A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has had a vasectomy and i want a baby we've been together 3 years and have talked about marriage, etc, what should i do? he is 41 i am 31
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female
reader, Emmajane  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Vasectomy's at his age can often be reversed
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): I had a vasectomy at the age of 34 at a very reputable clinic. I had two kids by then. I was made to attend a counselling session before the op. to make sure I was certain that I wanted to go ahead with it, that it was my decision and that I was not being coerced into it. I was quite certain that I didn't want any more kids even if the two I'd already got were to die. I have no regrets and I know I made the right decision for me.
If he had the correct counselling prior to the vasectomy he will have been quite certain in his own mind that he would never want to have another child before going ahead with it.
Assuming the above, and that he didn't get it done at some back-street clinic, you can be also quite sure that he doesn't want any more children - yours or anyone else's.
If you desperately want to have children I think you're going to have to find someone else who wants kids as badly as you do.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): You need to decide what is more important. A loving husband and childfree or a resentful (and possibly missing if he decides to abandon you) man and a baby. If a baby is more important to you then it would be best to leave him and look into adoption/foster care.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Have you talked to him about what it is you are wanting?
I would say adoption, or if he's feeling the same way, it's expensive but I believe they can reconnect things.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): ummm, ask him if he would consider having it reversed. if he isnt or cant, then you can always adopt....but remember as you both get older, the chances increase for the pregnancy to have complications. its not too late...good luck
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (22 September 2007):
 he's young to have had one done but maybe that implies he doesn't want any children and if you do, you need to consider whether marriage is the right option.
he could have it reversed but it'd hurt, and if his heart isn't in it the emtional stress will hurt more.
talk to him, explain how you feel and the rest will fall into place.
good luck.
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