A
male
age
51-59,
*ristian38
writes: My boyfriend and I have been a committed gay relationship for the last six years. We have been living toether for five years, and from time to time, his brother has live with us, you know on and off. Whenever his brother moves back in, I am instantlly the housemaid and cook. It wasn't a problem until this last time he moved in with us. If my boyfriend has no problem with his brother using his possessions at his leisure, far be it for me to step in and say anything. That's his family business. But what I DO have a problem with is his brother's unwanted sexual advances. Actually, what he has done, has gone way past sexual advances. It's hard for me to come right and say what he's done to me, but writting it out seems to release some of this pressure from inside of me. Two months ago, my boyfriend left early one Saturday morning for a out of town meeting. It was still dark, so after I saw him off, I went back to bed. Before I knew anything, his brother was in our bed, pinning me down. I don't want to be too graphic, but you can imagine what happened. I put up the best fight I could, but he did overpower me, and took advantage of the situation. After he finished, he left out of my bedroom only to return with a knife. He told me in no uncertain terms that if I ever told his brother or anyone, I would not see my next birthday. Then he took the knife and sliced his hand open right in front of me, smearing the blood across my face and chest. He raped me two more times that day, before my boyfriend came back home that evening. Everysince, that Saturday, he acts like nothing happened. He just goes about just as before. Except now, his sexual advances have stopped. I am death afraid of this man living in my house. I have lost my appetite, and have been on a emotional rollercoaster. From one extreme to the next. I breakout in hives when I come home from work and I know he's there waiting alone. I make excuses to have my boyfriend pick me up from work. I have continued nightmares about that Saturday, and everyting he did to me. It has effected me to the point that I even make excuses for not being intimate with my boyfriend. I refuse to be alone with his brother. I have gotten so paranoid of him, I had my bestfriend (female) to move in last month. I told her what he did. She wanted to call the police, but I have begged her to promise me she wouldn't. I make sure I am never alone when he is in the house. I know I must tell my boyfriend, but I am scared to do so. What if his brother actually tries to husrt me, or worst yet, what if he tries to hurt my boyfriend? I feel as though my world is going on around me, and stuck on pause, just watching things unfold without any ability to stop them. Is there anyway I can get my tormentor to leave without any further disruption to my home? I am even willing to pay for him anoither place to stay, just so he can get out. Please tell me, how to handle this situation. What more can I do? I feel with all my heart, It is just a matter of time before he tries to do this again.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 January 2009):
 I'm glad its taking the direction it is. As far as the boy, or other victims, it's not your fault. The one who commits the act is the one responsible. You can't be blamed for that or blame yourself.
Look at this from a different angle. If I were to walk up to someone and punch them, how much at fault would they carry? They would carry the same as you do with what the brother did to you. You can't control the acts of others.
I wish you the best.
A
male
reader, Kristian38 +, writes (10 January 2009):
Kristian38 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, my best friend finally couldn't keep my secret anymore and told my boyfriend what his brother did to me. He went ballistic to say the least. He knew something was wrong, and couldn't put his finger on it. He just knew something was wrong with the fact that I had become so afraid of his brother, when before we were so close. Since I last wrote in, I have been diagnosed as having post-traumatic stress disorder from the rape. I have been seeing
a therapist, and it was in fact my boyfriend who contacted the authorities on his brother. I didn't want to press charges because I didn't want my boyfriend's family to go through this humilation, but is out of my hands, as the DA has picked up the case and pursuing it. Come to find out his brother has left quite a bit of a trail of victims, including his girlfriend's minor brother. Eventhough I am a victim, I still feel guilty about not coming forward before that young man was hurt. My relationship with my boyfriend is stronger than ever, and he is standing by my side. I still have rough nights when the nightmares are so real that I wake up soaked in sweat and screaming for my life. I have learned that I never asked for this to happen to me, and that the longer you keep something of this magnatude bottled up inside, eventually it will eat away at your very soul. Tell anyone who you can trust if you have been abused any kind of manner.Thanks to the two posters who responded to my earlier letter.
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A
male
reader, Kristian38 +, writes (13 November 2007):
Kristian38 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer the anonymous writer's questions. My boyfriend's brother is straight as far as I knew. Although he always flirted with me. I never took any stock in what he said. He flirts with everyone. Men, women, he even flirts with his brother. He and his brother are very close. My boyfriend's brother did have a problem with drugs, but after he seeked treatment, he has showed no signs of using them again. He usually lives with his girlfriend. They have a make-up and break-up relationship. That's when he comes and stays with us, until things cool off with her. They'er parents moved down to Florida, and it's just the two of them living here. He's twenty nine years old. I have seen my doctor, and have been tested for STD's. I am very thankful I haven't been infected with anything. Thank you for your advice too rcn. I am seeking the proper authorities to handle this. I still haven't told my boyfriend what happened. I just don't know how to tell him. But I know it's going to be tough. Thanks again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): oh my god what nightmare!
good advice from rcn can i ask is his brother gay? does he do drugs or drink? were does he live when he's no there?
The reasons i ask these is he has prob done stuff like this before terrorising people and he's getting away with it. Do the brothers get on? Were are the parents? is there any other family members? Ask yourself these questions you cannot keep this a secret.How old is the brother? didi he does he have a g/f if so tlk to her not telling what happened to you just in casual its surprising what people will tell. RCN what if he goes and tells but can't prove nothing just like all rapes unless DNA but you have let the time go by. I wish i could help you more speak with you doctor, try to talk to your partner I know it must be scary and I hope rcn's advice is right.
Best wishes
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 November 2007):
Here's what you need to do. First of all, realize you can't live like this. It's not fair, and no one, no matter male, female, sexual orientation, has to live in fear. You need to also realize the sadistic manner which this happened. Cutting his hand etc. He is capable of much more. This presents a psychotic type of behavior. It comes, It goes, but when it comes anything is possible.
Instead of calling the police you need to go with your female friend and while your out and about stop into the District Attorney's Office. You don't want the directly involve the police because their involvement is subjected to perception of events, where the D.A. operates directly off law. You need to tell him the situation. What would be the best times for the brother to be picked up. They need to charge him with a minimum, from what you mentioned in here, of 3 counts of first degree sexual assault, and 1 count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
They should also hold him over for trial without the possibility of parole due to the nature of this crime.
This is the only way I can think of you being safe in this situation.
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