A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago and i still really like him but he is already with someone else we were together for 2 years and i'm really hurting, i don't really have anyone to talk to but him and all i want to do is ring him and talk to him, i've text him like 3 times and rang him today! how can i stop feeling really obsessed with him?
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male
reader, Gregtom  +, writes (17 August 2009):
Let go of him. get hi out of your mind and your system. The two of you broke up 2 weeks ago, and he is already with someone else? No girlfriend - he is not worthy your love. i bet my life that he has been cheating on you all along - and the break-up came because he wanted to be with this other person. So pack your bags and meet other people, and make new friends. It wont be easy - but it will be possible - Smile and have fun. read books - watch good movies - throw out everything that reminds you of him. break all communication with him until your heart is healed.Healing comes from being able to have preseverance,and self respect. You can do it - the hurt will not last forever - as the saying goes - Time heal all wounds.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): As the new girlfriend in a similar situation who has been watching her guy go through this with his ex, here's my take.
My boyfriend's ex keeps calling - sometimes repeatedly if he doesn't answer. It only seems to make him feel more justified in breaking up with her - like each phone call is proof that she's completely insane and has no respect for him and his wishes. (e.g. Can't respect that he doesn't want to be with her anymore.)
No one seems to consider that trying to push someone to come back to you is INSULTING: it's like telling them you know what's right for them better than they do. I can't help feel but that if you really cared about him, you'd show respect for him and his decision.
If you think you can handle staying friends, just remember - if you called him, WAIT FOR HIM TO RESPOND. If he doesn't... he probably doesn't want to talk to you. It's unlikely that he wants desperately to talk to you, but is trapped under something heavy.
If you insist on calling him again and again, trying to force him to talk to you... you're back to insulting him by telling him that what YOU want should be more important than what HE wants. What kind of friend is that?
We all go a little nuts with hurt sometimes when we really loved someone. It gets hard to remember that REALLY loving someone means wanting what is best for them, even if that goes against what you want for yourself sometimes.
If you think maybe you've already gone over the edge and harassed him to the point where he's angry - try sending a simple text that says "I'm sorry I've been bothering you so much, I really hope we can be friends someday."
THEN LEAVE IT (AND HIM) ALONE. If you've been calling him a lot, his new girlfriend may hate your guts at this point. If so, then you've probably made it really awkward for him to be friends with you so long as he is still with her.
In a relationship, just like with sex, both people need to want it. Trying to force a relationship (even a friendship) is like a sort of rape, that shows a complete lack of respect for anything the other person might want. It's cruel and disrespectful.
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A
female
reader, xxprincessxx +, writes (5 February 2007):
Hi i have been through exactly the same a few weeks ago. My m8 deleted his phone number from my phone so i couldnt get in contact with him. i was so upset for about a week and after this things looked up. A few days with no contact with him will be the start of gd things. now i realise what a twat my ex is and dont see what i saw in him in the first place. i know its hard but good luck xx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
 You are both still young and 2 years is a long time. You are maybe more dependent on him than you first thought and of course he would have been your life, your best friend as well as your lover and now it's all so totally different. How can you move on?
Texting and calling him are definitely no no's! This will only make him feel worse and of course he has a new girlfriend so he's definitely moved on. What you need to do is learn how to move on too. Here are a few pointers for you -
1. Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and one discordant person is enough to have it break up.
2. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no instant messaging and most importantly, no sex- not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
4. Think through everything in your head. Maybe even try to ask yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn't a good one, then this person isn't worth your time.
5. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the "split" was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart for no reason.
6. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don't need this sort of pain.
7. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" what you're supposed to be learning from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
8. Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that.
9. Don't overreact. You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don't go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Likewise, don't jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It's not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.
10. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
11. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was very unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together.
TIPS
• You have to walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you could give. If you feel all this and that you did your part, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you'll be just fine.
• Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now and if you should visit. Don't try to talk to him or her about the break up. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
• Listen to a song that makes you feel empowered and happy. Do it as often as you need to.
• Remember that your ex is trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that.
• As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do -- something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process and involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
• Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a break up or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships... and that is O.K., no matter what you do in life.
WARNINGS
• Don't look for distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache. You're *supposed* to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Ride it out--turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. You will feel better.
• If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
• Be wary of people who are willing to let you prove how sexually proficient you are. They will have as many feelings for you as wolves do for rabbits. All you’ll be to them is a handy way to satisfy an appetite.
• If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
• Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life without them -- don't exert the energy. Allow Karma to take care of everything on its own.
I know my answer is quite lengthy but I think it's important for you in order to really get over him and move on with your life once and for all.
Take care
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Wow you already got some great advice from the first person, but theres a bit I could add. It sounds to me, like she said that youre so used to always talking and hanging out with him and having him to talk to, that you almost don't know what to do with yourself, which is perfectly understandable. Pick a friend (or find a new one) to start talking to more. That way you have someone you can even talk about your frustraitions of getting over him with, and you develope a new person to talk to more. If you feel like you don't have a friend you could talk to easily now, then go out and find one! Just make sure you choose a kind, honest and caring person to talk to, because you know you don't want to have that one (althouh it can be more) person you can talk to turn around and blab everything you said around the block. Also, pick a good listener, because they make the best people to talk to when you seriously need them.
Also, don't be in a rush to find a new boyfriend. Being single is fine, and a good refreshment before you jump into a new relationship, because if you don't, you may find yourself just looking for this new guy to replace your old guy.
If you can't find any one good to talk to, I'm all ears if you want to vent or anything sometime. You can IM me at MarikoSan2, or email at [email address blocked].
Good luck, and I hope this helped.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (5 February 2007):
 It is never easy getting over a past relationship and two years is quite some time of being with someone, it isn't a few weeks or months it's much more than that.
You have got so used to one another and you can't change that overnight.
The fact that your ex bf is already seeing someone new means that he has moved on and so although it is hard try not to be the ex gf who is then classed as the obsessed ex constantly trying to get in touch with him.
You need to think about what you want out of your life and although you think it is him you need to start getting busy and active and a little bit angry that your relationship has ended and he has moved onto someone new so quickly.
Ask yourself these questions:
Did he know this new girl while you were together?
Had he known for some time that he wanted to end your relationship but was not a strong enough man/guy to end it?
Seems to me that you still don't understand why you split as such.
I think you must have friends and family you can talk to but perhaps you are out of the habit of talking to them as your ex was your confidant.
Don't hide yourself away get busy and start to think about how a true bf should treat you and you will start to realise that you have missing out on a lot of things.
Maybe see about planning a holiday or small trip with friends or family to take your mind off of it.
Don't put yourself in places where you know you are going to bump into him and this new gf. It will only be painful for you.
If it does happen then surround yourself with friends or work colleagues and don't stop living as we only get one chance at it and although it is hard to admit that your relationship has ended console yourself with the fact that he is the loser and not you. He may have someone new but that is purely a very quick replacement and may fizzle out quite quickly.
Don't sit around to see though and remind yourself that you are young, attractive and full of life so get to the gym, club or local bar with friends and enjoy life OK.
3 weeks is still a raw time for you but it will get better, honest trust me.
I fell for someone that was raw from a previous relationship and it didn't work out and although it was hard I knew that I am better than the person I became when I was obsessed and I know that someone much better is waiting out there for me. Could be at the freezer compartments in Tesco's or somewhere very unexpectedly.
You can find friends or someone special online but whatever you do be careful and have your guard up as you are vunerable right now.
Don't rush into anything new as it isn't a competition with your ex you are better than that as you want quality not quantity eh!!!
Take care and best of luck.
Here for you anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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