A
female
age
36-40,
*shazel85
writes:My boyfriend of 3 months and I had a fight tonight because I have realized that he doesn't trust me to go out with my friends, or to a party and have a drink. I don't have a problem with alcohol and never have,A few months before I met him I went to a party at an old friends house, me and this old friends cousin ended up sleeping together. I had had a couple of drinks but this was not the reason why I slept with him. We had dated in the past and I still liked him at the time I was hoping to hang out with and date him again. I regreted this the moment it happened and nothing more came of it. Somehow this topic came up in front of my current boyfriend and I was forced to tell him about it. The whole experience was a mistake and I know that now. I have also told my BF this, and explained to him that if I could take it back I would.My BF's family is severly disfunctional and his mother, grandmother, and ex-girlfriend were all alcoholics so drinking is a sore subject with him and he believes that he can't trust anyone.This is where my dilema is. I told him that if I was to go out that I would tell him where I was, what time I was expecting to be home and that if I was out at a restaurant or something like that I wouldn't drink, and if I was at a party or with some friends that it would be limited to 1 or 2 cocktails. I would promise him this in an effort to show him that he could trust me not to be an alcoholic. He did agree to this but told me he didn't think he could ever trust me because of the events that happened with my friends cousin(and he is adament on this point). I don't think its fair for him to hold this against me because I know it was a mistake and would never do it again. My question is should I even try to compromise and prove to him that he can trust me or should I let him go? I truly love him. Besides this topic our relationship is really strong and we are quite compatable I haven't felt this close to anyone in a long time and I don't know if I should.
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female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 everyone has a past and not everyone's is a bed of roses, my past is very colourful!
i think his issues with alcohol are understandable to a certain degree but there are so many people who drink and only a limited amount of alcoholics. i think he should see see someone about his trust issues and his reasons for trying to prevent you to drink, he needs to come to terms with the fact that altough alcoholism has been a major facter of his life (unfortunately) he needs to rebuild his trust in people.
as for you "big mistake" i don't see the problem? you were single, on a night out and slept with someone! we all do stupid things but that's no reason to put yourself down or needing to explain yourself to anyone, including your boyfriend!
talk to him, and explain you have no intentions of becoming alcohol dependant as you know when to stop drinking. tell him you'd never cheat on him and he has no reason to susspect you would.
good luck
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 September 2007):
 I hate these questions, I feel for you, but believe it or not I feel for him too. It's not you, it's not what you had done before you got back together. He needs to realize you are not the dysfunction in his family. You didn't cause these issues, but he's using these issues to direct you to what you should do and what you shouldn't.
It's up to you weather you stay or go, but I think he has some huge issues that if not dealt with, will affect the relationship you have with him. He needs help. I'm sorry his family has caused so many issues in this young mans life, but at the same time you didn't do anything and shouldn't be judged for what you didn't cause.
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