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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i accidently insulted the guy i'm crushing on about his looks. i was only joking around and i didnt think it was really hurtful. but apparently he did.he now acts coldly toward me and even told a friend of mine that i joke around a lot but sometimes i'm a real bitch. which obviously was reported back to me.i thought that his actions toward me are just unnecessary and i feel like he's over reacting.of course i can see why he might be a little upset but i'm also upset that he would call me a bitch. that hurt alot.we've only known eachother for about a week and i can't believe we're already on this roller coaster of events. it's ridiculous.is it wrong for me to be upset with him? i want to apologize but i feel like he owes me one as well. is that unfair? how should i tackle this situation?
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female
reader, beth88  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 It's too easy to put your foot in your mouth only a crush... Especially if you're trying so hard to get noticed/ get approval that you don't realize what you're saying. It doesn't take much to come on too strong.
For future reference, never make a joke about someone's physical appearance.. As so politely stated by leanne, it can actually be offensive, even if you don't mean to.
As for making amends, I wouldn't totally give up on that yet. If he had previously been flirty or polite to you, you may be able to play it off.
Throw your balls out there. Tell him that you're sorry you offended him, but that you actually thought blahblah was cute or a turn-on and you couldn't help but acknowledge it.
Best wishes.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 If you only knew each other for a few weeks, you didn't know him enough to joke about his looks. Some types of jokes you have to really know someone, because people do take things in different ways. i have to watch what I say, even on here. There are times something will pop into my head, and I'm almost falling off the bed laughing, but I can't say it. Not everyone would appreciate my sense of humor, I know when mom comes over I really have to tone it down. She has no sense of humor. lol
Send him a dozen roses. You made a mistake, let him know you didn't mean anything by it, and that would be a good time to announce your crush. He'll be shocked by getting them
Take care, and try not to be so funny.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (22 September 2007):
 you have completely knocked his confidence, through a harmless joke or not and maybe you don't realise how insensitive you are when you "fool around" but it clearly upsets others. next time you make a joke, stop and think about the consequences. your friends have been too nice by not telling you and i say fair play to this guy for saying what he thinks.
how would you like to be insulted about the way you looked from someone you liked. i think you may have blownit now because he has seen your true colours.
i'm sorry but narrow minded people who don't think before they apeak, really get under my skin.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 well first of all you need to realise that you have just known this guy for about a week so you dont know him fully and you arent really at the stage to joke about things like that yet. he could be insecure about his looks and really take it to heart when someone of the opposite sex and maybe someone that he likes points out his insecurities.in my opinion he has every right to be upset,it is a bit too soon to joke around like that. apologise to him,and explain that you didnt mean to hurt him at all, and that you dont think that he has anything wrong with his looks. tell him that you actually have a bit of a crush on him and you would really like to still be friends. to be honest i dont really think that you do have a right to be upset,he was just upset and he probably didnt mean to call you a bitch - more that you were acting like a bitch,which he just said in the heat of the moment.i hope this helps,and i dont mean to sound harsh if i did!!email if you want more advice xxx
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (21 September 2007):
 To be honest, it takes a lot to insult a guy so whatever you said must have hurt him a bit! You've obviously hit his pride a little bit, which to guys is a big thing. I think the thing here is to act maturely about this and just say you were sorry for anything that may have hurt his feelings - he'll respect you for that and will appreciate it.. possibly earning you some points, too. ;]He called you a bitch because you'd insulted him so I doubt he will apologise to you first.Hope this has helped. :] x
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