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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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During sex he got too rough and wouldn't stop! I love him but this has me hurt and confused..what should I do?
Q. well last night i went to the pub, with my boyfriend and our 2 mates. we were all having a good laugh and drinking. and me and paul* were pretty horny, so when we got home we had sex. bout an hour after we did it again. and for some reason it kinda ...
A. 1 February 2007: I agree with what you're saying here martini but these fetishes (if played out) are usually consential, THAT'S the difference here, and there are "safe words" to use if things get out of hand. She didn't get the chance to decide! Even after her ... (read in full...)
I'm so happy to be with him and I want the world to know it! But Why am I suddenly feeling this way?
Q. Hi I'm 16 and I have been wiv my boyfriend for a month now and before, I didn't really want everyone to know we were going out with eachother. I don't know why, i just didn't. But now just recently I have been beginning to want everyone to know that...
A. 31 January 2007: Your relationship seems to be going from strength to strength. You were maybe a bit worried at first that things weren't going to work out between you, hence the reticence you felt but now that you've been seeing one another for a month you realise ... (read in full...)
Is he truly genuine or am I just kidding myself?
Q. I've been in this kind of relationship for nearly a year now. Me and this guy started out as just friends who slept with eachother but in the last month- its got more different on his behalf because I tried to end it but, he managed to get back in. ...
A. 31 January 2007: It sounds to me as if he wants to get things back the way they used to be with you both. You have both slept together and I'd say he has feelings for you. I think he'd look out for you because he's fond of you, maybe even more than he'd like to be ... (read in full...)
I think he's gotten too close to his female friend. But am I looking too much into this?
Q. me and my b/f have been together for almost 4 years everything was perfect until about 6 months ago. i suffer from depression and he was unsure how to handle the situation and he turned to a close friend who happens to be of the opposite sex. now ...
A. 31 January 2007: You are better choosing to remain friends with this guy. He's tried to break off with you on a couple of occasions then came back out of guilt then on the other hand tells you it's not going to work because you both always argue. My advice to you ... (read in full...)
If neither of us feel ready for sex, does that mean we don't love eachother?
Q. Hello all! I have bit of a problem, and was wondering if anyone had any advice. You see, I'm going out with someone, my first boyfriend, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling anything. We've been going out for about 6 months but known ...
A. 30 January 2007: I don't think you're in love with him, I think you have a great friendship with him and are very fond of him but it's definitely not love. Let me define love for you...
If you truly love someone then you respect them for who they are, warts an... (read in full...)
I like this guy and he seems to be showing an interest, but I'm not sure if he's gay or not. How do I get closer to him?
Q. I'm a guy. There is this guy in my photography class. He has shown a lot of signs to being gay, like the way he talks, his movements etc. Even a few of my friends have said they thought he was gay. I've caught him looking at me a few times and ...
A. 30 January 2007: Get on to the subject of girls one day (shouldn't be too hard lol) and ask him in conversation what "type" of girls he likes - blondes, brunettes, tall, short etc and see what his answer is. If you chat to him more you could ask him out for a beer, ... (read in full...)
Someone keeps hacking into her internet account and she thinks it's me! But I'd NEVER do that! How do I convince her without looking guilty?
Q. i need some advice. someone keeps trying to hack into my friend's internet accounts and i think she thinks it's me. It's the way she says things like "well the person hacking in must be a close friend because they have my password, know when I'm ...
A. 30 January 2007: Tell her again that it certainly wasn't you, then suggest to her that she changes her password so even YOU don't know it! Are you the only one she's told her password to? Is she sure about that?
Changing her password is the simple solution... (read in full...)
I was a virgin when he married me but when he gets angry he calls me a 'SLUT!' Why?!
Q. I have a lovely husband of 13 years. I was a virgin when I married him. When he gets angry he often calls me a slut. Can you tell me why he does this? Is he just using the worst word to annoy me as this term is the complete opposite of what I am? Or ...
A. 30 January 2007: I suggest you simply ask him the next time you are both in a good mood. Ask him in bed when you are cuddled up together. Maybe he would like you to act out being a slut, maybe it's a power exchange or maybe it's just a word he hates and it comes ... (read in full...)
