A
female
age
41-50,
*siabutnotasian
writes:Dear Cupid,My boyfriend of six years moved thousands of miles away a half a year ago to pursue a teaching career. In the first two years we were together, we knew we were done with dating other people and had an understanding that we'd eventually get married. But then he moved away, assuming it was okay and that I'd follow him in another year or so.He is my soulmate and I love him. I've recently begun sleeping with a married man and although I abhor people in my situation, I just don't feel guilty about it at all.Should I stop what I'm doing even though I probably won't be with my boyfriend for another two years?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2007): It doesn't matter if you love him or not, you should never cheat on someone. You need to break it off with your BO.
P.S. you are going to hell:( ,and I also hate people in your situation
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): well its up to you i mean do u love him ?? this guy is married think of his wife his family if your just doin this cause ure bord u shu sop now if u luv him let him no but if so his wife will find out sooner rather than later, end it with the other guy if i were u id move on 4gt both fresh start best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): To further Eve's comments, a soul mate is someone whom you have an affinity with. You clearly DO NOT have anything close to having an affinity with your bf, let alone the man you're cheating with.
An affinity with the person in your life means the incorporation of spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical connection. If the affinity was there, the 'lack' of sex because of distance wouldn't even be...
Nvm, lost my train of thought. 8/
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 February 2007):
 You say your boyfriend is your soulmate. Do you understand what the word soulmate really means? I had to come back and let you know -
Your soulmate is a person with whom from the outset, you have a special connection. He or she is someone to whom you are profoundly drawn. On first meeting your soulmate you will find that you instantly click, that there is a rapport. You feel that no one else in the room matters. They are someone with whom you have chemistry and you spark off one another, you are so intrigued by them that you find yourself listening more than you want to talk.
Your soulmate will be someone with whom you immediately feel comfortable. When you first meet, your heart may skip a beat at the mere mention of their name, your stomach may churn when you bump into them but they should also, in time, be someone with whom you feel at one. With this person you should feel safe and secure. They are not a person who would undermine you. They are not someone in whose company you feel threatened or small and they will love, respect and care for you.
Your soulmate is not someone who would ever want you to change. They think the world of you as you are. They are someone with whom you can share your innermost thoughts and worries, a person with whom you should be able to share anything, they are your friend and your confidante and your relationship with them should be HONEST. You should not be afraid of telling them anything because they love you as you are! They will never judge you and whatever you do their opinion of you will not change.
You are always "yourself" when you are together. You never try to be anything more or someone different because you don't need to. You don't have to impress them to win them over and you never have to play games to make them like you. You may come from different backgrounds, different countries, be twenty years apart, none of that has any bearing on whether you are perfectly matched. You see more in each other than the naked eye could ever see. You see into each other's souls which is why you have this deep, strong link.
There is an unspoken language between you and the spiritual connection between you both is so deep that you seem to be able to communicate without even speaking to each other. You are happy to lie in silence together. You feel sometimes that there is no need to talk because you feel that you know what they are thinking anyway. You feel so close to them that sometimes you think you could almost read their mind. You know when they are worried, in pain, or sad just by looking at them. It is as though there exists some kind of telepathy between you. You will often think the same things at the same times. You are able to finish each others sentences on occasions.
When you meet this special person you WILL know. Do you think you feel HALF of the things I've mentioned here?
Eve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (3 February 2007):
Okay, let's put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes here. How would YOU feel if you were him and found out about this? He'd be crushed! You both made a commitment to each other and although he's away at the moment he should be able to trust you.
This married man is only using you, you're his "bit on the side". If this gets out you're not only hurting your boyfriend but you could also break up a marriage. Again, put yourself in wife's shoes, how would you feel if your husband was cheating on YOU? Stop being so selfish here, using people for your own self gratification because that's all it is.
My advice to you is to break it off with this man now. Have a bit more respect for yourself and stop being this man's "cheap bit on the side." I'm sorry for being so blunt and I know it probably isn't what you want to hear but it's the truth.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): If you think you're not going to be with your boyfriend, just break up now. Plus cheating when you're in a relationship really mind boggles me. It completely and utterly cancels each other out. It's like saying I'll become a monk, but I'll continue to kill and eat meat at the same time - it doesn't make sense.
U obviously don't know what a soul mate means - at least not even the idea of it. A soul mate or a set of soul mates incorporate everything that a person would find absolutely compatible in aspects that which you have sought after.
Your boyfriend is NOT your soul mate if you're sleeping around with another guy. Your boyfriend is simply someone you possibly can live together for a long time, but that's it. Nothing special about it.
Definitely cut him loose, save him that heart break. You absolutely have some unresolved internal issues if you have to consort to cheating on your partner, while thinking that he is indeed your soul mate, when you have no grasp of what 'soul mate' even is in the first place.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 Hi. Well having an affair with a married man is wrong! You're going to break up a marriage for a few moments of pleasure and land up feeling lousy about yourself. The fact that you can sleep with another man obviously means that you're feelings for your boyfriend have changed or you're very lonely and need some intimacy which is understandable with a LD relationship but not really an excuse. You should have called time-out before you did anything but it’s done so it's no use crying over spilt milk. Has your boyfriend also got a girl on the side? How would you feel about that? Probably a good idea to have a break from your boyfriend and end it ASAP with the married guy. Take some time for yourself and really figure out what it is you want out of life and a relationship. Examine and if necessary redefine your principles and values. If you really want to be with your boyfriend, or he with you, you'll take the decision to move and join him, or him you, wherever you are in the world but this obviously is a financial/logistic decision that needs to be taken by both of you. Soul mates don't come along that often so think profoundly. Do you have the same goals, aspirations and values? Obviously if you're going to live together you might have to tell him about your infidelity or else your guilt will hinder any future harmony. The longer your “affair” goes on the harder getting back together with your boyfriend will be! I’m sure you’ll make the honourable decision. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): How can you sleep with someone else and then say your bf is your soulmate? I don't understand. The bloke you are sleeping with is married? You have no respect for yourself. I'm sorry to sound so hard but your bf has gone off in search of a teaching career, which in turn would mean a better future for the two of you, so why do you need to go off and sleep with a married man? How would you feel if he is sleeping with a married woman while he is away? Not good, i bet. How would this married man's wife feel if she found out? Do they have kids? Get your act together girl! Stop this right now, do you expect us aunts to praise you for it? NO! why can't you move to where he is and maybe help out by getting a job and being with him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 February 2007):
 If you truely loved your boyfriend as much as you say then you wouldn't think of sleeping with anybody else. So I'm thinking that you should cut him loose so not only can he find someone who really truely loves him but also someone who has some class and who behaves with honor and integrity.
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