A
female
age
41-50,
*nowaengell
writes:I started dating a guy (Dave) 2 years ago. I had three serious relationships prior to Dave, while he didn't really have any. Dave and I were, however, both virgins when we met. He and I had a very off-and-on relationship, but we always enjoyed each other's company. He had a lot of doubts about whether or not I was "the one." Well, we had sex together about a year into our relationship. We have great chemistry. This past July, he pulled another one of his "I'm not sure if you're a good fit or if your personality is just right." I had enough and broke up with him. Against my better judgement, I started dating another guy and ended up having sex with him only 3 weeks into our relationship. Meanwhile, Dave was pursuing me, telling me he wanted us back A few days after I had sex with the other guy, I came to my senses and realized I wanted Dave back. I have very strong feelings for Dave, and we both realize how wrong we both were for our doubts and for hurting each other. I regret sleeping with the other guy, but did not do it to hurt Dave. Here's my problem: Dave feels like "a little kid" and like he's not on the same level with me anymore because I had sex with someone else. I tell him that he and I have great chemistry and that I love him very much, but he can't seem to get past that. I regret ever being with another man. How do I help Dave not feel inadequate or like he's the little inexperienced kid?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 February 2007):
 He'll be feeling both jealous (because you've slept with someone apart from him) and inexperienced (again because you've had more than one partner.) Why did you tell him anyway?
Tell him it's really all in his mind. Tell him the guy meant nothing to you and the sex (if you could call it that ;o)) was just that.... sex, and it meant nothing to you. "In fact, it was over in minutes." Tell him he's the only one that's ever made you feel alive and loved and it's HIM you want to be with. It just didn't feel right with this other guy hence the reason it was over so soon! ;o)
Let him know if you could change the past you would but you can't and if he feels he can't be with you any more then you'll respect that but you love him very much and there's no one else you'd rather be with.
Sometimes a little grovelling and reassurance goes a long way. There's really nothing more you CAN do, it happened, end of story. If he can't accept it then it's his problem and not yours.
I really hope you both manage to work it out love.
Eve
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