A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear friends,My name is Seb and i'm 18. i have been bi curious now since i was 11, which is a long time but i have never done anything homosexual until recently. It has caused a huge amount of problems for me. Firstly, i cant deny my feelings towards men, but to make me feel better, I started hanging out with out gay boys in my school. I had no intention of seducing them i just wanted to be around out gay people just to feel better i guess about my self. As if being with them, lets people know that im gay altough i have never come out to anyone. Does that make sense?But the main problem is this. My good, gay friend who thinks i am straight, has had many many boyfriends in the past and he tells me about all of them and i help him out a lot. He has a very out going life style, he is always at that party, or at that club, kissing that guy or sleeping with this guy but he never had anyone to talk to. I listend to him and now we are very close friends and he takes me out now to all these amazing places. He even introduced me to a friend of his called amy, who i lost my virginity to. It was magical and at the right time. there is no problem yet. This all happened last month but then sam introduces me to someone called jimmy. Sam really loves jimmy and he really wants to kiss him and to be his boyfriend. I was introduced to jimmy as sam's straight friend but that didnt stop what happened. Jimmy starts talking and flirting with me! i was scared and extactic at the same time. I have waited nearly 7 years for this moment. aAll would be decided upon how he made me feel, but jimmy wasnt interested in sam at all. One night , jimmy and i fooled around a bit but did not have sex and we have kept in contact for a few weeks now. Sam, unknown to our activities, started to get depressed after jimmy told him he doesnt fancy him, because he fancies someone else. I was now shocked and scared. What would sam do if he found out? He has been my best friend who we told eveyrthing to each other for nearly a year now. He took me out to all these amazing places and i met tons of new people and i even lost my virginity in the best way because of him. He has been a very valuable friend.Now, Jimmy told sam everything we had done together, and sam, who was convinced i was his straight friend, is no longer talking to me and i dont know what to do. I have told jimmy i never want to see him again. i am now left in a horribly confused state with the foundations of my sexual identity completly shaken and a friend who will not talk to me, and now this whole thing has a risk of getting out to the whole school. I dont know what to do, and theres no one i can talk to at all. i fee like ive lost everything. please helpSeb
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male
reader, lboy +, writes (7 February 2007):
 dear seb,
i really think that you need to tell all this to sam let him know how you feel about his friendship, tell him that you didn't mean for anything to happen between you and jimmy it just ...did.
if he doesn't listen or forgive you then just give him some time to cool down and them he shopuld be rasional again and you should be able to get through to him. let him now that he means alot to you and that you feel alone without him to talk to. he should see how you feel and forgive you about the whole thing. don't worry the friendship might start to get a bit weird now that he knows that you r bi curious, but it will sort itself out in time just go with the flow.
good luck
lboy
xxx
p.s. please write back and tell us how it went we like to know how our advice helped.x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): although sam liked this guy jimmy, jimmy is not his property. If he is pissed off because you lied then thats fairer. but maybe he has had a thing for you not jimmy and feels decieved that he never new the truth about you. he may then feel decived on two counts, and as someone who "pride"s themselves on being truthfull about their sexuality and probably defines their person around it this is inauthenticity on a big scale. which he probably hates.
ask him for some understanding
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (4 February 2007):
 It's fine to be bicurious and it's fine to mess about with guys but what is never fine is to go after guys that belong to your friends. This applies to you whether you're straight, gay or bi. If you want to keep Sam's friendship break things off with Jimmy and show him that his friendship is more important than a relationship with Jimmy and just hope things work themselves out given time.
CD
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (4 February 2007):
 Hi Seb,
You need to talk to Sam again and let him know you've always been bi curious. Let him know you value his friendship more than anything else in this world and you aren't the slightest bit interested in Jimmy! Tell him Jimmy charmed you but you've told him there's no way you're interested in having a relationship with him.
If you can't tell Sam this face to face then I suggest you buy a card with "I'm sorry" or "Please Forgive Me" or "To a Very Special Friend" on the front of it. Write in it how you really feel like the example I gave you above. You need to do this sooner rather than later to win back his friendship. Tell him you sorely regret what happened, the main thing is you want his friendship back as you miss talking to him so much. Let him know you'll give him some space and to contact you (phone number, email, letter etc) if he wants to forgive you.
You KNOW what you did was wrong and you so wish you could turn the clock back. Good friends are hard to find but I would say an apology from you IS in order, it's the way you do it that counts. Remember, Sam will be very sensitive and hurt just now so pick your words carefully.
Good luck, maybe you could let me know how it goes. :o)
Eve
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