A
female
age
26-29,
*eenwitch
writes:Yesterday my husband came late from work again. This time it was far worst than the last time ... He works at a restaurant , he is a waiter. Three weeks ago he came home 6 hours later after leaving the workplace, He doesn't use a cellphone since he works there. He didn't know I called the restaurant to see if he was there because he had told me if I can come over but it is far from home so I said I can't. I called a second time but he had left Early. Red flag!!He left at 16:40 and came home At 23:10. He was drunk. He smelt of alcohol and cigarettes I said have you been drinking he said just 4 beers the smell was of strong alcohol. He claimed his coworkers who he is not friends with (he is new) bullied him for not wanting to drink after work and even forced him(wtf?) And bullied him for wanting to call me. And no one had a call. So he went with them to a bar! On a thursday when it's ladies free night. What a great idea. He was all smily and weird. I smelt his privates and I smelt a condom. Now that wasn't enough for him, He started coming home smelling like this almost everyday. Sometimes he is home by 18:30 but sometimes he's home at 20:30... which is weird cause he always leaves at the same time. Yesterday he went missing again. I was waiting for him and the house is really big but I heard a car pull up outside and I went to see. Nobody knocked the door and I hear him puking. My blood was running hot, I open the door and he is puking right there at the front entrance. The smell of alcohol was strong again. He looks at me with watery eyes and says I think I ate something bad. I said it smells like alcohol and he inmediatly said I only had one beer!. The vomit was pure clear liquid and he said he ate minestroni... but it was pure liquid. ? He said he was late because he had been sick puking and he had to get off the bus to go to a bathroom cause he had terrible diarrhea, he was acting like a poor victim. Then he goes to the bathroom and pull down his pants, Surprise! his boxers were inside out. He had put them the wrong side out. I said why are your boxers inside out !? he started acting defensive and said *I always wear them like this! you are crazy! I said I saw you had them on correctly in the morning! (which is not true but he never wears them inside out) and he made a pause and said: and all the times that I was pooping? I oviously put them on wrong after that. He changed the story!!!! when he takes them out I inspect them and they had white hard stains that resembled dried boogers but they were almost powdery, on the outside part he was wearing inside out (in the fold where you take out the penis was the most stained).. and drops on the inside part too. There was no smell the thing was smelling kind of good. To me it looks like he took his dick out and ejaculated then put it back on the wrong side. His privates smelt like condom again. He said I left work late at 18pm... I called and a girl said he left the same time as always. He asked me my phone to call and ask if he has to work the next dat and he put the speaker on. A girl answers and he says is the boss(female) around? And she says Oh, your woman called! and she was laughing she started talking but he did not let her, he tried to talk every single time she said something like rushing to hang up, she said We are still here! (??) he said do we have to work tomorrow and she said Yes it's such a **** we have to be here early!! (and then some bad words like she is very confident around him to talk like this. He said he doesn't know her really, and her shift starts when he leaves and she is a mature woman (her voice was young) and I've seen her, one time when I went there she was staring straight at me and they did not talk at all while I was there he never introduced me to her or the other girl that was borrowing him her phone (they were ugly to me) ,only to the men and he said he doesn't know her. Now she is friends with him to speak in that manner?. He gave me only her name and said he doesn't know her last name. When I said I don't believe a single word you say because one time when we had just hooked up you were drunk and I saw you were kissing a girl you just met and she was like them, nothing cute or anything special, I asked you to call me if you're coming late, I asked you not to drink and you failed. He started yelling like craaaaazy! shouting at me then leave you stupid crazy bitch I can't stand you! you ****** **** leave right now and give me my baby I was holding onto my baby, all night he was doing strange things like shaking and saying don't leave me! don't leave me I don't wanna die alone! he was acting really nuts, his mom came and was defending him, like I'm a crazy lunatic, they said he had food poisoning and she was giving him pills but he didn't want to take them, and I can't believe all of this mess. What ways can I catch him? I made a plan to see if he was drunk the day before, He said he haven't been paid this month .. which is weird because he had money in his wallet. I took a bill and put it on his drawer and then this morning he was counting the money and didn't notice at all he had money missing ! this to me , reveals he was drunk, spending on somebody else. Do you thing he went to a prostitute? We had sex last night with a condom but we haven't had sex like normally because he suddenly had an herpes outbreak which he never had before. What can I do to get more evidence and catch him because I feel like I'm being totally fooled. Any advice will be highly appreciated with all my heart! Love and support
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bullied, co-worker, condom, drunk, ejaculate, herpes, kissing, money, prostitute, underwear, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 April 2017):
 I keep reading ALL your DIFFERENT posts, and I do wonder why you both would still be together. You do act crazy, and he probably is cheating. You don't trust him, so why are you with him? Do you want to be this paranoid for the rest off your life? Do you want to be made feel like this all the time? Do you want your baby to grow up thinking this behavior is normal, because it is not. It will effect your children as they grow. If you cannot leave for yourself then do it for you baby. Protect them. I cannot see what it is you love about your husband, yet in a week or two you will have another post up adding more fuel to the suspicion.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017): You have posted this same story here (and variations of it) for months now. I have read every one of your posts.
