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writes: my husband looks at pics of really young girls, what can i do to stop him?hi every one, for most people, I have a perfect relationship, and to some extent i believe it. me and my husband are in our 28-29s and been together for 3 years. he watches a lot of porn, and I used not to have an issue with that until 3 months ago i found that he had tons of pics of young girls, as young as 12, and yes, i mean they do look like 12. i confronted him about it 3 months ago, he admit it is a problem and he promise he would stop. but yesterday i found more pics he downloaded this week.this time i got mad, cry and really want to make him feel guilty as at least he would think how much it hurts. i have two issues, first, I despised him for watching at these young girls, I think it is even immoral, and then I take it personal! what is he thinking when we make love? what does he want? and the fact that he even did not mind to erase them from our pc makes me feel he does not care about what I feel. I can not trust him anymore, and I am seriously thinking about leaving him, life is too short to be unhappy. please help
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female
reader, hurtandconfused444  +, writes (28 April 2012):
I am going through the same thing. Actually I have been in denial because it started a couple years ago. I found websites and pornographic pictures of children on our computer. I confronted him and he cried and promised not to do it again. I was stupid to believe him because he continued to do it. He would stop for a while and then when he lost his job I found them again I was heartbroken and he threatened to kill himself so I stayed out of love but mostly guilt. It stopped once again until two weeks ago I found a picture of videos he had been watching of them just dancing not naked. So I decided to leave but he is now seeking help actually today was his first day and I know I am Soo stupid to stay with him but we do not choose who we love. I don't know if I will stay with him for long I am confused hurt and feel worthless.
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female
reader, Adia  +, writes (11 July 2010):
my husband exaty the same your husband ,
my husband just 40 years old but he alway like 13 or 14 years old girls ...he found out them from internet , and promiss going meeting them ......but he said just only friend....i do not believe it , if friends why they are alway send Nude pitures to him ...
i understand about your Hurt ...
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male
reader, ADR386 +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I'd have to disagree with greycloud's post -- this is very unhealthy and just because something (in this case your husband's fetish for young girls) happens without conscious effort that doesn't mean it should be tolerated.Think of this: the 12 year old girls in those pictures weren't in them of their own volition. They were probably forced to be in them for the sexual gratification of your husband and people like him. If that doesn't disgust you, I'm not sure what would.See a marriage counselor or some other professional to try to nip this in the bud because pornography use doesn't usually taper off on its own. If he can't stop (and be ready for this possibility because he's already shown shades of it), then you'll need to contact police, if only for the sake of the children that he may try to abuse if he can't gain control of this situation. I don't know if you plan to have children, but if you do, do you really want it to be with someone who sees them as sexual objects? And even if you don't, there are 12 year old girls everywhere; for his and their sake, please try to do something about this.
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male
reader, greycloud24 +, writes (30 November 2009):
people don't choose their sexuality. answer yourself this honestly, would you CHOOSE to be a person who is universally despised by most people? would you CHOOSE to be attracted to porn that could get you thrown in prison? your husband does not have a choice as to what he is attracted too. i think you should insist that he erase the porn and get rid of it. to facilitate his fantasies you may want to dress up young and do roleplaying. it could bring out a side of his sexual desire that you have never seen. meanwhile you should realize that attraction does not mean love. his attraction to young girls does not mean that he does not love you for who you are. he is simply sexually attracted to features of young girls.
if he liked blondes would you dye your hair for him? how is this any different than you dressing up to look young for him?
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female
reader, erica123 +, writes (28 August 2009):
Leave him now and take his computer to the police. He is a pedophile and any child around him is in danger. He needs help and getting him in trouble with the law will provide him the help he needs.
