A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI have a difficult situation.A year ago I met a guy online. All was good but then he stopped texting.Last month we matched on a different website. Neither of us have a photo up. From what he has told me I know this guy is the one who I met last year.I haven't told him who I am or given away my identity.I really like him and feel we have a connection.I'm nervous to reveal who I really am.What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2017): Reveal who you are if you think it's going to make some kind of difference. If he disappeared without an explanation; I think he'll do it again as soon as he knows who you are.
Most of the time, it's a married-guy or guy with a girlfriend trolling around for something on the side. If they get the right vibe or a lot of flirtation, they try to get a date. They disappear as soon as they get caught!
He doesn't show a picture because he doesn't want to be recognized!
He probably frequently changes sites, or belongs to several at once. These guys don't stick around if the fish don't bite, have pissed somebody off; or to hide their tracks from snooping girlfriends or wives. Usually it's to avoid exes; or scorned-dates "cat-fishing" online to track him down and catch him in the act. Cat-fishing is a weird thing people do to lure someone they suspect of cheating into relationships with phony personas. Trolls and predators cat-fish for prey!
I think he'd feel it was a little creepy if he suspects you've been searching for him. I'd pass, if I were you!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 I don't want to be harsh but surely you get that he didn't just stop talking to you for no reason. He must have had his reasons although he did do the cowardly thing off stopping replying. I don't get why you would want to start talking to him again after treating you like that, but I also don't think it will do you any favors trying to be someone else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 I agree with N91 as well, tell him who you are - and I'm sure he will pull a Houdini on you and "vanish" again. Which would be a good thing as he ALREADY a YEAR ago wasted your time.
It's not like he fell off the Planet a year ago and couldn't continue to talk to you, he CHOSE to not talk to you back then, what do you think has changed other than the dating site you are on? (^hint^ nothing).
My advice? Don't waste time on people who can't even be bothered to let you know they aren't THAT interested.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 I agree with N91.
Sure, try your luck- after all, the very worst that can happen is just... that he is not interested, which would leave you not worse than you are now, since you haven't even even seen or met each other ; in fact it would leave you better, because you'd know not to waste time on him anymore.
Just , keep in mind that the odds that he is not interested are higher than the odds that he is. Otherwise, if he had felt a connection too, he would not have ghosted you.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (13 April 2017):
 Whats the point of not revealing who you are?
If any kind of relationship is going to happen, you are going to have to fess up.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (13 April 2017):
 I think there was probably a reason you guys stopped speaking last time. If he thought there was the same connection I don't think he would of randomly disappeared.
Sure go ahead and reveal who you are but be prepared for him possibly disappearing again.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (13 April 2017):
 Why are you playing games (that goes for both of you)?
Are you on these websites to meet potential partners? If so, stop messing about and be up front. Hiding your identity will not get you anywhere.
In your shoes I would simply say "Heh, you are xxx who I used to be text buddies with, aren't you?" and see what he says. If he disappears again, leave him be. I would suspect he got into a relationship and stopped texting last time, although it was rude to just disappear. Bear in mind that, if he did that once, he could do it again and proceed with caution.
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