I'm having 'pre-threesome-nerves!' I'm scared he might enjoy it too much!
Q. hi there this may sound extreme to some of you but i want some practical advise. me and my partner are planning a threesome with another male and i want my partner who is also male to be fully envolved which he wants to be and this is his first time ...
A. 30 January 2007: My advice to you is this... (and I AM talking from experience here)"let the fantasy REMAIN a fantasy as the reality is never the same."
A long time ago lol I was with a man (we'd been together 2 years) and we decided to have a 3-some. We both wan... (read in full...)
Infatuated with one of my teachers... when I leave school, can I date him?
Q. I know there are already similar questions asked but I would like a personal response to my situation. I am 17 and in my final year of school and really like one of my teachers. I think he is in his mid thirties and I know he is not married and ...
A. 30 January 2007: At 17 a woman's hormones are all over the place. This man appeals to you because he is good looking, single, no baggage and of course available. If he was married with 4 kids... exactly the same man... would you feel the same?
You said rumours ... (read in full...)
We broke up but I still love him.. he seems to treat me so bad though!
Q. I went out with this guy for 10months and was totally in love with him and still am.We met at university but he lives abroad.While we went out he visited me all the time. The thing is a few months ago we had an argument and he split up with me, ...
A. 30 January 2007: He IS using you love! A man will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what they want. He is getting phone sex from you and you are falling staight into the trap saying these things to him for him to "get off" on. He IS playing with your ... (read in full...)
Admitted to the sex... but there's more.. I'm so guilty - I can't hurt him more!
Q. i am 24 and been with my boyfriend for 7 years , we have a child together, 4 years ago i had an affair and i recently decided to tell him, we are working through it even though i hurt him alot, i have also done other things with 2 people not full ...
A. 30 January 2007: Some things are better just forgotten about, left in the past where they belong. Why are you raking all this up now? To rid yourself of guilt and make YOU feel better thereby hurting the man you love in the process?
Bury it love, we all do thing... (read in full...)
The look the lips the tits the taste... the hair the eye the skin the waist?
Q. What do you think are the ideal measurements for a woman? Such as height, bust, waist hips etc. ...
A. 30 January 2007: There IS no ideal measurement for a woman. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" Some guys like women with big boobs, others like them smaller. Some guys like big women, others like them waife like or small and petite. It just all depends on ... (read in full...)
He has a lot of girls chasing him. How do I get over this jealousy?
Q. hey iv been close with this lad for 2 years now! i like him more and more all the time, iv never felt like this about someone! (i dont know if im in love though) anyways he feels the same, all his m8s say imthe only girl he doesnt play haha! but i ...
A. 30 January 2007: He's chosen YOU out of everyone else that he wants to be with hasn't he? Even his mates are telling you he's "got it bad" so I wouldn't worry about it. You need to trust him here. Jealousy is a very negative emotion and no good can come of it.
... (read in full...)
I like older guys! Do I have a 'daddy complex?"
Q. Hi, this is probably going to sound ridiculous but here goes. I’m currently dating a guy who is 8 years older than me (I’m 19). I know it’s a huge difference but that’s not necessarily what my question is about because our relationship is working ...
A. 30 January 2007: Don't listen to your friends. You say you find him attractive, funny and incredibly sweet and he's only 8 years older than you so he is too young to be your father. You're with him because you like more mature men, simple as that. You're not ... (read in full...)
My first boyfriend from highschool just got back in touch... anyone else been in this situation?
Q. I am 39 years old, never been married and just recently was contacted by my first boyfriend from highschool. We live very far apart and have been trying to get together for over a year. I date but can't seem to get him off my mind. We talk quit ...
A. 30 January 2007: If you DON'T meet with him love you'll always wonder won't you so I say go for it! Life is too short and you'll only beat yourself up about this in years to come. He's right though, you do both seem to get along talking online or on the phone or ... (read in full...)
I am a 22 year old male in love with my best friend of 12 years who is also a 22 year old male!
Q. I am a 22 year old male in love with my best friend of 12 years who is also a 22 year old male. I have never had any feelings like this for another guy, but I think now I might be bi. He claims to be straight, and this is why I am writing to you. We ...