He is CHEATING. It is SO OBVIOUS...and I read your earlier post about a month ago about him lying and actually forging a document about a herpes diagnoses...come on, this man is a complete low-life! Get yourself out of this relationship! I fear you are just going to stay and keep posting about this over and over till the cows come home, and he will continue behaving the same way.
You are not a doormat. Get out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): Sorry OP, but the only reason he wants to be with you is because you accept his crap. Most women would not put up with this for very long. This may sound cold, but you are not responsible for his suicidal tendencies (if indeed he wasn't bluffing). This man needs serious help. Do you think you can change him? If you do you're deluding yourself. Is this really the future you want for yourself? You're young so hopefully you'll learn sooner or later and walk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): I can save you all your worry and anxiety OP.
YES, YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING.
What can you do about that?
NOTHING!
He will NEVER, EVER change!
You do have one thing in your power. That is the ability to walk away. Use it. Walk away now. And consult a divorce lawyer.
Your life is only going to get more and more miserable if you stay with this clown. I think you have had enough. You cannot hang on hoping somebody will change. Thinking a broken man can be fixed.
He CANNOT be fixed! No woman can lasso him in for long. He cannot be tamed. Seems to me he has a lot of growing up to do and he was not in any way ready for marriage.
You are only hurting yourself and your own mental health and emotional well being. By staying with him you are enabling him to keep cheating. Do you see that? He feels he can because you are still there! Yeah, you fight with him but he is going to keep doing it anyway. It does not matter to him what you think or how you feel. He feels entitled. He has put his needs and desires above you. He is hurting you to have his own way with women. What kind of a monster is this? Do you think you are that unworthy? To put up with this kind of treatment? You are NOT! You can do better than this scum sucking piece of shit!
Now, get on with the job at hand. Consult a lawyer. You owe your husband nothing anymore. But you do owe yourself something. That is the right to feel safe, the right to have a man love you for all that you are; you and only you, the right not to be emotionally abused, manipulated, lied to, and controlled.
He has betrayed every vow he ever took.
There are no more chances.
It is so obvious.
You are never going to trust him. That should be enough. But the evidence screams against him. He has given you every piece of the jig saw puzzle and you have put it all together. It is finished. You have figured it out.
You can keep fighting forever. But what are you really fighting for? Is a cheater worth it? Really think about it. What kind of a prize are you fighting to keep?
I know it's hard. Your whole life will be upside down and nobody likes change. But what's better than change? The opportunity to start over. To start new. With somebody who treats you right. Things will be tough and in turmoil for awhile but once you survive the storm, you will see that you can survive anything. And most of all, be HAPPIER for it.
Find your strength and do what you need to do.
Good luck sweetie.
Many of us have been there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): Yes I plead guilty of sniffing his penis and underwear ! But that's just me and my creepy ways of making sure I'm not being fooled :( I'm young and I' really love this guy but he has put me through so much ! Thank you all for your advice I've tried to leave him more than once but I just keep taking him back because I really want to be with him and he wants to be with me. Last time he tried to cut his veins because I was leaving him , I don't want him to die I didn't really want to leave
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2017):
 Jeez, this post almost made me queasy. OP, you sure can call a spade a spade- and this is exactly what makes me think that you are a troll, because we have had many posters describing very intimate, delicate, unusual situations , but they managed to keep the creep factor very low, or absent.
