A
female
age
30-35,
*eow123
writes:HiI'm very worried.Iv just found out I'm pregnant, I know my partner does not want any, we have two children already. I'm not sure what to do, he will want me to have an abortion but I don't believe in them. iv not yet told him, I don't know how to, iv never gone behind his back to do a test, hes normally the one that tells me to. but this time I didn't tell him. I'm so scared, nervous.Thanks.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 May 2017):
 If he pressures you in to an abortion and you have one, it will be you that is ending that babies life, you that is left feeling empty, you that will find it hard to live with yourself. Do not let him bully you. If he is going to leave you to deal with three children then he is not a good person. You are better off on your own than have someone who is so low they would make you kill your own baby.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): I dont believe he will leave you but I do see him as pressuring you.This is a very unfair stance to take simply because he put you in to this situation.I think he realises that the pressure he puts you under is enough to make you comply because if this isnt enough he will up the intensity of the complaint to "Youre a bad mother and you wont be able to look after the kids or yourself without me, therefore the kids go to grannies and you get yourself out on the street and earn a decent living!"Then after that its :"When you are earning enough you can have the kids back!"Then after that its "But you dont have time to look after the kids and they are settled where they are so no point moving them back to you!"By the time all this plays out the kids are old enough to drive or walk back and forth to see you if you havent been bad mouthed so much that they feel ashamed to!I think your situation is more common than you think.The real problem is that he's just holding a gun to your head and there is no room for discussion and little acknowledgement of your feelings!"I suggest you see a counsellor to sort this out!To your guy its a cut and dried decision.No baby, no problems!And an abortion advisory clinic would take exactly the same stance and within ten days it would all be over and done with!Except you have feelings and may secretly grieve.A pro life group would argue just as forcefully in the other direction and you would be counselled to go ahead with your pregnancy!However you need impartial counselling which is totally different and not only confined to the immediate situation but can include the past, the present and the projected future. Also the possibility the impact of different decisions on your life and your happiness and that of your family!Sometimes anxiety alone can prevent a woman having a period so you should get that pregnancy test done and start looking at your options as a family!I would seek independent counselling in order to verify if your husband is communicating with you or ignoring you and also to determine the type of family you wish to be and how to work towards looking after your young ones as best you can!If you want to keep your husband onside then you had better stop being fearful of him and start telling him what you do or dont want and what you expect from him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): Talk to him. Tell him that you are pregnant. After wards, use ALL forms of protection and birth control! Even consider PERMANENT ones! Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): He's leaving? Well, that doesn't absolve him for his financial responsibilities for the children he fathered.
If he will leave you for this, he never really wanted to be with you or those kids in the first place. He's not leaving because you're pregnant; he's leaving because he's tired of manning-up to his responsibilities. Why won't he get a vasectomy?
Your family is sh*t, you say? Why? Because they never liked him in the first place, or you were the rebellious daughter who wouldn't listen? Why no friends? Didn't you have any before the man and the children? This is evidence you isolated and estranged yourself from your family; and he's the center of your universe.
There's a back story, but it is what it is. You have three to raise on your own, with the help of child-support. Such is life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): You don't believe in abortions, it's your body, and you have to live with making a choice you don't believe in. He has a say and he's entitled to his opinion; but forcing you to get an abortion really isn't his call. He may not have a conscience about it; but the being isn't growing in his body.
No one chose to use birth-control and both realized the high risk of pregnancy. Now a blessing becomes a problem and a bone of contention?
This is where love is tested. If he loves you, and his other children; one more will not be a problem. If it is, and he chooses to leave; then you know his true character. You made a mistake having the other two children with him. Why are you afraid of him being upset? He's equally responsible.
If you're not married, why aren't you taking precautions to avoid pregnancy? If you are married, and struggling financially. Same question? Did you purposely stop birth-control; or did you play Russian roulette taking your pills?
Now you'll find out just how loving he really is.
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A
female
reader, meow123 +, writes (22 May 2017):
meow123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your replies! I spoke to him and yes he wants an abortion or he will leave, says he cant copy with another one. iv told him if I'm more than 5weeks then its a no go as that's when the heartbeat starts.. I cant kill a living thing, a human, pig, cow nothing. I cant do this, I hate being in this horrible situation. worse thing I have no one to talk to, since having children I have no friends and my family is just shit... :(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 Why would he tell you " normally " to do pregnanacy tests ?! Don't you use birth control ? Knowing that he does not want chidren and all ? ( Yes, I know that birth control may fail you ...once in a blue moon... but not " normally " ! ).
Anyway- never mind that. It's simpler than you think :
if you do not want to have an abortion, do not have one.
Just refuse to consider the option or even discuss it.
Your body , your choice.
Sorry, BF- but you are an adult now, you know how babies are made, you got two alreday . If you wanted absolute certainty of not getting your gf pregnant , you should have gotten a vasectomy, or abstained from having sex.
Of course , I am not going to lie, if he is so adamant about not being a father again , there's even the possibility that when you refuse to abort he jumps ship- leaving you with the hard, difficult options to either raise your kids as a single mom, if this is even barely feasible moneywise, or else to put the new child up for adoption, if it is NOT feasible.
But, at the end of the day, that would not be so terrible. I mean, would you WANT a partner that does not give a fuck about your feelings about such a serious issue, and/ or blackmails you with " if you don't get rid of my baby , I am gone " ? ... Yeah, nice partner indeed.
Obviously, we don't know, that he will behave in a selfish , insensitive way. It's a possibility - but not greater than the possibility that, like tons of men surptised by an unplanned pregnancy, he will be a bit shocked or upset at first, and pretty soon he will come around ( if he loves you and respects where you are coming from,he WILL come around ). Maybe to end up like the mushiests of the doting dads :).
You need to find out, though. You need to tell him. Don't be scared. For once , everything : the laws, culture, society, religion if you have one, and plain common sense, are all on mom's side. Future mom's will trumps future
dad's , hands down.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (22 May 2017):
 It takes two to make a baby. If he really didn't want anymore then there is something he should have done about that. You should know each other well enough after two children to be able to talk about this. It concerns me that you're so worried about talking to him. Your only option is to tell him and explain how you were so worried that he would want an abortion that you did a test without him.
He cannot make you have an abortion. His decision will have to be to stay by you or not if you decide to keep it and if he isn't willing to stay by your side then that tells you a lot of important facts about his personality. Do not feel bullied into getting an abortion just to keep a man.
Really you can't do anything before speaking to I'm because he could surprise you and all of your worry would be for nothing.
If he loves you I hope he will support you
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