A. 30 January 2007: I think your friend is confused about his sexuality. You do things to him and he likes it so he doesn't pull away but kissing is maybe just too personal for him just now. If he was totally straight he would never allow you to touch him the way you ... (read in full...)
I miss him but my family and friends say not to go back. Should I listen to them?
Q. Hi, I need help with my love life. Ive been with my boyfriend for over 4 years but it was very on and off relationship with us always arguing. We moved in together last year and not been getting along so i decided to finish it last week. I tho...
A. 30 January 2007: 4 years is a long time to be with someone. He's probably been your only serious boyfriend, he's been a big part of your life and now that you've broken up with him you are frightened of the future... the unknown and I can totally understand that. ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to have sex b/c of pregnancy and b/c my parents might find out!
Q. I am with a great guy but no worry we dont plan on sex right now. Not until I'm 16 and then for the right guy but im just scared i will never lose it. I am scared about pregnecy and the first time and everything. Really it is because if i want to do ...
A. 30 January 2007: Too many young girls give in to men too quickly. My advice to you is to respect yourself and your body. Don't just "give" yourself to the first man you get the hots for. You seem to be sensible though and have a good head on your shoulders love. ... (read in full...)
During sex he got too rough and wouldn't stop! I love him but this has me hurt and confused..what should I do?
Q. well last night i went to the pub, with my boyfriend and our 2 mates. we were all having a good laugh and drinking. and me and paul* were pretty horny, so when we got home we had sex. bout an hour after we did it again. and for some reason it kinda ...
A. 30 January 2007: He was obviously enjoying it and was totally aroused, when you told him to stop he refused, for his own selfish gratification! There was NO WAY he was stopping until he'd had his way with you. You say he's never been as bad as this before with you ... (read in full...)
My friend asked the guy I like out and my ex's friend asked me out! I don't know what to do.
Q. the guy i love said he kind of liked me and then said if he got to know me a little better he could start to love me and i was really happy. then he asked me how i want him to get to know me right after he said that. i thought in my head it sounds ...
A. 30 January 2007: The boy you love was quick to go out with your friend when she asked him so I certainly wouldn't wait for him. There's no reason why you can't go out with Nick and be friends with him and see what develops. If the guy you loved really liked you ... (read in full...)
My bf lied to me! Should I break up with him or what?
Q. Okay. So Thursday will be my bf and I's 10 month anniversary. when I met him back in March I thought he was the perfect guy for me and I had never felt this way about anyone. I felt this way until a little over 2 weeks ago I caught him lying to me. ...
A. 30 January 2007: Even if he was hanging out with one of his friends, why would he need to lie to you about that? There's nothing wrong with hanging around with his friends unless of course, this friend was female!!!! (Enough said!) If this IS the case then it's ... (read in full...)
He told me he cheated on me rather than have me think he beat up a woman! What should I think here?
Q. My boyfriend told me he had cheated on me. But now ive found out that, apparently he did push her off. Its just that he pushed her off so hard she fell awkwardly on her back and looked like she was really hurt. He said he told her to get off, and ...
A. 30 January 2007: It sounds to me as if your boyfriend seems to have a bit of a temper on him, beating up this guy and throwing this other girl off of him. Have you ever noticed him quick to anger?
You need to decide for yourself here whether you trust and beli... (read in full...)
I'm 25, male and I've fallen for a 15 year old female online! Do I go for it?
Q. Hey there i'm not regular to this site but hope someone might like to give me advice. . . . . . I'm a 25 year old man, i do not have a job as I quit a few months back and I'm a writer. . . I drink most nights a week and live with my parents....
A. 30 January 2007: You need to be very careful here, this girl IS still only 15 years old and is still considered a minor. Continue to chat with her by all means, but I wouldn't see her on her own until she's at least 16, even then you'll need to take things slowly ... (read in full...)
Gf acts so childish and it annoys me! What should I do?
Q. In the past few months, my girlfriend has just got younger and more childish. To begin with she was a lot more mature almost as if too get me where she wanted me The main problems is she moans when people say she is 16 years old, as she thnks she...
A. 30 January 2007: Your girlfriend is trying to grow up too quickly which is sad. She should be enjoying herself doing things with you and other friends, going to the ice rink, the bowling alley, the movies, going for pizza, and just having a good time. She seemed ... (read in full...)
