A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am a married woman involved with a married/seperated man for 8 months. he moved out of his wife/kids house after 2 months of us being involved. things moved very quickly and before i knew it he was telling me he loved me and wanted me to move in with him. we connected emotionally and physically. we both have several kids, and as soon as our spouses found out things started getting crazy. She would use the kids to make him feel guilty. we spent an several intimate night together and talked about what the future holds. then he text me the next day to say he was going back to his kids and going to give them/her one more chance. he keeps apologizing to me and said he couldnt face me in person. why even get that involved if he was going to go back? why did he break it off in a text? will the wife/mother of his children always have control over him with the guilt she plays on him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): yeah, butt out and worry about your own kids/marriage....you SHOULD both feel very very guilty!
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 January 2009):
 The old saying, "when playing with fire, you're bound to get burned." This holds true to affairs. Both of you are committed to other people, therefore aren't available for an additional full commitment.
Don't have affairs. If you want to be with someone else, end your marriage prior to doing so. Make sure, as well, the person you're with is available for the commitment you're looking for. It's not fair for you, your spouse or your children.
When having an affair, you're not with your kids, so during that time you're neglecting their well being. This is the reason the U.S.Supreme Court recently decided in divorce court, the parent who did not have the affair can use "intentional infliction of emotional distress" as cause to be awarded custody.
The other poster was right on with the pain that can be associated, now the law in family court can decide a parent unfit for having an affair when children are involved.
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A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (12 January 2009):
 I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this. You're not alone.
You connected emotionally and physically. You listened to his problems, he talked to you, and you let your guard down even though he told you exactly who he was, and what he was doing from the beginning.
How could he do this to you?
He can do this because he's consumed by his own suffering, and not really in tune to yours. He just seemed to be in tune. He was rudderless - you gave yourself body and soul like any woman would do. It's called rebound effect.
Then his wife calls, begging him to return, and, as unfair as it is to you, she has first dibs, and most folks would say you deserved it... There is little sympathy for married women grieving the loss of a lover, and yet, the grief is absolutely real. In some ways, it's worse because there's no "oh, someone better will come around to take your mind off of Mr. Wentbacktohiswife."
The only silver lining is that you probably avoided he old trap of thinking that anew pair of shoes under your bed would solve your problems and make our life so much happier.
Picture the true reality: you left alone every time the wife calls. Your kids mad at you forever for leaving their dad. His kids hating you for trying to replace their mom.
He can't face you because he's ashamed for leading you on.
You're better and stronger than this.
...............................
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