A
female
age
41-50,
*adhumathi
writes:Iam having troubled life for the past seven years, my first marriage was a dissaster there was dowry problem, i was physically abused, i kept quiet for a long time for my parents sake.basically i am a shy person and closed person who would like to keep the problems to myself but whenever he abuses me he will call up my parents and relatives and blame, i was insulted to a great extent no one believed me since basically i am a sensitive female.one day out of rage he banged my head agisnt wall so many times so i had to escape my aged parents took me back. then i got divorce. after few years out of their compulsion i got married again this time to a highly educated person.now my problem is different, he clearly susupects he wants me to be like a doll doing whatever he orders according to him, he is the only intelligent person and others are fools. he will interefre in each and everything i kept quiet.when he gets angry he will talk only about my character and say that i am a call girl my heart is totally broken. if I protest then there is physical abuse.when i am protesting or when i get angry due to his continuous provocations he will switch on the mobile dialing my friends numbers and exhibit to everybody. i took him to a psychiatrist and he told me that it is called impulisve disorder it will take time to get cured, i want to cure him but i am getting beaten in front of servants insulting me by calling my friends . i went to the extent of committing suicide now i am in my parents home told them everything they are ready to accept but my relatives including my sister r blaming me, pls advice what should i do?if i go back he will continue his torture.if i stay back society will blame me what shoul i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. I know your laws are really different than ours. Here we'd take the guy and put him behind bars in jail for quite some time.
We don't stand for abuse. All though you may believe different because of your countries differences, but listen to what I believe.
You are a very important person, to yourself, and to those you associate with. They need you to be strong, first by ignoring those who place blame, and to be safe. No body has the right married or not to abuse the person they are with. Marriage is not an ownership, it's a partnership. Your husband may have a problem, but his continues behaviors shows he doesn't acknowledge his problem. Did your psychologist tell you the only way for someone to change is if they recognize they have a problem and want to change?
Let your parent accept you back, when sisters blame, tell them to marry him and see how they like living in fear.
I have this saying my kids and I have used with each other since they were young. "I don't care what anyone else thinks says or does, I only care about what I think say or do." That's say that you as an important person makes your own decisions to become who you want to be, the beliefs you have and the character you display, no one else makes that decision for you.
Take care, I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (21 September 2007):
 Oh honey I'm BEGGING you,for you own sake only:FUCK the society!!!It's YOUR life ONLY,don't let it slip away while doing things others think you should.PLEASE!!!!!!It's for the best and I'm sorry I can't be there to convince you and make sure you'll leave that cunt but I honestly see it as the only solution...Don't you?
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