A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do you do when your bridal party and family cannot get along while making plans for your wedding shower and bachelorette party? I have a Pinterest board setup and shared it with my bridal party and they are having opposing views on what they should do period my bridesmaid is presenting all ideas that I am excited for and every idea she presents the rest of the bridal party and my family knock it down. I want this to be a very special time and my family feels so so they should be something a little more small and quick.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2017):
 Who is paying for this shower and bachelorette party? If it is yourself then organize what you want to do. If it is your parents then think off the cost on them and it does mean they have more off a say. If it is your Bridal party then let them go with the ideas that you like.
If it is like here and mine then everyone is chipping in together to make it a special time for me. Therefore I don't want a say in it, as they are organizing and paying for it and a lot of time people do not have the money to be spending on YOUR big days. Am sure you can understand that your day is not as important to anyone else than it is to you and your partner. They may want something simple for you so it will be cheaper for more people to come. Talk to both your family and bridal party. Unless you are funding the whole thing, allow them to organize it for you at their own budget.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2017):
 It depends.
If you , or your parents , will be shouldering all the costs, - iron fist. Remind everybody, as kindly as possibly yer firmly, that wedding planning is not a democratic endeavour; it's an authocratic act. You rule- it's your wedding, your special day, whatever you say goes, and if they don't like it, tough luck ( of course you should say it in a gentler way ).
If instead you expect people to fork out any relevant amount of money to join the merryment - well, you need to be considerate , to keep things simple(r), and to organize something that involves a very reasonable cost, and also , possibly, the least hassle and trouble for anybody attending.
This , because if you do something too costly or time consuming - you risk having a lot of people coming up, maybe last moment, with lots of mysterious illnesses or work emergiences etc.- and have to celebrate alone, or almost.
It's normal that you are excited and that you want something really special and maybe you can get a bit carried away , but remember that people may have to arrange for babysitting or travel long distances or fork out a wad of cash in an unconvenient time , and even if they are good friends - it's still your wedding and your big day, not theirs, and something too complicated or expensive will necessarily dampen their enthusiasm.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2017): If you're the one paying for everything then I would remind everyone that its your wedding. There's the old saying 'too many cooks spoil the broth' and having everyone inputting their ideas and especially sharing your pinterest is too much. Simply tell people the plans and if they want to come that's great, if not then no hard feelings. Try and accommodate everyone if there are different age ranges though, perhaps a calmer start to it all with a meal such as dinner out and then people can leave after to go home and you and your friends can stay out. Some people won't be able to get time off or want to be away from their own families which is also important to consider. If you're trying to organise something which everyone has to pay for themselves then you have to be considerate that not everyone has the money, or wants to spend their hard earned money, on a night out/weekend/week away. Some ladies I know (important to add not friends!) demanded their girls come on holiday for a week to ibiza/thailand/etc... and there is just no way I would have done that as a bride or would I join in. I'd rather have a week away with my husband and child than blow all my money for someone else. It's also really expensive just to be a guest when you factor in outfits for a party and the wedding itself, transport, staying in a hotel for a night or two and buying the wedding gift. I would say even if you're paying be considerate that not everyone can get the time off easily. Also, even if theyre all paying for themselves do remember this is your wedding and ultimately it's your choice what happens. I would politely tell everyone that while their input is kind, the plan is... Then forget having everyone on pinterest as it's a recipe for disaster! Far too many different opinions to be dealing with! The wedding is a day for you and your husband so the planning of the day is up to you two. My husband and I paid for our own wedding and had ultimate say on everything we did. What's sometimes easiest is to plan things and just share the plans rather than asking for lots of input.Best of luck, remember to enjoy the process or wedding planning and the day itself!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 May 2017):
 You might be asking people to outlay a lot of money .... I've noticed it is getting expensive to accept a wedding invitation, and family members are in no position to refuse. Then there's your shower (another gift to be purchased) and the bachelorette party .... are you totally funding it or are people expected to pay to attend? Are you planning something all invitees will enjoy or just a few of you?
I'm aware its your wedding but you cant force people to do things hey don't enjoy or to spend money they don't have.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (1 May 2017):
Elope!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017): Take all the money and elope. For what a wedding costs nowdays you could go anywhere in the world and have the time of your lives. You only live once.
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A
female
reader, AnnalisaV  +, writes (1 May 2017):
 First of all, congratulations on your upcoming wedding :)Your predicament reminds me so much of when I was asked to organise a similar event:my experience was that the women invited all wanted to do something simple and not spend a lot of money, because some where not very close to her, others had children, so did not want to be away from them for long or could not afford child-care, others still simply could not afford more than a small meal at a restaurant, but the bride wanted a really memorable party, the best evening of her life, with as many people as possible putting her above all else for once.What happened? Well, I explained the bride's wishes to all the ladies, they all agreed on my plans, then... they all chickened out on the night, point blank refused to go beyond dinner at a local!I ended up reorganising the whole thing in the half hour before the bride turned up and... Actually, she was very happy, mainly because her memories are of the good time she had with the few closest friends who celebrated her :)My advice is that you take some of the pressure off and compromise:organise a celebration in two stages and ask people which they are up for. Ie- You could all have dinner, then those willing can go on to dancing, etc. or some of you go off to a spa week-end or special trip, then everybody else can join you for drinks and a dance... or whatever it is you are actually thinking of.Remember that people will have different budgets, different ideas of fun... and they will be investing on new clothes and gift for your actual wedding too.Also, a wedding is about joining your life to your fiance's, not saying 'good-bye' to family and friends. The people who matter will always be there for you.All the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017): Reach-out to them individually and remind them that this going to be your day! The things they may not like were approved and sanctioned by you; so it must mean they have a problem with you!
I do suggest you listen to matters that involve budgetary constraints; because sometimes it may be a financial burden if you're over-planning. If things are too grandiose, some family members may feel comfortable with formality. Older females may feel uncomfortable or left-out with a bachelorette party. They usually include some wild and funky things. Naturally they'll have opinions, but best they be ignored. It's about and for you, they can opt out!
You may be pushing beyond budget; and if you aren't paying for everything, it would behoove you to listen to reason.
You also have to remind the bridesmaid it's your wedding, not hers.
You get people to get along by being diplomatic, and letting everyone know that the ideas are what makes you happy, and the wedding is all about you. Not being too long or too grand is a good suggestion; if you want everyone invited to show-up!
Be willing to listen to grievances that may have some merit. Regain control, or they will turn your wedding day into a horror show. Sometimes threatening to dis-invite might be your only alternative.
Remind everyone that you welcome everyone willing and able to make your wedding the best day of your life. That includes all those days leading up to it as well.
You have to be strong enough to deal with the trouble-makers. If you're trying not to piss anybody off and letting everyone go at each other now; just imagine what it's going to be like at the reception when everyone has had a few drinks!!!
Get a backbone and get a grip on it now, girlfriend!
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A
female
reader, This_is_not_a_dress_rehearsal +, writes (1 May 2017):
 Stick up for your bridesmaid and for your ideas. Don't let them bully her. You're the bride, it's your wedding, you get to decide how it's going, as long as you're the one paying for it. By your age range, it looks like you probably are, so do what you like. Don't let them bully her.
If they're picking on her on the Pinterest board, stop posting on Pinterest. As you disagree with all their ideas, take them out of the mix. It's common sense. If they can't be polite, don't give them the opportunity to be rude. Block them from Pinterest or hide the board from them somehow. It's your wedding, do it the way you want, if they don't like it, tough.
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