A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am Russian and Lithuanian and my mother wants me too date/marry only a Russian or Lithuanian, well right now im dating an Irish boy, but my mother doesn't like it at all. What do I do? I really like the boy and he really likes me but my mother keeps getting in the way. Should i break up with him to please my family?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Simple.Compassion  +, writes (6 February 2007):
I'm familiar with this sort of topic because there are a lot of parents in this world that are quick to judge a friend or boyfriend based on things like their race, how they dress, their income or any other of a number of things. I think the best thing to do in a situation like this is to slowly talk with you mother about it. Explain to her that just because someone if from another culture, it doesnt mean that they can't agree upon the same moral code or get along just as well. Work at helping her become more excepting, and take it slowly. Try your best not to fight with her about this topic, as it will only make her have bad feelings about it. Just explain that you really are thinking about who you date and that your thinking goes beyond race, because she knows every Russian or Lithuanian guy isnt automatically good for you.
Just be gentle and try to understand her worries about dating people out of your race. Hopefully she'll eventually understand or at least accept it. But I definately think you shouldnt not date a guy just because your family doesnt like him at first. Give her some time, let her get to know the Irish boy, and other people from different cultures. Soon she'll begin to see there are great people from all over the world.
Good luck with all and best of wishes.
~Ria
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 There is no reason why you can't remain friends with your Irish friend. It's not as if you are engaged to be married. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're only getting to know different people. Let your mom know you are a sensible girl and want to learn about different cultures before you even begin to settle down. She's only trying to protect you you know. Once you're 18 you can make your own decisions in life but if she sees that both you and this boy are sensible and grounded and that you both respect one another as people and aren't ready to rush headlong into marriage and motherhood then I'm sure she'll respect your views.
It's important to keep in mind that parents only want the best for their children but they should also want to see them happy too. Maybe if she sees you're happy with this boy and you seem to have a "glow" around you, she'll see that he's good for you. Try and teach him more about your culture and your language and let your mom know that he's learning to speak your language too.
Your mom too is probably not used to change. The older you are the harder it gets to bring about change in your life. She KNOWS the Russian/Lithuanian way, she doesn't know any other way so how does she know he can't be good for you? Take things slowly with your Irish friend and let your mom see that you're sensible and are only good friends for now.
Eve
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (4 February 2007):
 I don't think you should break up with the Irish boy to please your family. First have a chat with your mother and find out why exactly she wants you to date a Russian Lithuanian boy. Discuss her reasons with her. Probably she is worried about you meeting the wrong type of person, or else worried that he won't fit in with the family, especially if language is a problem. Then I would assure her that you're very young and not planning to marry in the near future, so dating other guys is not serious. Explain that you enjoy the Irish boys company and that she will be the first to know if it ever becomes a serious relationship. Tell her you are just having fun at this stage and she shouldn't be worried about you and make sure that you take her fears seriously. I really hope it works out for you.
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