A
female
age
41-50,
*athy75
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years and we recently had a baby during my pregnancy he started getting a little aggressive just doing little things like pulling my hair and pinching me, since the birth of our son its got worse in the last 4 weeks he hit me with a belt leaving me needing stitches in my head and 2 weeks after he kicked me so hard in the private area which left me bleeding and bruised, he says its my fault for arguing back at him, he also says the nastiest things to me everything from me being fat and ugly to him having an affair and then he takes it all back but again its my fault, ive tried to end the relationship but he makes all kinds of threats and then he turns into this loving person again and i find it so hard... please help me..
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female
reader, kdc  +, writes (5 June 2008):
leave I its not easy but you are not a punching bag and that what you will become please leave , life to short and you should be treated with respect and kindness we all should go before it gets worst ,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I agree, it's great to hear you are doing well :)
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 It's nice to hear how everything is going for you. I really appreciate the update. It's nice to hear when people get out of bad situations and improve their situations. Take care, and best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, cathy75 +, writes (27 May 2008):
cathy75 is verified as being by the original poster of the question hi all i am sorry its been a while since i updated!! i just wanted to let you all know that life couldnt be any better im am so glad i stood my ground and took all your advice!! i am happy and focused i have friends and family around me, i still hear from the ex every now and then when he is bored and has nobody else to intimidate but im getting over my fear of him, he doesnt scare me anymore, i thought i couldnt live with out him and that i needed him and that i was causing it all! he made me feel worthless, fat and ugly and a disgrace, he made me believe that i was privaliged to have him,,he even used to refer to himself as a sexgod!! and that every woman wanted him! i look at pictures now and i laugh that i actually believed him!! he was nothing but an abusive moron that loved him self more than anything in the world!! i now know if he doesnt end up in prison for an unthinkable crime that he will end up a sad lonely old man with nobody!! i came out of this the winner and i am worth more than he ever will be!! again thank you all so much for your words of advise at my time of need ill always apreciate it xxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, sweetlilpeachx69 +, writes (2 October 2007):
glad to see you got away safely
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 October 2007):
That is such a wonderful update. Please do keep us updated. This strength you have displayed, you should always be proud of yourself for taking that first step. It's people like you who become the "if she can do it, maybe I can take a step to" inspiration for others. I'm very proud of you. You take care, I can't wait to hear the next update.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): Nice one Cathy, it is excellent to hear you took action and changed your life.
You will be an inspiration to other people who read this and are in the situation you were in. Well done!
Peter
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (30 September 2007):
 THANK YOU Cathy - that's all GREAT news:)))Whenever you feel the need to chat with someone or anything know that we'll all be here for you (I'm sure that others share my opinion on that).xxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, cathy75 +, writes (30 September 2007):
cathy75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello all and a big thank you to everybody that has helped me get where i am now!! i am still at my dads he has been a star!!! i myself am so so so happy now the biggest weight ever has bee lifted off my shoulders, slowly my confidence is coming back and im getting stronger everyday, i went to the police he has been issued with a restraining order,, ive had the pleads and the begging on the phone but when i turned them down he got aggresive which proved to me he would never have changed! ive replaced my mobile number now so nearly all ties have been cut!!! he has tried to get access to his son but i have requested supervised access which aparently he isnt to happy about but hey thats a bit of tough luck he is having isnt it, thank you all again so much i couldnt have done it with out you all, ill keep you all posted of any changes that happen xxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, timetobefree +, writes (29 September 2007):
Get help now! Leave now! Domestic violence of this magnitude only seems to escalate. There are many shelters for victims of domestic abuse and MOST take women with babies. IF you can't do it for yourself....DO it for your son.
Research shows that children that grown up in homes where physical abuse is the "norm" grow up to either be bettered, or to become batters themselves. Stop the cycle before it starts.
Domestic violence is always done by sick, cowardly people in a vein attempt to control those around them. This is NOT love. I repeat...This is NOT love!
DO you have any "safe" family members, or friends, church, or any resources to turn to for help and aide?
Please take care of yourself and that baby boy...and get out before you (or your son) become another statistic.
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A
female
reader, sammy29 +, writes (22 September 2007):
 hi, i been there hun, they do go nice so u stay but i got out in the end which you need to do now before he hurt ur son, he will not mean to but it happen hun, please find someone to take you and your son in. plus you need to tell police, they dont allway change once they start doing that hun, hope you take care i thinking of you
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R. +, writes (22 September 2007):
Awww honey...I realize it's just a beginning but 1st step is the hardest one and I'm unbelievable happy now that I read you made it.I also admire you for doing that,it takes lots of bravery and logical reasoning what might have been hard for you to made in difficult circumstances you were going through.I'm indescribably glad you did the one right thing and even tho I don't know you in person I'll still be worried till you follow up on us again and tell us that you're ok and safe at your dad's (he surely is an example of a great parent I wish I had and hope someday my child will).Anyway,biggest support in the world to you - a strong woman who was brave enough to take her life in her own hands!