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female
reader, crazylove +, writes (1 April 2009):
I just found really disturbing downloads of VERY young girls on my husbands computer, too...made me ill. Worse because we have two daughters 9 and 20 months. I feel so much distrust and disgust! I am thinking this must have something to do with the fact he's not interested in sex (at least not with me!) I knew he looked at porn, but I didn't know he was stooping so low as to look at 10 or 12 year olds. I have a relative who is currently serving jail time for just having pictures of child pornography! He knows the danger. I am ill thinking of what's in his head. How can he feel good about himself after looking at those images? I am horrified and don't even know how to bring it up to him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): He needs help before he acts on his desires to have a sexual relationship with a minor. I'm very sorry you have to experience this and can't even imagine the heartache you must be feeling, but please, I beg of you as a mother, don't ignore this because it hurts. Try to help him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Try to grasp and understand what I am about to say. If the pictures are not violent(showing the young girls being harmed) it is more than likely that your husband is getting more out of looking at these young girls than just what meets the eye. It is probabily the innocense and the feeling of control that he is seeking. Alot of men these days are searching for that feeling of control (to be the man). Because in most homes both the husband and wife are working and pulling equal weight. And even though this type of household has been going on for sometime now, men still live with the stereo type of protector and ruler over his home. But what I find in these times is that alot of husbands are just going with the flow.And what I mean by that is they don't know how to take their place in the marriage. But men were built to be men. So I suggest to the wife the next time you lay down in bed beside your man, play a more submissive role and let him feel the control that he is seeking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): I KNOW IT HARD TO KNOW HE LOOKING AT YOUNGER GIRLS I CAN TELL YOU KNOW HE LOOKING AT YOUNGER GIRLS THAN 12YO HE LOOKING AT GIRLS THAT ARE 7 OR 8YO TOO I KNOW HE IS ...because im him and im 55yo guy and my wife hated it and still dose you your like us there is no were to go to get any help our people have made laws saying anyone haveing pictures or looking at younger kid you go right to jail right now and dont get out for 10 to 20 years it all the people thay are so good and never think it is really bad when some guy cant get help for what he is ive ben that way all my life and it so hard because i can only talk to my wife about this she the only one i can trust i know she dont like it there are only 2 thing i can do about this is go to jail die there or kill my self because you cant stop it and if you make him he do it any way let him talk to you about it he cant go anywere to anyone to talk i can go on and on about this if you really love him you give him that ear to talk too he do it anyway so it better that you know here i go agin it something inside of you and there alot more men out there that anyone know aboutGIVE HIM YOUR LOVE AND YOUR EAR IT IS HARDER FOR HIM THAN YOU EVER KNOW i do knowSORRY ABOUT THIS I CANT TELL YOU HOW HARD IT REALLY IS WHEN YOU CANT STOP BYE
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): Sounds like something which is referred to "Jailbait" on the internet. There are very popular websites dedicated to this sort of thing.If all the girls really look 12ish then you have a problem. No question about it.But if they are developed teenage girls 16+ and they aren't nude then I'm inclined to say don't worry about it. It's not illegal, and it's certainly not unnatural. Men will always be attracted to fresh looking girls, and there isn't a single law you can impliment which will stop this.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 January 2009):
This goes beyond the porn aspect. This is illegal stuff he's looking at which means he's been on some REALLY NASTY sites in order to get them.
I think if you've had it out already with him and he has carried on then you have some serious choices to make. I mean he's most likely had to pay for these images, and that money could be going towards people who get paid to abuse children. It also means the FBI could very well be tracking him and could knock on the door tomorrow.
Do you want to be there when he gets arrested?
If I were you then I'd get out. He's had his chance.
Good Luck!! xx
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Life is too short. He does realize, pornographic pictures of young individuals is a Federal Crime.
I'm not going to justify his behavior, but I want you to look at this from a non pedophile direction, just for explanation. Why are many attracted to the inappropriate pictures? I was asked that not long ago, so being a behavior analyst, I spent some time researching the subject. I looked at relationships now, compared to the history of relationships here, and in conflicting countries. What I found was it may not be as much the attraction to youth, but the attraction to innocence.
We have to admit, sexual innocence has decreased in age over the years. Most, who marry today have already lost that innocence prior to their current partner.
Saving sex until marriage use to be a respected method of being, and still is in many countries. Reason being, loosing innocence between two people is meeting each other at a spiritual level of expressing their love for the other person.
My study though was not regarding why impulses are acted upon when an adult has physical desire for a child. It was on why some view or see the viewing of innocence as art vs. a sexual or pornographic view.
Your in a marriage, and any behavior which compromises your marriage should not be tolerated. I'm not saying to control the behaviors of the other person, but coming to a healthy agreement to promote growth between the two of you. I strongly believe in desire for your spouse, so even pornographic viewing, not meant as a shared sexual experience, should not be in a marriage. To me, that desire is better focused on the person you say "I do" to. I say have a "non angry" conversation with him, and bring it up. Start off by saying, "this really bothers me because" and see what his response is. If he continues, I'd agree that he's disrespecting everything you two have together.
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