A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm only 17 but I am really wanting to have a baby. I've been with my amazing, supportive boyfriend for coming up to 2 years and he's everything to me. I'm currently having a really hard time at sixth form with my A levels, and have had to change my ideal future job because of how hard I'm finding A levels, I feel so lost for my future and have no idea now what I want from life in terms of working. The only thing that makes me happy is my boyfriend, and right now all I can think of is starting a family with him. I feel like being a mum will give me a purpose in life that I'm missing and I know both our loving families will support us. I know that having a baby at this age is going to be difficult as I'm so young but I can't stop thinking about it. Please help as I'm so close to possibly making the wrong decision? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 June 2017):
 That would be selfish off you to expect your and his parents to help. Don't have a baby until you are old enough and mature enough to handle the responsibility yourself. you simply don't have the resources to have a child at the moment. You have no job, babies cost lots off money. They need clothes, food, diapers, cot, pushchair to name a few things. Then if they get sick do you drive? Can you afford medical bills? Have you your own place, or can you afford to rent a house? If you like the idea off children then why not find work in childcare until you are old enough and are set up to have children off your own?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017): Why don't you get a job as a nanny for a newborn first?Stay at that job at least a year and then revisit this question.I bet you anything after that year you will for sure change your mind.
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 Go hire a sims baby. They are electronic babies that act like real ones. Cry at any hour of the day and night to be fed, changed or just like real babies-because they can. If you neglect them in any way it will record it. I have used them in the past with girls and boys your age, some don't even make it through the program before handing it back-tired and fed up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2017): dont intentionally make yourself another statistic. Plenty of people have advised you already, but I need to add that it is not the taxpayers responsibility to take care of irresponsible people and their offspring. Benefits were not invented as an alternative to work for those who want a baby at a young age despite not being able to support it. Good luck with your exams.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2017): You feel like being a mom until you have to stay-up all-night with the crying, changing poopy-diapers, and having to stay home all the time; because nobody wants to baby-sit, while you go out to party. Then the prenatal doctor's visits; then the postpartum physicals for both you and your baby. That ain't even half of it!
Colicky babies seem to cry for hours for no reason; they don't stop no matter what you do. The same happens when they're teething or gassy. Maturity gives you more patience with these things. Teenage moms have wanted to abandon or give-up their babies; once they encounter the realities of being a mom. They're cute, but when you're exhausted for the lack of sleep; crying will test your patience! That's what babies, toddlers, and spoiled-kids do!
Your body has to be matured enough physically to endure the body-changes and hormonal-fluctuations of pregnancy. You're still growing, and will until you're about 21.
Teenage-mothers sometimes have complications with their pregnancies during delivery, or postpartum troubles due to an underdeveloped pelvic-structure and birth canal. Their bodies are sometimes too fragile to carry to full-term.
Then the economics. Do you have a trust-fund stashed somewhere? Do you know a boy your age who can afford to pay child-support? How much do you earn? Can you afford a roof over your head, transportation to work, daycare while you work, groceries, baby diapers, formula; and pay the cost of utilities to stay cool in summer, and warm in winter? Are your parents ready to support you and your child? If you think you'll survive on social services, think again!
Let the feelings pass. Finish your education. Grow-up enough to take care of yourself; before you decide to bring some innocent child into the world; to suffer from your inability to provide him or her with the basic essentials.
A baby deserves safety, protection, good nutrition, love, security, and a stable environment. Not some inexperienced teenage-mom who decided out of the blue she'd like to have a baby. We're not talking about a doll here. You can't put a baby in a crib, and walkaway until you feel like picking the child up.
You may know some teenage moms. I do too. You'll say, they can do it. Mainly because they're forced to, or child-support authorities will take the child from them. People can and will report them, if they slip just once and anyone finds out! One mistake could kill a child! Youth is no excuse! A life is a huge responsibility!
The rewards of motherhood are better appreciated when you know you can give a baby love and everything he or she needs. You are a better mom when you are old enough to deal with the pressures and challenges of life; and still protect your child and give him or her a good life. The chances of having a baby taken from you by child-protection authorities are high; unless you can prove you can give the child everything a child needs to grow healthy, happy, and strong.
Concentrate on those exams. They are your present, a baby is for your future. Become a woman first. Establish yourself a good earning-potential, gain life-experience, be independent, and you'll offer a baby the best mother you could ever be.
Prepare yourself now!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 June 2017):
 Uh, yeah, you're thinking about the worst decision in your life. Having a baby just because you feel sorry for yourself? What a brilliant idea. Sorry to be harsh, but you said yourself you just want one to give your life purpose as you can't get the job you want because you find school too hard.
A baby isn't just a cute, little dolly, you know. It'll turn into a brat soon enough, keep you up all night, make you gain a lot of weight and give you bags under your eyes and make you look 10 years older than all your peers. And to top it off, you think completing some for of education is difficult NOW?!? Ha! Try doing it with a baby. Say bye bye to that education and any further job aspects besides flipping burgers.
Of course, you MIGHT get through an education and actually get a job and somehow manage to support yourself like an adult. But you sound like you just want to have a free ride through life, and that somehow a baby is your ticket to this free ride. Like you don't have to work or do shit if you have a baby. I think that's the absolutely worst reason to have a baby. Just so you can skip school and have your family support you.
Sweetie, nothing wrong in wanting a baby. But you need to do it for the right reasons. And if you want to be a good mom, you will also want to be able to give your baby, your child, everything it needs. How can you possible give it anything at all without an education, without a job, without even being adult enough to vote. You will be relying completely on family to take care of you. But that wont last forever, and as you turn 18 no one is financially responsible for you by law any more. You'd risk being kicked out and having to manage on some low paid job, if you even get that, WITH A KID to top it of.
