A
female
age
,
*ady118
writes:First he tried to ease me into a FWB, after agreeing to friendship.We spoke, text and video chatted practically everyday. We did have sex twice. He wanted to continue to have sex as an FWB.I informed him recently that I was not FWB material. I stated I would not be part of his harem or collection of women. He got angry and said "I was really showing my a*s. He continued to call, text and video chat. During our last video chat he fluctuated between sadness and anger. He said I am not willing to try the things he wants to try. That was our last communication.The last two weeks he has been partially ghosting me. No more personal text, phone calls or video chats, yet he still forwards a daily inspirational text Monday-Friday.I thought "ghosting" was completely suddenly cutting off all communications with a person. I tried testing him, and text a response to his daily inspirational tex. He immediately started a texting conversation with me. Go figure? Either completely ghost me or be my friend without benefits. Is he really ghosting me. How do I end this madness?
View related questions:
my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 May 2017):
 There you go. Blocking him and deleting the contact info is the way to go.
Best way to get something done is to take control~
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Lady118 +, writes (12 May 2017):
Lady118 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: He sent another inspirational text message. I responded by telling him to take my number off his list.
He complied, the next day no text message from him. I believe this whole situation has been resolved.
I blocked his number and deleted from my contacts!
Thank you all for your help!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2017): I have a friend who has been the other woman in a relationship for about a decade. I've been telling her to get out of it and find a good fully available partner but she won't. Her only reason? Because she's waiting for HIM to end it. She knows it's wrong, she knows she's wasting her time. But she's always asking me, "Why is he doing this? Well, he must want me. Because then why doesn't he just end things with me and leave me alone?"I personally don't understand that. Maybe you can explain it because you're doing the same thing. "Why is this guy not completely ghosting me? Either completely ghost me or just be my friend!"My friend could be done with that married guy's nonsense and actually be happy in a real relationship with someone else. But she chooses time and again to be stood up by him and jerked around. She chooses to give him the control. Again I want to know, why do you let him decide and have control? Why not be in charge of your life and decide who's worthy of your time?
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 May 2017):
 It is madness because you are allowing it. He does not want to be a friend, he wants sex, anyone can see that. It is simple block him and ghost him. Because he is messing with your head.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2017):
He is showing you WHAT and WHO he is.
Someone who DOESN'T care what YOU want, only what HE wants.
YOU called him on his BS, and told him no thanks to being "one of his women" and he tried various manipulation schemes to get you to change your mind. When you didn't... he tried to "punish" you with a semi-silence.
OP, he is NOT your friend. He doesn't WANT to be your friend either. He WANTS you to be available for sex when HE wants sex and give him attention when HE wants attention.
Wish him well (if you must) and BLOCK him and move on. And in the FUTURE, if you don't WANT to be an FWB - then don't have sex with friends. It blurs the boundaries.
And DO go get an STD panel done. If he was sleeping with multiple girls or have had many more partners than you, it's good to get tested.
I really don't get why (especially) young women KEEP guys around who really don't respect them or their boundaries. WHY? Are you THAT desperate for someone to text and video chat with? If not, then just CUT him off and be done with this silly pointless games.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2017): Stop following his lead. If you really wanted to end it, you would have.
Delete his number, block his calls and messages, stop trying to be friends; and just move on with your life. The whole mess continues; because you want to hear from him and can't cut him off.
He has made it clear, no friendship without sex. When you decide you don't want to play anymore. It will stop.
When you can't control yourself, other people will.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (10 May 2017):
 Simple.
Block him. Youve told him youre not interested in FWB and he is doing anything he can do to get you into that position.
Why are you entertaining him?
Block, delete, move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2017):
 By blocking him, colour him gone, and moving on.
He is simply tryng his luck again, without much intention or determination, though.
It's a " just in case " kind of thing.
After all, how much effort do you think it costs a person to forward inspirational quotes ? It's not as if he had thought them up himself ! yet, he gets to keep one foot in the door with you.
He must have seen that you are not very stalwart in rejecting him.
So you are not FWB material , you do not want to join his " harem "- .. and yet you keep accepting communications from him , and you keep answering them ? You keep the communication lines open, even after he adopted such a nasty, rude attitude, and let you know that all he wants from you is sex and " tryng stuff " ?
The impression he gets from this is that you are like the poor cat i' the adage, letting " I dare not " wait upon " I would ".
Look, at the end if the day , it's quite simple :
he wants an FWB .
You don't .
So you have no need or use for him. Why don't YOU ghost him , rather than worrying about his ghosting techniques ?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 May 2017):
 Very simply you end this situation (which you call "madness") by not playing his game. It takes TWO to play.
It appears he is mad at you because you will not just knuckle under and become his FWB, which is not what you want. Well done for sticking to your guns on that one. If it is not for you, then you shouldn't do it just because it is what HE wants. It would seem his friendship is conditional on you agreeing to his other demands, hence why he has suddenly stopped having the usual contact with you as "chastisement" for daring to step out of line.
There is nothing actually wrong with what he is doing. He does not have to play by some imaginary "ghosting laws" if he wants to stay in reduced contact with you - on the off chance you may change your mind and agree to his wishes at some later point. It is completely in YOUR control how you choose to react to this - whether you choose to ignore his petulance and just stay in casual contact, or whether you decide you have had enough of his behaviour and be the one to cut contact.
If he really has other sex partners, I would be having a sexual health check if you didn't use any barrier form of protection when you had sex. Just saying.
...............................
|
