A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I matched with this guy on a dating site and we soon got talking. It was a really slow process to start with and I didn't feel much towards him (well as much as you can without meeting them). He never seemed to ask to meet and I figured he was just another's one of those guys who was after sex Anyway, time went by as we began to talk more and more, until we got to a point where we talk every day. And it's strange when we don't..My problem is; I can't seem to bring myself to meet him. He has now asked me to meet and i couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't even know why? He had asked to meet at his but I kept saying no. That it should be public (for my safety and also so I can leave if I am uncomfortable) I've met others before and it's been fine but I don't know why it's so hard with him.He says he likes me and I feel that's part of the reason why... I'm not that confident with myself and I feel he's got the image of me and I guess I'm afraid that we will meet and he will hate what he sees...I have one major big flaw that I hate... and that's my teeth. I have had many personal problems with them and I will admit that they aren't in the best condition. I feel this is what prevents me meeting new people and to a point I'm afraid a dentist will judge me too. Anxiety is a problem with me and I just don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2017):
 You were damn right in saying no to meeting up for the first time a stranger at his house ! He has some nerve in proposing that , it 's very inappropriate and pushy, and it would make uncomfortable even a non-anxious self confident girl . It's just ... not the regular protocol for a first date. Common sense says it should happen in a piblic venue, for the reasons you quoted , which are perfectly valid and understandable, and commonly accepted. And if he finds issues with a first date in a public place , but keeps suggesting you meet at his place, you can BET he's got his own ( sexual )agenda.
As for your teeth, while we should not let real, or perceived, physical flaws hinder us from having a social / romantic life ( 99 % of us have flaws, - one will have crooked teeth, the other a few extra pounds, a third an imperfect skin etc.etc. , so unless you are planning to meet a male top model , who, in theory , could DEMAND a similar degree of flawless beauty , you should not really sweat it that much ) - .. anyway , teeth are important not just for your good looks but most of all for your HEALTH, you could see serious consequences of having a wrong alignment or the wrong bite or gum problems - a few years down the line , involving other organs- you can even get heart disease from having bad teeth. So , go see a dentist and no, he won't judge you ; hudgement is not part of his job, nor of the oath he took. Then again, imagine if we all had beautiful, healthy mouth !- we would not need denstits, and the'd be broke and should change job. Your dentist will probably be grateful to you for having messy teeth :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2017): Whether you're male or female, never meet anyone you found online at their house. That's dangerous and could be a setup by a criminal, or places you vulnerable to an attack. Always meet in a public place.
You've met people before; and your teeth weren't a problem then; and it makes no sense that they are now. You're just getting cold-feet, and may have embellished a bit to create a fake-personality. Now you have to face him. Even if that's not the case; that's what you might lead him to believe. So what could be worse?
Whether he continues to like you or not; nothing is more real than someone liking you for exactly who you are, and just the way you look. Hiding behind an online-persona is not fair; and people should get to know the person you've represented yourself to be.
Don't go online attracting people; then flaking-out on them when it comes time to meet. That's what online trolls and scammers do. You want to be appreciated for who you really are; and if they can't handle it, let them move on. Otherwise; why did you subscribe to an online dating service? Isn't the point to meet people?
He may not be to your liking in appearance and actual personality. It does go two-ways! You have to evaluate him too! It's not always the guy's choice, girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 Okay first off it is not a good sign he wants to meet at his house, so I am glad you where responsible and said no. How about you both talk over skype? At least that way it might ease your insecurities because he will be able to see you and you him.
The only way you will ever meet someone is if you bite the bullet. If you have issues with your teeth then maybe go and see a dentist or a hygienist, it is nothing to be ashamed off, they will give you a care plan to follow and it might help with your dental care.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 May 2017):
 I don't think the issue is with yourself, I think it's because you have a gut feeling telling you this guy is a bit dodgy.
The first place he's asking you to meet is his house? You're initial thoughts were correct, he is definitely after sex.
What male in their right mind would invite a potential GF to their house before even taking them on a date?
Wouldn't give this one the time of day.
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