Never mind the fact that your boyfriend and you are still kids, and the statistics aren't in your favour. Most relationships at your age, they fail. They break up. So within a year or two, all statistics point to you being a single mom.
Is THAT really the best future you are able to give your future child?
Have a child when your CHILD is your first priority, and not when you want to use a child simply to avoid having to deal with things you find difficult. And get married first.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 June 2017):
 Don't pop out a child you can't take care off because the career you THOUGHT you were going to have isn't going to be easy to achieve.
It's OK having to WORK hard to get where you want to go. If your A-level doesn't come out to be as good as you wanted them to be, either refocus your aspirations or FIND a way to work around them and STILL go after what you want. You are not going to get everything handed to you. My brother took a LONG detour, wasted 4 years of college (with nothing to show for at the end) yet he found a way to STILL achieve his dreams. At the age of 40, he finished his MBA. He makes a 6 figure salary and gets to travel the world for work AND fun.
Where there is a WILL there is a WAY.
Having a child now is not really a good idea, I think you know that. LIVE a little before adding more people to the planet. Set some GOALS for yourself.
While I get that having a child might FEEL like an accomplishment - it really isn't. RAISING a child well, now THAT is an accomplishment and that takes maturity and experience. Something you don't quite have yet.
RELAX, there is no HURRY to have a child now. You have another 20 YEARS of fertility (on average) left. So WHY not set yourself some goals and HIT those FIRST. BUILD a life so that you can GIVE your child the BEST start in life?
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female
reader, Crybabyloo  +, writes (6 June 2017):
That doesn't make sense at all. I think you're just confused right now because you're having a hard time with your studies. Have time to rest and relax your mind a bit. Take things slowly. I don't think raising a baby will ever be easy.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2017):
 How kind of you to bestow on your loving families the privilege to support you and your baby,and let them expend a profusion of money, time, and physical energies on helping a couple of kids to raise another kid. They could, and should, have the legitimate expectation to expend all these resources on THEMSELVES, now that THEY have ( almost ) raised their children- but then again, they are just parents... what's their comfort, convenience and wellbeing compared to the gratification of a teenager's fancies ? Irrelevant, undoubtely !
Sorry to sound so harsh, OP, but I just can't help being part amazed, part amused, and part downright annoyed in front of typical teenage egocentrism.
Yeah yeah, I get it- your (and / or his) parents will step up to the plate, they will help you out without grumbling, in fact eventually they will be totally in love with this unexpecred new bundle of joy.
But ... have you consulted them about your plan ,since it entails their involvement ?
Did your mom ASK you to give her a grandchild ? Yes, I get it that she will take it graciously ,given no choice, but , given the choice, would she WANT a new baby in her house or around her most of the time ? Did she SAY that she is looking forward to be a grandparent and share with you the baby's upbringing ?
No ? Then why do you want to tip her hand, and force her to accept a gift that she did not even think she may want or need ?
I am pretty sure you haven't considered things under this aspect, i.e. the dubious ethics of having a child when you know that you are unable to support him/her om your own. If you are self sufficient and self supporting- go ahead, have all the babies you want when you want them. But if you need somebody else's money, time, and effort to help you raise a baby, whether this somebody is a parent, a friend, a SO ... then ask them first if they like the idea !
The harsh voice of reality also says that , as much as you need a purpose in life,.. you need a dual income more Unless you are extremely well off, or extremely frugal. It is what it is , and in UK ( like in many other countries in the world ) you need two reasonable incomes to have a reasonable, decent standard of life and to raise a family
Now, of course you can be a working mom at 17 too,( many are because , differently from you, they have no choice ). But I doubt that at your age and with no school qualifications you could get other than menial, dead end jobs. Isn't it better if you give yourself a push and complete your education first ? So , in a few years, you can be a working mom with a career , or at least a rewarding job ? rather than a " whatever puts some food on the table " working mom ?
You need a purpose in life - and you are right, I think everybody needs a purpose in life to feel alive and not just getting by. But, why , at least ATM, your purpose cannot be discovering your talents and passions, identifyng your strengths, and , most of all, passing the test for the damn A levels ?!
I have no idea how these things works in UK, because in the places I have lived longer ( Italy and USA ) the system is all different. But I guess , and hope, that if you fail this year, you can always re-take the test next year , right ? Maybe you need to take a breather, or to go to a slower pace than other people, and there's nothing wrong in that, everybody is different and if it takes you a bit more to reach an educational goal, that does not mean that you are not good enough or intelligent enough ! Just keep in mind that, if you think spending one year ( ok, 9 months ) pregnant, is gonna be more fun and less demanding, that spending one more year ( or 9 months ) repeating the subjects with which you are struggling now... eh you are going to be sorely disappointed.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 June 2017):
 Don't even think about it.
You're way too young, your education is the main priority at the moment, until you and your BF both have stable jobs in which you can financially provide for a child then you are not ready.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 June 2017):
 You have said it yourself: it would be the "wrong decision".
Don't panic about your A levels. Do you have supportive teachers you can talk to and get help? Don't worry about your future career. Things do work out. Sometimes not as we planned, but they work out.
If you are doing A levels, you are obviously academically clever and have a bright future ahead of you. Don't throw all that in by having a baby so young in life. You can have a baby after your studies, after establishing yourself in your career, after getting financially stable.
You are fixating on having a baby because that feels "safe" compared to what you are struggling with at the moment. Trust me, having and rearing a baby is no bed of roses. Yes, it is wonderful and rewarding, but it is also very hard work, with our without a supportive partner and family.
Good luck with your exams. I hope you do well.
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