A
female
age
30-35,
*nfinishedSymphony
writes:I've been with my overly passionate, subtle and lovely boyfriend for some time now. He's not very spontanous, everything seems like a walk in the park... and almost routine. Last night we had sex. And he started choking me towards the end out of the blue. I found it highly erotic and the more I seemed to struggle the more it persisted. I recently told my friends about his sudden change in behaviour and the act he performed on me. They said it was wrong and I should report him as it was a form of assault? Am I oblivious to what actually happened... or are they blowing the situation out of proportion? Help? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, UnfinishedSymphony +, writes (14 January 2009):
UnfinishedSymphony is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks everyone.
pvtguy, you really helped! :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): It is ver dangerouse. Please warn him befoere you attempt to have sex again. You should not do anything which will harm you physically and which probably will kill you. Take care of your self.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Strange, but ive had this done to me about 4 times already! all one night stands. Everytime it happens i get abit shocked! I imagine Id like force-play etc but it always happens to me by complete surprise which REALLY puts me off to the extent i want to kill the guy. haha odd indeed!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): This is very disturbing to me. This advice here "if you like it go for it, but you might die"This is Abusive. Why would anyone Want to be with someone that Hurts or possibly suffocates them??? I would Not feel safe with a Man(and I use that word loosely) like him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): nah as far as i know its fine im with a girl right now that loves it and every second of it if you liked it then why report him
...............................
A
female
reader, UnfinishedSymphony +, writes (12 January 2009):
UnfinishedSymphony is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks!
You've all helped me put things into perspective
Like most of you have all said, If i liked it and allowed him to do it..whats the problem?
None :)
...............................
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 Really it's up to you. But id ask him to be a bit gentle on you and not go "too" hard, there are lots of fetishes like this one that people have during sex. Some people love it, some freak out. So its all up to you. Give him a warning to be a little gentle then one or two tests to see if he does it too hard again. If you don't like it or if you've already done this it might be worth to consider reassesing your relationship. Also its not real good to stop blood flow to the brain during sex.
Ask your self do you really like it? You said it made you highly erotic. That's because blood flow and breathing patterns highly relate to bringing you to orgasm. Instead try the other end of the spectrum by breathing heavier, taking deeper breaths during sex, it should bring you closer to an extatic orgasm much quicker. And its much much safer.
Please, just be very careful with his fetish.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Talk to him about it and set limits if you liked it. Some couples have a word to alert their partner if things get out of hand. You have to have something to keep things fun but out of danger!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): They're probably blowing it out of proportion, you yourself said you found it highly erotic. talk to him about it though, he should have let you know he was going to do something like that
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 It is a form of assault, because you didn't choose it. For those who do, it's a sexual fetish. It's not recommended and for those who are crazy and are determined to do it, it should not be done, unless the person your with is HIGHLY trained. Your boyfriend can't just see it on a porno, and decide it's something to try, without it being more likely he'll hurt you. Too much pressure can crush your throat. You can end up passing out. Go into a coma. Or end up dead. Yes, people have died doing this. And anytime this fetish is done, it deprives your brain of oxygen and kills a large number of brain cells.
...............................
A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (11 January 2009):
 I had an ex boyfriend choke me during sex once. He warned me before hand and told me to touch his shoulder if I wanted him to stop (kind of like tapping out, so to say.) Its supposed to be done while your having an orgasm, as its supposed to intensify the orgasm. I personally found it hot, but it did not better my orgasm. Its called "cumming while you're going".
This can only be done with complete respect. Both parties willing. And the person who is doing the choking HAS to know what they are doing and when to stop, as to not kill you on accident.
This isn't for everyone. I've only had it done to me once. I found it sexy in an s&m way. But again. Not for everyone. He should have asked you about this before hand as to not scare the sh*t out of you.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Gentle Man  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 This is a type of fetish, he should have asked you before he did it. It can be very dangerous and people have died doing it, so be careful.
You should speak to your boyfriend about it. Ask him why he did it. If it just turns out to be a fetish and increasing sexual pleasure then thats fine, if he did it because he was angry or had any violent impulses then that is a serious problem.
You said you found it erotic and seemed to enjoy it ? then thats all fine.
Just remember to be careful.
...............................
A
female
reader, im_a_dummy +, writes (11 January 2009):
 ha, hun its ok. Maybe he just wanted some change. A lot of guys get really turned on by choking and biting, and breaking the skin. Maybe before he was holding back, and since you have been together a while maybe he wanted to stop holding back, i dont think you need to concern the police or anything. just talk with him. dont bring it up stright forward tho, maybe work it into a convo, like... get on the topic of sex, and then bring in that its like a rutine, and then be like, yea it was always the same and last time really surprised me, are you ok, are there problems going on or sumthing like that, it doesnt matter if you sound stupid because u will get information out of him, he will be like, yea i am fine i was trying sumthing new or w/e and then talk with him and tell him you didnt like it, or tell him you did like it... just talk with him first.
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 We do many things during sex that wouldn't be acceptable in other contexts. If you gave him a clear signal that you wanted him to stop and he did not then that would be a concern, otherwise why on earth would you "report it" if you enjoyed it. For the future come up with a safe word or signal which means "I really want you to stop right now". Any breach of that agreement would be a big red flag.
...............................
A
female
reader, dizzikat +, writes (11 January 2009):
People are turned on by all sorts of acts, don't use your enjoyment to be the measure of this.
If as a couple you are both willing to engage in these sort of acts you need to have a mutually agreed code word to stop if it has gone too far for either of you.
You must also agreed beforehand that you are willing to engage in whatever act it is - it is part of normal sexual behaviour to ask your partner "would you like it if I..."
Frankly the way you describe his behaviour coming about frightens me.
If you are unwilling to sit down & talk with him sober & clean about what acts you both agree to in sex because you are worried he'll go all cardboardy on you again - then just walk away now, while you still have the chance. There are other people out there who will respect you & your body, he has not approached this in a responsible way, he is dangerous.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): only you know what happened in the situation and whether it was meant in aggressive way or just a form of play during sex. you shouldn't let your friends make you feel it was something bad if you enjoyed it.
alot of people experiment with sex in this way and maybe you are just confused because your boyfriend did it out of the blue. however maybe you have given him slight signals in the past and so to him it may have been a long time coming.
if you do feel uncomfortable however, its best to talk toyour boyfriend about what happened and tell him how you feel.
...............................
|
