or putting you in your place to feed his own ego. He is essentially comparing you to another woman in a very lewd way. Gross. And yes it IS an insult to you to be commenting on another girl's physical appearance in that way....and keeping her picture on his phone, really? Believe me if he has done this there will be more to come... Analyzing it in the best possible light, he MIGHT have been trying to tell you that this kind of "pornstar" looks did not impress him, that he is a deeper person than that. I don't know, you were the one who was there and heard his commentary. But honestly why keep the picture of her then? I would probably leave this guy.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 April 2017):
 I agree - this was clearly about his ego, not you. If he's in the same age range as you are, he may be going through a bit of a midlife crisis and needing to feel like he's? still attractive to women. However, that is not YOUR problem and it's frankly not acceptable for him to be stroking his own ego at the obvious expense of your feelings.
More importantly, *whatever* his reason for doing it, he put that reason ahead of wanting you to feel secure or valued in the relationship. That would be my main concern in your shoes. Not whether a porn star lookalike hit on him once or not, but the fact he brought it up out of nowhere and threw it in your face to feel good about himself. Either he didn't think about how it would make YOU feel, or worse, he thought about it and didn't care.
Whatever his age, it doesn't sound like he has the emotional maturity to be a good partner for you. If this is a fairly new relationship, I think you might be best served to throw him back in the proverbial sea and keep fishing. If it's not, in your shoes I'd still give some serious thought to what type of a future I saw with this guy, if any.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (9 April 2017):
He's the one who is insecure. He needs to puff himself up by letting you know that he could be going out with an attractive woman who is as hot as a porn star. And you're supposed to think that's a big deal and do everything you can to keep him. Because after all, he could be dating someone hotter than you.
This is what I would expect out of a boy of the age 15 to 18. Not someone who is around your age. I hope you haven't been with him long and that he'll be easy to dump.
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