A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If you were not invited to a work social event and 3/4 the rest of your female colleagues were would you feel left out?It was a one colleague's 24th birthday, and later that same day another colleague's, who is 29, hens/bachellorette dinner.Pictures everywhere on facebookHappy smiles and "love my awesome colleagues and my friends" comments from both women.I'm quieter at work but am polite and try to be friendly. If people say Hi when I do good, but if not that's ok. Work is work and i do my best to be a good worker and be a team player and i chat when people respond, and if they don't that's fine.We cannot like all our colleagues or be bffs with all!How should i respond at work next week?Ask them how it went?I didn't know either event was on until i saw it on facebook!Or do I just listen and respond with the odd comment when theytalk about it at lunch.Feel so left out and unliked.Have worked with some of these colleagues 1 year, some 9+ yearsI'm not new! We are all the same level, none of us bosses etcAges 24-57 of those invited.We work in a cliquey hospital environment. I really like my job - no enemies - not changing jobsI just feel hurt!Damn social media!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2017): It would be strange if everyone were invited except for only you. But that's not the case.
Yes, it's annoying and yes, I would feel the same as you.
But try not to let it affect you. Just accept that some people aren't as close so not everyone was invited, but it's not about liking or not liking people. If you feel you are friendly, kind, sociable and not doing anything wrong, then have faith in that and be strong! You're good! Don't show any sign of hurt, bitterness, or being upset, since that alone sets off people.
Do you hang out with these coworkers outside of work? Do you talk about your personal lives? I think that's a good rule of thumb for expecting an invite... Otherwise, keep expectations low and keep being friendly and loving your job :)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 You said it yourself : we cannot like all our colleagues or be bffs with all !
It sounds as if you are disappointed because you think you SHOULD have been invited, but , from how you describe your interactions ar work , maybe your expectations were unwarranted.
It does not seem that you normally socialize with these people either at work or after work. Your relationships are mutually polite, but not close or personal.
Of course you are polite , of course you say hi ( and don't try to force a response ), of course you occasionally chat when people are responsive, and accept when they aren't : Why should it be any different ? That ìs normal in a workplace. Why should you make a point of being openly hostile or rude ? you are just adopting the correct attitude that's to be expected in a non- conflictual , professional work environment. That does not mean , though, that you and these people are friends, or know each other well, or should take a mutual, personal interest., or that there is any sort of personal connection which would justify inviting you to a personal, non- work event.
It does not mean that they dislike you, or that they want to punish you for something - simply, a connection at an intimate , personal ( not professional ) level has not not been established .
It is not mandatory nor authomatic that it should / can established just from being mutually civil.
It is true that , in a way, you may have been " penalized " by your being a quiet(er ), sort of reserved individual. It may not be " right ", but generally people are more attracted to and open toward outgoing,lively personalities than to shy or introverted people. It is what it is- and you are who you are . So you do not have to change yourself to become " popular " ( we are not in high school anymore ) - just to stop giving an excessive importance, to " belonging " in the workplace, other than at a professional level. Ater all , work is work- and you are there to perform certain tasks, not to build up a social circle .
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 Hit enter too soon...
Higher fences make better neighbours. Keeping a professional distance between you also decreases your chances of being drawn into personal squabbles or having to pick sides.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 June 2017):
I'm with N91 and Honeypie.
No one is obliged to invite the whole department to any kind of personal social event. We're closer with some people than with others.
If you were hosting a WORK event, such as the company Christmas party then it would be rude to deliberately exclude people. Different set of rules for a private event.
I don't think your colleagues meant to exclude you. It's just that they're not as close to you as they are to others. I suspect they don't quite know where they fit in with you or see you as more reserved than you realise.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (11 June 2017):
 It's very normal to feel upset. I do feel it was rude to have left certain colleagues out of the parties that were hosted but then you can't do anything about it.
If it were me, I'd either have invited everyone or no one at all from the workplace. Just a while back today my husband and I were talking about having a small party at home and we were in two minds about his co-workers being invited. He is fond of some of them while he cannot stand the others and has absolutely zero interactions with a few. However, it's rude to pick and choose because word will obviously get around so maybe we'll have to ask everyone in his department to come.
Anyway now you know these people and you should make up your mind even more than you're there just to work and not to make personal relationships. People don't have etiquette. They don't think how small actions of theirs can hurt others. Don't take it personally OP. It's not because they don't like you, it's just that they didn't think you would fit in. Meh. I wouldn't lose sleep over it. They'll talk about this for a day or two and then forget about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 June 2017):
 I agree with N91.
If you don't socialize at work or outside of work I don't see the big deal. I have had coworkers I like but wouldn't invite to social things outside of work. Doesn't matter how long you have known them at work.
If you were planning something and invited SOME coworkers, wouldn't you pick the ones you are friendly with rather than the ones you just see as coworkers?
You didn't get invited because they don't like you, it's because they don't rally know you. Perhaps they even think you wouldn't want to come. Or maybe they just didn't think to invite you.
Stick to your own social circle expand on it if you want, but I wouldn't feel bad for not having been included in this. After all, it's NOT like you are bosom buddies with the two who held the events.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (11 June 2017):
 Wouldn't lose a second of sleep over it.
Work is work, you're there to do a job, it's not a social event.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2017): Ask them how it went ...I would be upset if I wasn't invited out by work mates
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