A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If some one was raped and they never has had sex before would they still be a virgin. When you ask poeple that know what has happened then if you try to talk to them they just say what you want to hear so it dosen't upset you and not wat they think i would like to know what you think. thanx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (4 February 2007):
 First of all if you have been raped love then I am so sorry this has happened. There is help out there for you and you don't have to go through this alone. (I can give you some links for help if you want to know more, just email me okay?) Now I am going to give you a straight answer to your question.
Okay let's define the meaning of the word "rape". Rape doesn't necessarily have to mean having sexual intercourse with a person against their will. State laws generally define rape as vaginal, anal, or oral penetration involving force or threat of force. Rape can also mean "the act of seizing or carrying off: abduction, violation". It all depends on what you mean by RAPE. (See more about this from the link below.)
http://www.rapecrisisonline.com/articles.htm
On saying that, I take it from your letter you DO mean sexual intercourse has taken place. If this is the case your virginity, although now lost was taken FROM you, not given, so technically speaking you have lost it.
If anyone were to ask you in the future "Have you lost your virginity?" (which I might add is a very personal question) then you answer "Yes I have... it was taken from me against my will!"
Eve
A
male
reader, Steve169 +, writes (4 February 2007):
 Being with someone who has also been through that, i already have a clearly formed view on your question. Although you have technically lost it, you shouldn't care too much about the technical view. Sex is a spiritual and personal experience where you allow someone to bond with you: your true virginity can only be given, never taken. So I hope you can recognise that this is personal to you and that you havn't truely lost it.
I hope that this can help a little, be careful; it doesnt matter what other people think, it's all down to you in the end
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): no way. i agree with the girl up there. people break them riding bikes, until you share it with someone you love. your a virgin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): Hi, I am so sorry this happened to you. When someone asks you if you are a virgin your answer should be yes, you have never had sex, you were raped, which is about power over you, abuse and control, it is not about sex.
It does not matter that your hymen is broken, so was mine from riding horses as a teen, but that did not make me a non-virgin until I had sex for the first time with someone who I was in love with.
I hope that you get some counseling so that you can talk over these issues and get your feelings out...if you don't it can lead to a lot of emotional problems for you that can last years and affect your relationships...it was a very traumatic and painful thing for you to have endured.
My blessings are with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): Hi
This is quite a complicated question to answer.
However, seeing as you mentioned about people telling you what you want to hear, I'll try give you an honest answer, OK?
First of all, "virgin" means different things on different levels.
If you take the word literally, then to loose your virginity is when a penis penetrates a women's vagina so if this happens you are technically no longer a virgin.
However loosing your virginity can mean much more than a physical act - it is a way of "giving yourself" to someone - someone that you choose (and perhaps love)
If you have not yet chosen to give yourself to someone, then you have not yet had your first time, so you are still a virgin.
I personally would say virginity is more than just a physical act, it's to do with who you choose to give yourself to. I think most people would also agree with me. I think though all people who have been raped feel as if though the rapist took away something from that person, so if you are a virgin that feeling is intensified.
With regards to people telling you what they think you want to hear, this is because people don't want to upset you. It's the same as if something happened to someone you cared about, you would try and not upset them wouldn't you? They are just doing what they think is best. With rape, it is also incredibly difficult for loved ones to deal with because they too have their own painful emotions to confront and deal with.
I hope this person who is raped is able to talk to a counselor or a trained professional who can help her deal with whatever thoughts she is having in her head? Sometimes family and friends do not know what is best and they can actually make things worse, but a trained person who has been there before can make you feel better knowing that you arn't alone and that other people have been through the same situation.
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A
female
reader, lola manola +, writes (4 February 2007):
 I agree completely a friend of mine was raped when she was 13, but she says the first time she truely had sex was with her boyfriend when she was 16. the time before was she rape, not sex.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (4 February 2007):
 If someone has been raped, they are obviously not physically still a virgin, as they have had sexual intercourse, despite the horrible circumstances. However, I like to think of virginity as more of an emotional state, not a physical state. You have never given your consent to have sex and so, when you meet the right person, I would consider that to be your first time. It doesn't matter whether your body is not the same: this was out of your control and you shouldn't be punished for this.
I really feel for you and maybe you would benefit from talking to a professional about what happened? If not, then keep your head up and wait for the right person: make sure the first time is amazing, as you know how easily it can be wasted.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): if someone is raped then physically they are not a virgin. but emotionally and mentally then i would say yes they are. you are a virgin until you have sex. rape and sex are different things. so if a virgin was raped, although technically and physically she would no longer be a virgin, if it was me i would still consider myself to be one.
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A
female
reader, Miss Optimistic +, writes (4 February 2007):
I just answered you but wanted to add that if it was you, the counselling will help with these thoughts in your mind. Nothing that happened is your fault.
Look after yourself
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): If you have been raped, then I hope you have gone to the police and also had the relevent tests taken. You need to be extremely careful, and also maybe you should try counselling.
Technically the person isn't a virgin, but rape is an act of violence and sex should be a spiritual thing, virginity can be a state of mind. The innocence was taken from the victim, and it's thiers to reclaim.
Take care xx
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