A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I deserve to be blamed. I got divorce 4 years ago. My life was good just always I felt something is missing. Every time I was seeing couples holding hands it was catching my attention . I got divorce which I regret it today. It didn't worth the pain and drama. My ex didn't try to fix anything all he did was trying to destroy me to get revenge. I walked away without getting a penny and no child support but he is still mad today and crying to take me back but he destroyed all the bridges. Anyway I started LDR with someone that I knew from the past. We live in different countries. He did everything in his power and lots of sacrifices to make it work and I know he truly loves me. 3 years into relationship and we were arguing sometimes. He draw the last straw on the last fight and I broke up with him. We weren't talking for a month and he said ok my visa is ready but I respect your decision and won't come. All lies he never believed that we broke up because he came back after a month pretending nothing has happened. To make it worse I met someone here and the guy is madly in love with me asking for marriage and treats me like a queen. He is very professional and educated. I know I shouldn't have done that but I was mad and tired and he asked me out and I agreed. So both guys know about each other and my ex husband as well and my ex boyfriend just came to Canada few days ago landed in another city trying to convince me to get back to him. I have created such a mess and I'm responsible for all of it. 3 guys are fighting to win me over and I have panic attack every day. I can't make a decision. Sometimes I feel bad for may ex husband and decide to get back to him for my child then I think what he did to me and now I have these 2 guys in the mix. I absolutely can not make a decision as I'm so scared of unknown. What the hell should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2017): I quite agree that none of these men are good news.
Take some time and be on your own and catch your breath.
This latest guy? Alarm bells!! Any time I hear 'he treats me like a queen/princess' etc and he's talking of marriage so fast? I hear VERY loud alarm bells. These are two tactics used by abusive men. They sweep you off your feet and 'love bomb' you. They ask for marriage and move very quickly so that you don't have the chance to think properly and with your brain rather than your heart. You don't see what they're up to. Read about abuse and stay away form all three men would be my advise as I think you are attracted to this kind of man and I think you unwittingly give off signals to them that you will be taken in by them.
I'm sure you're attractive and lovely so try and find a man who treats you in a normal way and is a nice intelligent and loving man. Not an abusive player.
Good luck x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 Please get rid off all contact from your ex husband unless off course it is to do with your children that marriage is over.
You ended things with your boyfriend so please do not feel bad that he is just assuming you are still together. If it was not working for you both then end it. Tell him to stop contacting you and get him out off your life.
If the new guy you went on a date with is treating you well then enjoy it. Go on more dates with him and see how it goes. Don't rush in to marriage with him, just take your time and be happy. You deserve to be happy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 As flattering as it must be to have 3 different men competing to win you over, unless you thrive on the ego bust and related drama, and you want to keep it going- then there's actually not much to be puzzled about and not many alternatives to choose among.
In fact, it seems to me that your situation is pretty simple.
- your ex husband is your EX husband ! If you went through all the hassle and costs of getting divorced, regardless of having had a child together- well that must mean something, doesn't it ? Yes, correct : it means that it's over, closed, finished, because you two together aren't good for each other and don't have what it takes to keep a relationship going. Otherwise- you'd have kept it going and you would not have resorted to splitting up officially and legally.
- your EX boyfriend is an EX too, and unless you still retain the teenagerish habit ( but I don't think so... ) of breaking up with a guy just for the pleasure of seeing him squirm and beg you to come back... then he is out of the game too. I mean, you must have had your good reasons to break up , even if there were mutual love feelings, right ? Arguments. " Last straw ". It sounds as if things did not work, and you realized it in time. Now why would you want to go back on your decision ? - because you feel guilty that he got a visa and moved abroad... to follow you ?
Pardon my cynical self, but I don't buy that. He moved to Canada because of you.... and because in his opinion Canada offers him chances of a better life / better job / better income. I.E. he did it for himself. I strongly doubt that he would have left his country to join you... if you were living in, say, Somalia or Ethiopia, or any other country which , unluckily, can't offer anything in terms of improving one's standard of life !
Now,Uncle N91 is stricter than I am, and he wants to see you ditching also suitor N.3 and restart from scratch.
I 'll be more lenient , you can keep dating guy no.3 , if you want :). Poor no. 3, he has not done anything to you so far, he has not abused you, you haven't argued, and it's not his fault if you have quite some emotional baggage. Apparently he is a gentleman and a nice person, he treats you well, etc... Just- slow down. Cool your jets. Take it easy, and get to know him better , in plenty of time, before jumping in headfirst in some super - whirlwind passionate, romance . CHECK if you are actually compatible , before making promises and committments , or rushing into cohabitataion or marriage. Everibody is perfect at first, everybody may seem Prince Charming and your perfect half apple during the first few dates. I get the feeling that this is a very new , recent " thing " and that you might be precisely in the first few dates stage, and you actually don't know much about this man. All the marvellous qualities you see in him may just be a projection of your wishes, rather than what actually IS.
Take things slow, and , while it's good that you can keep your heart open after previous disappointments- remember to keep also your eyes and ear open ; so that you can decide if you and Mr. No 3 could be well matched based also on what your brain tells you, not just your emotions and / or fear of loneliness.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 None of these guys are for you.
Your ex simply because you have divorced.
The second guy because you fell out and broke things off meaning it wasn't working for whatever reason.
The third guy because you rushed into things and half assed accepted his offer of a date. I also think it's a red flag that he's saying he would like to marry you after a short space of time.
You need to space yourself from this drama. Tell all 3 of them that it's over, block the last 2 guys and only communicate with your ex for the sake of your child, that's the simplest way to distance yourself from all of this.
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