A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for over 3 years, but don't know if I love my husband anymore. I keep catching him in lies, and then he promises not to lie to me anymore. This has been a pattern for over 2 years. I have lost all trust in him. The most recent deception is that he spent over £120 on phone sex lines. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, but we have 2 small children and finances are very tight. I don't have any relatives or close friends to turn to as I am originally from another country. I just don't know what my next move should be. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
 I can totally understand how you feel. I too, was in a position like you and had 2 young kids. My mistake was staying with this very passive man who left me to do everything and I was higher paid than him. It sounds identical. I stayed with him for 16 long hard years FOR MY KIDS! When the oldest was ten I couldn't stand it any longer, I was so unhappy, so I made the decision to stand on my own 2 feet and end the marriage.
I couldn't afford to buy another house right away either so I rented, went back out to work (part time so I was there for the kids leaving for school and getting home again.) It was hard at the beginning but my personality came back again and I felt so liberated even although money was tight. 10 years on I only have one regret... I SHOULD HAVE DID IT MUCH SOONER!!!! I have never looked back and am now married to a wonderful man 14 years my senior.
Your husband sounds very much like my ex, more like looking after another child than having an equal to share the responsibilities with. I would advise you to end the marriage now love, you'll be so much happier and won't look back. Your 2 children will benefit too being brought up in a loving stable home. I'm talking from experience here trust me..... Don't stay with him a moment longer! He's useless to you and is holding you back! And they say "you get like those you live with", THAT in itself scared the hell out of me as I WAS losing my confidence and personality.
Just tell yourself your better than that, you DESERVE better than that and so do your children. I promise you, a few years from now you'll look back and thank me! I KNOW... IV'E BEEN THERE! ;o)
Keep in touch and feel free to email me whenever you want to okay?
I wish you all the very best and I know you can do this! Go for it girl! :o)
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEve, thanks for your response. In answer to your questions, we have not been communicating properly for quite a while (almost a year). I have tried to speak to him about it on several occasions and he either says I am overreacting or just tries to say the 'right words'. I am actually tired of talking to him, especially since I always initiate the conversation. I feel that it is always me making the effort.
We own our own home, but I don't think I would be able to afford my own place if we sell. I am in the process of trying to put myself in a better financial position (applying for a higher paying job and sorting out debt). I make more money than him and have always been very independent, and it is usually left to me to sort out money issues. Another reason why I am stressed out, upset and feel I can't continue.
He leaves me to organise everything, including buying this house (we just moved 6 months ago), the childrens care and timetables, running the house, managing our debts and because of this I have little physical or emotional energy left. I have told him exactly how I feel, but I don't think he is taking me seriously. I think he needs to be with someone who thinks more like him and will take care of him properly
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 February 2007):
There is obviously something lacking in your marriage when he feels he has to call phone sex lines. Do you talk regularly? Are you still intimate regularly? Communication is a big part of any relationship and if this is lacking then you need to talk! Ask him why he does this? Tell him you can't afford these bills. Ask him if he loves you and if so what can you both do to rectify this situation?
Tell him you've been thinking seriously about all of this and you find it very hard to trust him now because of the constant lies he's telling you and let him know if it doesn't stop they you are seriously thinking of taking the kids and moving out. Do you own your own home? If so you will be entitled to half of the house, you'll also be entitled to single parent benefit and working tax credit (if you work) and of course he will pay maintenance for each child so you will manage.
Have a serious talk with him first and let him know your feelings on this. If he does truly love you then he'll listen and try to mend his ways. Maybe you need to pay him some more attention in some areas but you won't know exactly where until you have this talk to him and ask him exactly what's making him so unhappy.
I wish you luck love.
Eve
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A
female
reader, dada  +, writes (5 February 2007):
Yes if you ve not tried counselling and wish to carry on this marraige, then give it a try.
However you could try sitting down and having a good chat on finances with him.
Thirdly was the debt accumulated by family use. Are you jus married or married over a long period of time
Correspond direct with me if you wish a more detailed account
THanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaxsteel, thank you for your response. It's a relief to know that you don't think I'm overreacting. My husband just wants me to forget about it and move on. I have thought about counselling, but I am just tired of having to 'fix' his problems. I feel I can do better on my own, but it might take some time to sort myself out. Anyway - thanks again.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (4 February 2007):
 Divorce his ass, that should put some money in your pocket:-) you dont wanna stick with someone you cant trust. Plus its now a habit for him. Guess you could always try get him to go counselling but its up to him if he goes...
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