She just wants to be friends...so how do I find ways to spend time with her,after school. Any ideas?
Q. i really like this girl in my school. i've known her for years. she is a close mate now since 6 months ago. once she found out i had a crush on her so she was really weird and didn't talk much. but as soon as she found out i fancy this girl and ...
A. 30 January 2007: She probably does like you as a friend and when she heard you had a crush on you it frightened her off. Now she knows you may like someone else she is fine again to be friends with you. Why don't you ask her to go bowling with you one night or ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend can be very overbearing... anyone have tips how to deal with this?
Q. Hello. I am very confused as what to do with the relationship that I am in. I love my Girlfriend very much, and she can be a complete doll. We are both very self-aware, intelligent people. We both do many things right, we cook for each other, do ...
A. 30 January 2007: You hit the nail in the head at the beginning of your letter, she is acting like this because of her past. She seems to have some deep psychological problems that she is refusing to address. She seems very angry all the time, you can't do right ... (read in full...)
Will he go off me if I don't make him come?
Q. right im nearly 18 btw!..i have given head twice b4 in my life! but now i got a bf obviously im willing to give it to him however cause i like him so much i get shy and im scared to give him head incase im crap! first time i gave it he did cum but ...
A. 30 January 2007: Forget about the past. You don't say how long you and your boyfriend have been together but I would concentrate more on building on this relationship and getting to know one another better before diving in at the deep end. Get to know his likes, ... (read in full...)
Is he trying to tell me something?
Q. My boyfriend in the last 3 months has stopped e-mailing me regularly, using the excuse that he's in a remote area with no signal or his e-mail expired---10 days to have it validated,and he doesn't seem to want to answer much of what I ask, what ...
A. 30 January 2007: I suggest if you can't get in touch with him by email or telephone then you write him a letter and ask him exactly that! WHAT IS GOING ON? Three months is not a long time to be together. Is this a long distance relationship? Have you actually met ... (read in full...)
I don't think the bf wants back with me, because of what his freinds think. What should I do?
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of one year. well.. he broke up with me. We have problems with jealousy and fighting. I think that we can get past the immature fighting and jealousy. We have had some pretty heated fights... but i think this ...
A. 30 January 2007: My honest opinion here is that you are still both too immature to have a "serious" relationship. My advice to you is to remain friends with him and let the friendship deepen before taking it to the next level.
Eve... (read in full...)
I like her but she's with someone else. Should I stay friends with her or move on?
Q. Is it better to be friends with someone who you care about and have feelings for and want to be your girlfriend with her knowing your feelings about her and she feels the same but is involved with someone else, or is it better to just tell her i ...
A. 30 January 2007: Some people would rather be "friends" with someone they love than face losing them altogether. The thing is, being friends with her, she'll talk about her boyfriend to you, unaware of how much she's hurting you and you need to decide if you can ... (read in full...)
Cross gender friendships...it's okay for her but not me?? Is that fair?
Q. I have recently found out that my girlfriend has said, 'she would not have gone out with me' if 'i'd have had girls as friends or a girlfriend before i met her'. She has said she wouldn't have liked it if i'd have had girl friends or a girlfriend, ...
A. 30 January 2007: You both need to sit down and talk. It sounds to me she's very possessive of you. SHE can talk to other guys but you're not allowed to. Come on... what's good for the goose so to speak. She needs to trust you more and grow up a bit. If she ... (read in full...)
He has a gf but I like him a lot. What can I do to stop thinking about him?
Q. i dont no where to start , well this boy has fancied me for ages but i didnt really like him in that way until this party we went to but he was with his girlfriend but he was dancing with me and kisses me we were drunk but we both didnt regret it , ...
A. 30 January 2007: He still wants to be with you but he's not sure??? This guy doesn't know WHAT he wants! If he can kiss you when at a party when his girlfriend is there, who's to say he won't do this with you, if you got with him, with another girl. Then he says ... (read in full...)
He told all our friends in front of me, that sex with me was not 'hot' at all. I'm so turned off him,as a result..what can I do?
Q. I have been with my partner for over two years. We don't live together. We were at a friend's house the other day and there was a bit of an argument between myself and my other half. He wasn't being particularly nice and even told me to p*** off...
