A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:recently my boyfriend and i have been having big problems. He started a new job about 9 months ago which takes more of his time and energy, in turn, the past 7 months he has done nothing but work, eat and sleep. I have an office job which requires that i sit around a whole lot, and I enjoy going out, which causes problems, because he doesn't like me going out without him, but he doesn't want to go. I enjoy being around water during the summer, and he also did when we first started dating. I begged him the whole summer to go with me to the beach, finally a week before labor day, my mom and i took off to the beach for three days, he didn't want me to go and got a little ticked off when i went anyway. We had a big arguement 5 weeks ago about the same issues, he doesn't like having a girlfriend gone all the time, and i don't like having a boyfriend who wont enjoy life. We just got off vacation with my family, we went camping in the mountains, i actually got him out of the house. While we were there of course my family and him didn't get along too good. He doesn't care for any of my family, he threw a big fit and blew up at everyone including me. After sleeping in his truck the previous night, he woke up and announced that he was leaving, i practically had to beg him to take me home. When we got home i left to go to a friends house and he laid on the sofa and took a nap. I didn't come home til the next morning which ticked him off also, which i understand why, but i was mad. All of this happened after he forgot my birthday for the second year in a row, and it took him 6 days to actually do something for me for my birthday, which really hurt my feelings. Last night he asked me if i was coming home, he had bought me two dozen roses to make up. he got mad when i told him that i didn't know what i wanted to do at that time, so he met with me and we had words and he told me to come get my stuff (we are living together). when i got there i seen the roses, and he kept telling me that im not giving him a fair chance and that he is trying, but i feel like he could try a lot harder. My arguement back is for the past six months he hasn't bothered to show he cares, and now all of a sudden he bought me some roses and i am supposed to forget any of this ever happened?? He tells me that if i was unhappy i should have said something, which i did, and i expected him to put forth an effort after that and he really didn't, he says that i wouldn't tell him what would make me happy, but after being together for two years and living together for a year, shouldn't he be able to come up with one thing that would make me happier, i don't want to have to spell it out to him all the time, i want him to be able to figure it out sometimes too.There are other issues also, he has said that if we had kids together my mother would not be allowed to watch them away from the home. I am at my wits end, i am unhappy in the relationship, but at the same time i feel that maybe i am not giving him a fair chance, i am unsure. If i stay it makes him happy, and if i leave it makes me happy. Am i giving him a fair chance, or is it wrong of me to end it? i don't know what to do, i am at a loss. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (21 September 2007):
Go ahead and make the children. Try to develope a list of things he has enough energy to do. Gradually expand the list when he shows signs of extra energy.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 September 2007):
 You are both on an ego trip. First no, you can't forget the 6 months, the behavior you displayed is unacceptable as well. Giving him a fair chance is an understatement in this situation, You are both combative, you know how to tick him off and he knows how to do the same to you, which makes you constantly in a battle. You're both struggling for power, when neither one of you actually has power over the other person. We can't make people behave a certain way, and we shouldn't try to. You are both individuals. As individuals you have the right to disagree, and not see everything eye to eye. But your differences doesn't necessarily mean your right or he's right. Disagreements come from a difference in perception, who we as individuals relate to what's around us and what happens.
You both need to review your priorities in this relationship, if you stay together, KISS, MAKE UP, and spend your days enjoying each other instead of fighting over your differences.
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