A
female
age
41-50,
*ebecca-BJ
writes:What can i do now?I am a 26 year old girl, pretty and independent. My college boyfriend left me when I went abroad for my further degree.I had another boyfriend two years after I came back to the country, but i found he married, he cheated on me, said that he has seperated with his wife for years, he stays with his mother. Then I found out that he was lying; they still live together. I dumped him after struggling hard for two months.Then i met my current boyfriend. He is married, to. :( He did not lie to me the first time when we met each other. We fell for each other the first time we met. I told myself I would leave immediately if he is not willing to divorce. His wife and her daughter were living in another country. So we lived together for amost two years till now.One year ago, his wife moved back and knew about his affair. She called me and I said I will leave if he wants me to leave. Then we three sat together, he said he wants to be with me and ask her to divorce. He moved out one month after the talk, then we lived in a hotel for two months and rent an apartment now.It has been a year since his wife knew about us, but she doesn't want to still wait for him. He goes to see her daughter (ten years old) every other two weeks. We fought a few times in the past year, every time I told him I wanted to leave because I cannot live in this situation. But we're back to together very shortly. We cannot leave each other. He said he will die if I leave him, but he does not want to force her. He asked me to give him more time, but i can't wait now. The other thing is that he had another gf before me. Because his wife was abroad. He also lived with that girl for almost two years. They broke up because he found that the girl slept with another guy. I met that girl, and she told me she was painful and she wanted to get out of this kind of situation by having another boyfriend. I said I understand. She has a new boyfriend now and will get married soon.But he cheated on me once during our realtionship. He slept with that girl once. I found because I stayed in his apartment that night by accident. he slept with that girl the other day. So that girl went to the apartment to find him since he had not answered her call for a day. Then we met, she asked me how long we have been together, I said a year. Then realsied that he cheated on her, then she left. He came to my apartment after he knew we met and beg me to stay. I forgave him( i don't know why).Now we are still waiting, he spend all his time with me. He tried everything to persuade his wife to divorce but she said no. now they went to counselling.I have been waiting for amost a year since she knew about us, I feel really bad and want to change, but I don't know what to do.
View related questions:
affair, broke up, cheated on me, divorce, married man, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, rebecca-BJ +, writes (23 September 2007):
rebecca-BJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Rcn. I put myself into such a miserable situation.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Say goodbye to the married man. I do feel for your situation, and those who are on her reading I think do as well. But asking a question on here and relying on answers is a great way for advise. The reason you may not approve of some of the answers is because you're living the situation and know what you want your outcome to be. But we are not in your situation, and can see through the playing and the bull that is really going on.
Here is the deal. If he wanted you, he would leave his wife. He's finding it convenient to have both. The thought of your outcome happening is low. And if it did, how long after you were married before he found another one to keep him satisfied on the side as well.
You do have the right to be happy, but he did say I DO to someone else before you'd met him, so I think the saying "first come, first serve" can be used here. You want the life his wife has with him, but that's her place now, and as long as he's not leaving it continues to be her place and you don't have a right to that.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (21 September 2007):
I can't beieve you blaming much of the problems on yourself. Those arguments are flawed. They are only excuses to continue your heartbreak.
...............................
A
female
reader, rebecca-BJ +, writes (21 September 2007):
rebecca-BJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason i am still with him because i believe he really loves me. the reason i begged for help here becasue i am afraid the feels is fadding away and his wife said she would never give up on him. the reason i feel painful becasue i have no trust on him bottom down and i doubt if we could have ahappy life in the future in the future because of the kid, and my parents.
i can not leave him now, becasue i deserve the situation. i should have left once i knew his marriage, i should have left once i found he cheated on me. but now how can i leave when he finnaly made up his mind to devorce? he tried to give up everything and come to me. but i really can take this situation anymore, everyday, one voice in my head tell me to leave and the other said you should stay. I am lost!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I cannot believe you want an answer to this one???!!! Get rid of him now, he will never be any good. Why cannot you just move on and meet someone who is free and single and available solely to you. What if this guy is carrying a load of infection, say Aids?! Just run like hell and start again. He will never be 100% yours and does he really want to be? I dont think so.
Take care
xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (19 September 2007):
You need to start looking for a better (unmarried) boyfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Why on earth do you want someone else's cast-offs?
Sever all contact and find yourself a guy who is free to devote himself solely to you. He's out there somewhere.
A simple solution to a complicated problem as far as I can see!
Phil
...............................
|