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (22 September 2007):
Well done Cathy,
In doing this you have shown yourself to be a very brave and very inspirational to other woman that may be suffering out there.
This decision has been a very tough one for you and one that many women do not strike up enough bravery to do. Consequently things often turn out a whole lot worse for them as we all eventually hear in serious criminal court cases.
My hat comes off to your Dad too who has just got in there and helped out with no questions and no aukwardness.
The only thing I would ask though is if you manage to get back to your Dad's without any problems come back here and keep us all posted. I know it is probably wrong of me to assume the feelings of others who have replied here but in this case I believe I many be able to assume something. There are a lot of us on here that are really quite worried about your well-being and would like to know that everything turns out better in the end.
Thanking you for a future reply.
Trev
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Hey Cathy, well done on making the decision to tell someone and to get out of there, I am completely confident that you made the right choice and I know you will too once you have managed to get through it all.
You might have to go through some time of feeling like you want to go back to him, but when you get through that you will have your whole life to look forward to, and it will be a much better life than one you will have with him.
It is normal to miss someone, to want them back and feel confused when you are going through a breakup, even if the relationship turned nasty and dangerous, there are obviously memories and moments when it was good, but don't mistake those feelings for thinking that it is worth another try, because it's not. I would prepare for your ex-boyfriend to try every way he can to get you back, but remain strong, focus on knowing that once he is out of your life and you are over him that you will be happy, free and so glad that you had the strength to move on. Good luck - you will do it! :)
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
I'll be waiting anxiously to hear how everything goes for you. I do wish you the best as well. It's great to hear you took action. Please update as soon as you're safe with you dad. I know I'm not the only one who worries about people in difficult situations on here. Take care.
PS: What a cute baby.
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A
female
reader, cathy75 +, writes (22 September 2007):
cathy75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much again for all your advice, after reading what you all had to say and the situations that some of you have been through my heart really goes out to you all, ive been in tears for most of the day wanting to just get up and walk out but i couldnt do it, but i have now took all your advice on board and ive phoned my dad, i told him everything that has been happening and he is driving over to fetch me first thing in the morning, my bags are packed and im ready and waiting my boyfriend or should i say as of tomorrow ex boyfriend is at his mums tonight so hopefully it will be plain sailing keep your fingers crossed for me, i doubt ill be sleeping tonight tho!! thank you all again so much, xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Oh my God..Why are you staying? Do you realize he could have KILLED you by kicking you in the uterine area shortly after you ave birth? You could hemmorhaged and died. They tell women at the hospital to not drive for at least 2 weeks after giving birth b/c if you get into an accident and you get hurt around your uterine area you can hemmorhage and die. I am convinced that this freakshow is going to kill you and you don't seem concerned enough to leave. We can tell you do it for your child, but had you cared enough about him, you'd have done it already. What if something happens to you? Do you want your husband to have custody of the kid and beat or kill him? What kind of an example are you setting? Pick yourself up and do what is right. Not just for you but for that innocent baby who can't defend himself. This isn't fair for him. He deserves to grow up in a loving environment, not somewhere where he has to see mommy get beat by daddy and be in a constant state of terror. He is just going to get worse too. If I knew you I'd call child protection services on you. Quit being selfish because you're afraid to be alone. He can't do anything to you if you leave and if he tries, call the cops. Get a gun for protection. I got a pit bull and a gun when I was afraid of my ex boyfriend. You can defend yourself against him. You're not helpless like that baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Please get out and get some professional support because do not be kidding yourself as your situation is very serious. There are so many women that are abused and it often starts in pregnancy. My heart goes to you but you must understand it is wrong and for your unborn child please do not bring them into this - show that you can be a great woman of strength and this little child will grow to be so proud of you when they know your story and that you would not tolerate it for both your sakes. Duty is keeping you there - please find courage.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 September 2007):
Let me tell you something. First I am a man, I didn't make a mistake by my gender on my profile. I was in an abusive situation, where I was the one being attacked. My ex was a girl who had a disorder the the movie "fatal attraction" and "hand that rocks the cradle" were filmed to show.
It's been almost a year since she has been gone. I am still working on building my strength. It was fear that kept me with her. I had to find a way to get out where she couldn't blame me. People with that disorder take everything said about their behavior as an attack to them. So she would always see what I was doing on the computer, one evening I did the same. I googled her name, and found out she was trying to find women to date while we were together. I told her goodbye and reminded her when we got together that I didn't give second chances to cheaters.
It was so bad, my parents even tried to bribe with with $800 to leave me alone. I will always remember when my little girl came in my room and nudged me when I was napping. I said "yes honey" she said "oh good you're not dead, I thought she stabbed you." My daughter was 6 years old at the time.