Anyway- benefit of the doubt , I'll assume this is a real story and a real question.
So, yes, if he comes home with his underpants inside out it is highly probabale that he has cheated on you... or at least that he has done something for which he need to undress totally from the waist down, which he does not want to tell.
A bout of diarrhea ? .. Why should he have taken off his pants and underpants if he had had that ? Nobody needs to be stark naked to defecate- and when it is sort of urgent,.. undressing is the last thing on your mind :).
Actually, that's the least of your problems, though. As understable it is that you do not want to be cheated on- monogamy is not enough in itself to save a relationship. - Even if he were a stellar example of monogamy - the way you describe him , your husband is a raging alcoholic, and a shameless liar who will deceive you about everything ( his money, his working hours, the company he keeps... ) and you cannot trust him to tell you the right time of the day if you ask him.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (15 April 2017):
 Oh yes I remember you, the condom sniffer. This is probably the third or fourth post of the same nature and each gets more and more bizarre and outlandish. You are either a troll or someone who seriously needs a grip. Weird doesn't even begin to cut it.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 April 2017):
 Are you the same lady who already posted on here a few weeks back, asking a similar question about cheating? Surely there can't be TWO women who post on here, who freely admit to sniffing their husband's dick to check if he has been cheating.
Lady, you really need to get a grip.
Sorry, I am out of this one. Way too weird for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): Your husband is most certainly an alcoholic and a liar and likely a cheater. At this point you're just going around in circles trying to prove he's lying and cheating when you already know the truth. I was married to someone like that for years, hoping he would change to no avail. How much longer do you want to live with this emotional turmoil? This will only get worse. Surely you have better things to do than spend the rest of your life sniffing his underwear and penis. This is not normal! Leave him and get a whiff of fresh air instead!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 April 2017):
 I don't know if he was cheating or not, but I'm with Honeypie. The lengths you're prepared to go to to catch him are a creepy and gross. And it's besides the point.
He's got a serious drinking problem. He lies and he's a liability. That's reason enough to keep your distance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): Why waste your time trying to catch him out?He is not respecting you.He possibly has a STD He was out socializing with who knows who?Of course he is cheating. He got undressed at some stage during the time he was allegedly just socializing and in his hurry to remove his underpants the underpants were left inside out where he removed them. Then in the dark he hurriedly put the underpants on again, too drunk to realize the underpants were inside out. If he was just using the bathroom for the reasons we have bathrooms he would not have had to remove his pants and his underpants.If he chose to masterbate somewhere all by himself he would not need to remove his clothing. He would only need to unzip.If he just vomited at the side of the road he would not need to remove his pants and his underpants. Instead he removed his pants and his underpants fully. Why would he need to be fully naked below the waist at any time during his socializing foray ?He wanted some contact sport. One that needs his penis fully accessible to the other party.He thinks it is OK to lie to you.Most likely the over-familiar woman at work is the woman he is seeing.Don't blame her.Blame your spineless poor excuse for a husband.Change the locks. Contact a good divorce attorney. Pack his possessions and leave them in a stack of boxes for him to find when he next tries to arrive home drunk and dishevelled from another outing with the woman from work.He is CHEATING and he is not worth your trouble.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2017):
 Sounds like a toxic relationship going on.
Could he be cheating? Sure.
But for YOU to inspect his boxers? WTF? What does that prove? That he MUST be cheating because they are inside out? Heck, I have done that more than once especially when tired in the morning or rushing after a shower.
You "sniffing" his dick to "see" if he smells like condoms? Again WTF?
The concern is more the drinking and the lying.
You know he is LYING.
Herpes outbreak happens BUT there are just too many coincidences going on here.
YOU don't need to "catch" him cheating. You OBVIOUSLY don't trust him (and maybe for good reason) So why do you stay?
IF he is cheating I doubt it is with prostitutes (unless he has done that in the past). Prostitutes COST money, they don't put money in his wallet...
As for being so hyper critical of the women at his work (or any other women) THEY are not the issue. YOUR husband and his lies are.
Why are you with him? You can't trust him further than you can toss him. DO you really want to "saddle" yourself with this guy long term?
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