A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some opinions. I'm dating a man that has severe ADD/ADHD. He's a beautiful man inside and out. Here's the problem, he's going to be diagnosed next week with ADD/ADHD (How do we know he has it already?? we are both familiar with the signs as we both have children that have mild ADD/ADHD), and get some help, but until then - he's almost too hard to be with. He's very distrusting, says hurtful things, and gets very frustrated when he doesn't get his own way, or doesn't hear what he wants to hear. It's like th Jykle and Hyde Syndrome. However what he does are symptons of ADD/ADHD. I know with the proper councilling and medication he wouldn't be like this anymore. However I'm not nieve enough that I don't realize that this could be a personality trait that has nothing to do with ADD/ADHD. WHat I need to know is how many people woould stick it through (and see what happens with the meds and councilling) and be supportive, or how many people would say...call me when and if you get better (not to sound mean or anything). Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): drunk and immature
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok...so...we have split up a few days ago. Here's my problem. I love him dearly, and miss being with him terribly. However...I don't miss what feels like emotional abuse, or him trying to control me. Today he is going to his doctors, and hopefully he will get some help. In the mean time what do I do???? soooooooo confused. I also have to add....Saturday evening, he had 4-5 beer (drinking with a friend). He had his friend call me in a drunkin' stupor begging me to please give my ex another chance because he loves me so much, and hates the fact that he hurts me, but does it completely unintentional. Then, when my ex didn't hear what he wanted to hear, he took the phone back and got nasty with me - mocking me, telling me that he should have listened to his friends after all (about me), then...in the same breathe - asks me if he can come over, that he misses me!.....OMG!!!!!!!!!
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Jager can vouch for this. It sounds like symptoms of Bi-Polar, with the up and down shift in behaviors. It's not saying he's not ADHD, and often people with ADHD have an attached behavior disorder such as Bi-Polar.
As far as the relationship issues, their partially due to the disorder, but more so how he views himself for having it. You need to keep in mind, ADHD is part of the whole person. Symptoms can be controlled, but no cure. So he's in a world surrounded by people who have different views etc. Knowing some things are different also prompt relationship issues by fearing the person you're with may leave you for someone a bit more normal.
Since you've decided to remain together, it's important for you to study and know the differences between the both of you. Many relationships end, not because someone's doing "wrong" to the other person, but they fail to acknowledge their differences.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): my boyfriend has adult ADHD as well…his symptoms aren't quiet like that though…he has a hard time focusing and listening…he also gets frustrated easily…it's really annoying and frustrating a lot of the times for me too though and sometimes i wonder if i really want to deal w/ it or not
he sometimes will take Vyvanse or Adderall…primarily on work days (seeing as how he is an ER nurse and works three 12hr shifts a week) it works wonders
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey bitterblueThanks for the opinion and the article!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): You should think if who he is in general (because we can't say that he is his disease) can outshine this problem although there is unfortunately always the risk that you overestimated your ability to tolerate his lacks in the long run! It sometimes happens. But you will have made your decision with full knowledge of the case if you seeked professional opinion firstly about how ADD affects people's lives. There must also be many non-ADD wives out there with ADD husbands that can give you a clearer insight into how life is with an ADD spouse. Of course the story will depend on whether the ADD is milder or more servere. I should warn you that if you find it very hard to cope at the beginning of the relationship, odds are it will not be getting a lot easier. But this is a general truth. I hope someone who is in an ADD marriage can answer your question much clearer and be of more help. All the best.I found a link which might be useful:http://www.addresources.org/article_adhd_spouse_seay.php
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJagger, you are absolutely right. I wouldn't leave him if he had a stroke or broken leg. However...here's the problem. The stress of dealing with him when he "slips" into his moods is causing me to lose sleep, lose weight (I'm tiny as it is..if I lose anymore I'll be sickly). I know he loves me (even though we are dating we have known each for quite a bit), I know I love him, but how much does one have to deal with (wether he can control it or not)? He's got jealousy issues etc (never had a reason as I'm a one man woman)...and he's can't take responsibilities for his own actions...it's always my fault, or someone elses...I'm torn.
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reader, Jager  +, writes (27 January 2009):
I have Bipolar Disorder and i know people with both ADD and ADHD there is know way that i would try and convince you to leave him simply because my partner has not left me. Dealing with conditions like this is very difficult i would try medication i know that my relationship would not work if i was not on medication of some sort. You should read into the symptoms of ADD and ADHD (you prob already know them as you have children with it) and remember that it is not something he is in control of and if he was then he would not be like this. It is a medical problem like any other. Would you leave him if he had a broken leg or if he had a stroke?
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