I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!

A female age 36-40, *oesntunderstand writes:

My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. He couldn't let go of my past. Which I couldn't understand at all...it was my past...and it really wasn't that bad. Before I was with him I always had at least 3 boyfriends...I wasn't sleeping with any of them, I was just getting different emotional needs met by each guy. It's hard to find one that can meet them all. I don't feel bad for it, because it was in my past. I have never cheated on my husband, not while we were dating and there has never been an affair. We split up a little over a year and a half ago, and decided to give it another go almost a year ago. Things have been rocky and just when I seem that things are getting better, I'm slapped in the face(not literally) with his attitude. My husband is a VERY moody guy. He throws little fits when things don't go his way. If he misplaces things he stomps around, waking up everyone in the house claiming that all of his stuff is always disappearing. He just can't understand why it always goes missing, and it's just his stuff...maybe it's because he forgets where he puts it...I've tried to tell him that...that just ends up being a fight so I usually just look around and retrace his footsteps for him until I find whatever it was that grew little legs and ran away. He throws the worst fits when he is driving. I can understand a little road rage, I have it myself...but to get seriously pissed off because some guy is going 5 miles under the speed limit is stupid. I can't handle all the negativity. I love this man, I do, and I want to make things work with him, regardless of the negative. I want him to learn to be more positive. I want him to treat me better...that is a totally different story. He is always cutting me down. I went and got my hair cut yesterday, I didn't ask him if I could and that was a problem. "You always just do what you want to do, regardless of what I think, you don't want to ask me" I don't think I should have to ask him if I can go get my hair cut. It's $30 and we have the money. He doesn't ask me when he goes and spends money, nor do I expect him to...if it's a little purchase under $50 I don't care...couldn't care less...he has a job so why shouldn't he get to spend some of his hard earned cash(I just want the same respect in return). He has this weird demented version of who I am in his head. He thinks that I do everything my way because I don't want to do it his way and I am doing it out of spite. Honestly, I'm almost 25 and have made it this far in my life without him telling me what time I should go to the bank(this is one of our biggest fights, I go to the bank at the end of my lunch hour. I don't want to go at the beginning because I am hungry and can just hit it on my way back...it's just as easy. But if I don't do it at the beginning he throws a fit and says I went after lunch because he wanted me to go before...it's the most stupid thing I have ever heard). I am not really a spiteful person. Everyone has it in them I guess, and I can be about certain things, but he thinks I do everything out of spite. I do everything differently than how he wants it done because I just don't want to do it his way...this isn't true. I do things my way because I am the one that is doing them and I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal when I do it or how I do it, just as long as it gets done. He has a really negative outlook at life and I am a bubbly happy person most of the time. I find that I am really only negative when I am around him or when he completely ruins my day by yelling at me over something stupid on the phone while I am on my way to work. I work in car sales...I do not wear my wedding ring to work(this was HIS idea, not mine) because you do sell more cars if you appear to be single. It's true. Men are more receptive to an attractive woman if they think they can get into her pants. I do not act inappropriately with any of my customers and none of them come back in just to talk after the deal is finished. Before work this morning I went into the place I used to work and ran into some oilfield truck drivers that used to be my regular customers there...they even have their own nick name for me...they are like in their 50's some are even older. I was telling him that I was running a little late because I was talking to them about coming in to look at a vehicle...he quickly got off the phone all pissy like without his normal "I love you". Then calls me back all pissed off because I am late to work because I am talking to "your oilfield trash". I was promoting MY business. I was working. When I told him that it was the 50 year old men he was like oh well, "if it would have been the other ones than I would have been like well FUCK you and I don't want to talk to you". Was that really called for? Should he have really said that to me? And then he started yelling at me because I called him on it and said he shouldn't talk to me that way. So I hung up the phone. I am not going to be disrespected anymore than I already am and I am not going to listen to someone yell at me. When he called back I asked him if he was going to continue to yell at me and he yelled some more "Yea, I am going to yell" so I hung up again. I am not doing it with him. He says that it is wrong to hang up on him and it shouldn't be allowed to do it...but in my defense should he be allowed to yell at me? I know that it happens. I am guilty of yelling occasionally(and I mean occasionally, I yell when I have been yelled at). I grew up in a home with constant yelling and he knows this...it has damaged me to no end...if someone yells at me the first thing I normally do is burst into tears. He knows this and still continues to yell. We had it out a couple of weeks ago and I told him I was tired of being his emotional punching bag for when things don't go his way. I am tired of him always taking his irritation out on me...I am a good woman and a good wife. I do everything for him. We live in the same town as his parents...they say they love me, but they don't. They went out of town for 2 whole weeks and we got along very well...but as soon as they comes home he starts up again. I don't get it. There have been numerous occasions when I have walked in on a conversation that he is having with his mother and it stops. Last night I walked into "it's like a slap in the face" the conversation stopped right there, my husband then said well, ok, goodnight we will see you tomorrow...then continues to tell me that the conversation had nothing to do with me, but he doesn't want to talk about it...and his attitude for the rest of the night is shit. And I wake up this morning to more attitude. I feel like he really doesn't want me around anymore. I have asked him, I told him I will leave, all he has to do is say so. He says it's not me, it's him, and not to be so sensitive...but it is hard to not be so sensitive when I am made to feel like I am always fucking up, and I have no idea what I've even done...I just know that obviously he isn't happy with me or he would treat me differently. We don't have sex regularly...well that's not true...we are on a regular schedule of sex of about 1-2 times a MONTH. Not because I don't want it, believe me, I am a nympho. I would love to have it on an average of 3 times a day. I am a very attractive woman with a good body. I have a wonderful personality and the most beautiful sweetness you have ever seen, but it's just not good enough for him. I take good care of myself and I try to be kind to everyone. I don't know what his deal is but if I can't figure out how to make him see that he is pushing me away by being such a jerk I will leave. I am prepared to do it again...I don't want to, which is why I am on this site looking for some insight or maybe some suggestions of ways I can talk to him. Please...anyone, everyone, men, woman, whatever help me...I'm losing it and he's losing me...

View related questions: affair, cheated on my husband, jealous, money, split up, wedding

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