A. 30 January 2007: Pick your time and talk about it and let him know he hurt you deeply saying something as insensitive as he did (but say it, get it over with and be done with it, don't labour the point.) Go up to bed and sit in bed together and bring up the ... (read in full...)
My parents emotionally blackmail me when I bring up moving out. Now people are calling me a "mommy's boy!"
Q. Hello, need some wide spread opinions here. I'm male, and 23yrs, living with my folks, I have 3 older sisters who have married and moved out. Our folks refuse the concept of moving out of the house, saying why move out and pay rent when you ca...
A. 30 January 2007: You are your own person. Don't listen to what ANYONE says! You do what you feel is right for YOU! Do you like living at home? Is it more convenient? Do you manage to get some time out to yourself living there? Do you crave some solitude and ... (read in full...)
Mom is depressed over issues with my brother's wife! How can I help Mom cope?
Q. How can I deal with the fact that my mum is depressed about my brother and sister behavior who only phone her to ask her for things or advice and the disappear for days or just worry about their lives, they are very nice and do not notice but she ...
A. 30 January 2007: Why doesn't your mom suggest to her son that she would be available one night to watch his child. That way they can have some time alone together and your mom can have time with her grandchild. Your brother is married now and has his own life, if ... (read in full...)
Is my fiancee cheating on me? What do you all think?
Q. i have been with my fiance for two years now and things are starting to look bad in our relationship. two weeks ago her grandma who lives down the street had some work men in the house refurbishing the place. and she was always there flirting and ...
A. 30 January 2007: TRUST is one of the cornerstones of any relationship. You don't have this trust for her any more and I can't say I blame you. It seems quite obvious to me that she is interested in one of these workmen. Why should you sit there and let her treat ... (read in full...)
What's going on in this guy's head?
Q. Three months ago I moved away from my home town and away from a guy I liked there. We went out before I left but I couldn't find the courage to tell him how I felt only to then walk away, knowing I would be away for such a long time. Over the ...
A. 30 January 2007: The fact of the matter is he HAS gotten over you love. He missed you at the time but he's getting on with his life now. When you said you missed him in your email and he took a month to reply it shows he has other, more important things going on ... (read in full...)
I might be pregnant. My bf has been accused of rape-what if he goes to prison! How would I cope with a baby?
Q. help me please , I'm nearly 18 and think i may be pregnant ,i had unprotected sex with mi boyfriend over Xmas and now I'm l8 on mi period. I'm really scared because i don't want a kid , mi boyfriend is 21 and already has a kid with an ex , he rarely ...
A. 30 January 2007: First of all you need to find out for sure if you ARE in fact pregnant. If you are you need to decide whether or not to have this baby or not. If you feel you want to keep the baby then fine but if you feel you're not ready for motherhood yet and ... (read in full...)
She treated me badly and we split...but I want her back-but know I should forget her! How do I do this?
Q. How can I move on with my life and forget her? She did everything opposite one knows as love, and what you expect from your lover. She treated me bad, swear at me, never showed she cared about me and my life, and never help me when I needed h...
A. 30 January 2007: Hello love,
Thank you for asking your question.
First of all, why do you want to go back with her to get more of the same? You deserve much better than what this woman is dishing out to you. All she is doing is lowering your self confidence ... (read in full...)
My friend's on/off again bf got married and she found out while pregnant w/ his child!
Q. my friend has a child with a man she has been dating on and off for years. they are still in an on and iff relationship and she just found out that the man married another woman he's known (or maybe been in a relationship with) for even longer. my ...
A. 30 January 2007: Your friend needs to kick this guy to the kerb! Okay, they have a baby together and he should still be able to see that child and be a part of its life. However that's it! If she continues to see him and sleep with him then she is her own worst ... (read in full...)
Any insight into my "bus" dream?
Q. just a question about dreams for experts or people who know about it, I often dream I go in abus and get confused and never get to the place I'm supposed to or I'm late for the bus and get it on a strange place and I'm taken to a different stop to ...
A. 30 January 2007: Hi Astrid,
To dream you are riding on a bus indicates that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and are taking no control over where your life is taking you.
To dream that you are waiting for a bus, indicates a temp... (read in full...)
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