I know how you feel being week, but you have a child there. If you feel as if you're in danger with leaving or your child is, ask for help from family and friends, or even the authorities. With his behavior getting worse that means his need for control is getting stronger. Leave now. As I said I'm still building my strength. I spent almost 6 months in my bed room, I would leave to appointments, or if my kids needed something, but the rest of the time I was in bed. My son, who's older even had grandpa check on my because they thought something was really wrong physically.
If not for you, build enough strength for your son. You don't want him seeing this behavior and thinking it's OK to act that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): You have a responsibility to your son, and having read the below excellent advice from the other aunts how will you ever justify to yourself when your son grows up to abuse women like your boyfriend does to you?
There will never be a good time to end this relationship, but your life existed before you met this man and it certainly will go on to exist when he's out of it again.
There are charities and organisations, and hundreds of thousands of other women out there who have been through what you are going through so there is help all around you. You just need that strength to accept it.
Think of your son, but if you do nothing, do not blame anyone but yourself when he grows up to treat women in exactly the same appauling way because he has only learnt by your inactions that it is acceptable to treat women in such a way.
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A
female
reader, cathy75 +, writes (21 September 2007):
cathy75 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for your advice.... if i had the strength and willpower i would walk out now..i really want to but i dont know what it is that is stopping me, i know staying is being selfish to my son, and the last thing i want is for him to grow up thinking domestic violence is the norm... i dont know what im scared of the most, when it all started i used to think it will change he wont do it again but he does and i know he will carry on until something bad happens, i used to read storys about people that were in this type of relationship and think why the hell do you stick around if somebody hit me i'd walk,, so why cant i do it now!! god i wish i was strong again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): Girl I'm haveing problems with my man cheating and I'm asking for advice to and I'm sure what I'm about to say will be hard for you to do just like its hard for me to do. He won't stop hitting you. And we don't want him doing it around your baby. What's gonna happen when he 3 or 4 and sees mommy crying... You can't do it alone get help fast cause you never know what he might do if you try to leave. I know someone who got killed by her man...he killed hisself to...left 3 kids behind! Don't let that be you.
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A
male
reader, khorkatir  +, writes (21 September 2007):
i agree with no1lovesanemo .no guy should ever hit a girl.what ever u have done, it doesnt matter,he shouldnt HIT u.even if its ur fault, he shouldnt HIT u.if i were u, i would leave him.that's my advice !
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Hi sweetness,
You are in an abusive relationship. Please don't make the mistake so many girls make and believe that it "will get better" or that this is your fault. It won't and it's not. Your boyfriend has SERIOUSLY damaged you and you do NOT in anyway deserve this treatment.
Please think of your child... you don't want to expose your child to this behavior. Even though your child is young, it doesn't mean that he/she isn't taking this in. Remember, if you accept this behavior, you're making it acceptable for your child to accept this behavior. ALWAYS set an example for your child, all though he/she is young.
You deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and love and you are not getting it from your man. Go to your family or best friend and ask for their help. Sometimes it's really hard to escape relationships and you need the help of others.
I encourage you to leave this relationship and sincerely hope you take this violence and behavior seriously. It is NOT okay.
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R. +, writes (21 September 2007):
I 99% agree with Leanne cause actually I believe he'll change...on worse!PLEASE don't do it to yourself or to your son,you DON'T need it-run as fast as you can.There must be a place where you can go,wherever.It would be right thing to do to tell a police and you simply MUST find the strength to go through it all.If anyone gives you different advice fro your own good I can say don't listen to it.Theres just no other solution (good for your child and you) than to leave him and I beg of you to keep that in mind!
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female
reader, no1lovesanemo +, writes (21 September 2007):
 no guy should ever hit a girl thats just wrong u need 2 get out of there and go somewhere safe for u and ur son.....thats best
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male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (21 September 2007):
GET OUT OF THIS SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP NOW.
This man has become a dangerous monster and as you submit more, he gains more and more control.
You and you child need to get to a womans refuge NOW and you need to bring charges of GBH, ABH and Assult.
If left be this relationship will end in tragedy with one of you being killed and one of you going to jail for a very long time.
Get away & get away NOW.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (21 September 2007):
 you have to listen to me,
you need to get out of this relationship however difficult it is emotionally for you, think about your son.
one hit is one too many.
none of this is your fault, absolutely none, you are a victim of domestic violence when you are at your most vulnerable.
he has got you emotionally brainwashed and if you don't escape now, he will keep on doing this.
please will you find the strength to pack your things and go to a relatives, go to a hostel, go anywhere as long as it is as far away from this monster as you can get.
and tell the police, otherwise he will carry on doing it.
its hard but you need to think of yourself. a leopard never changes its spots.
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