| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Would you be with a guy who knows he is a vital part of your life but he tells you that you are NOT a vital part of his??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 June 2017):
 No I wouldn't, its obvious you both want different things.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 June 2017):
 Personally, I don't think that, even at your age, I would have felt or said that a bf was a " vital " part of my life.
Not because I am more cynical than the average person ( well, maybe just a teensy weensy bit:) - but because I love words and I love them to be used in the proper way.
" Vital " does not just mean " important "; vital means necessary for the existence or continuation of something.
In this case, of your own life.
He is not. He is not necessary nor irreplaceable for your survival or livelihood, and , believe it or not, neither for your happiness, realization and mental health.
Of course I wish you that your relationship may last for as long as you want- but if it does not, you still have excellent chances to find someone else more compatible, to love again, to be happy again, and in general to live a fulfilling, rewarding, productive life.
Sorry for sounding pedantic, - at the end of the day, I guess what he means is that he feels you come on too strong, you are being too intense for your young age and your current kind of relationship.
I agree with YCBS- maybe you should emulate him, rather than getting offended. You both are young, and life may have in store many surprises, many twists and turns for both of you. He might very well be a pleasant , adequate companion for a part of a part of your path in life- but not for the next ( and that could be by your own choice ! )
So, I'd try to relax a bit and do not even think in terms of " vital " , as in :" he is the center of your universe , the be all and end all. And you should be his."
This is a lot to expect from anybody , even from someone very much in love, and I am not sure whether it's even healthy to expect it.
OTH, it may be simpler, in case you have used a figure of speech and you simply mean that you are very smitten with him- and he,noticeably less.
Say, you are totally into him, head over heels - and he likes you, but , at the end of the day, he can take you or leave you, no biggie.
In this case , yes, you should leave him. I can't imagine that unrequited love can bring much fun or joy, and those relationships where one does all the loving and the other one just let himself/herself graciously be loved- are a lot of work for scant result.
But if he just means that you are not the center of his universe, and his attention is ALSO on other stuff ( friends, hobbies, his future, his studies, etc... ) well, then he is a sensible guy and perhaps you should follow his example.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2017): If he's around the same age as you, how did this conversation come-up? How does he treat you?
I think being a vital part of someone's life might be a more appropriate term in reference to a much more mature couple in a well-established relationship. Even more appropriate for a fiance or a wife. Such a conversation for young people your age is a bit intense.
You can end the relationship if terminology and semantics is that important to you. I'd be more concerned with how I am treated and how faithful he is.
Careful not to come across as a bit high-maintenance. I might remind you that if you're both under 21; guys that young don't think on those terms yet. They don't have to. They're still undergoing their journey into manhood; and just learning things about females and relationships.
A young man's top priorities should be an education and career goals. Getting his bearings on who he is, learning his potential, sharpening his character, and gaining experience for his survival. Then when he is mature enough; he'll know who and whst is vital in his life. Maturity will teach him how to set his priorities; and the right lady in his life will take her place by his side as his equal.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 June 2017):
 Assuming this guy is of a similar age to you, I would be trying to emulate his thinking rather than dumping him.
At such an early age, your life should be about exploring and discovering life. You will change a lot over the next few years. You should not be allowing your happiness to be based on one other person.
Go out, have fun, meet lots of people, do lots of things, SHARE those things with him if you wish but don't make him the centre of your universe.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 June 2017):
 That depends. Do you WANT to be a vital part of his? If you do, then HE isn't the one for you.
Don't make a guy the SUN of your life where you just orbits HIM. Have a full live of your own, especially at your age.
And remember when a guy says something like that he MEANS it. So are you OK with not being a vital part or not?
If you are NOT OK, wish him luck and END it. Don't settle for being peripheral.
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