A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why have I never had a "normal" relationship?In my life I have been involved seriously, with about 3 men - none of which I could class as having a serious normal relationship.The first guy I dated on and off for about 10 years but never let him have full sex with me as I never truly loved him.The second guy was in prison, so I couldn't be alone with him long enough to get intimateand the the third man only sees me when he can - but never brings up the idea of sex even though I feel ready to have sex with him!So why am I having all these bizarre relationships? - I come from a really normal, down to earth background!!
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female
reader, Anonny +, writes (29 January 2009):
Thanks - yes deep down I probably do fear commitment! - I also think I wasn't destined to be in a relationship - that is why I go for the unobtainable ones!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Let me ask you this. Do you fear commitment? Better yet, the feelings you may feel if you allow yourself to be there as a whole, instead of keeping yourself at a safe emotional distance?
So your saying No sex for the first one = No love there, oh yea, partial sex, not full sex.
(friends with partial benefits)
The second one = Criminal restrictions.
(unattainable, without inviting the guards.)
The third one = You're ready, but he only comes around when he can. (booty call, if sex happens at some point, not he's just the "call")
I'm not trying to be mean, but look at this history. Part-time dating + Part-time, visitations + Part-time dating= You remaining in complete control, not allowing your feelings to sway past the like to maybe liking allot.
Do you feel if you are with someone and have sex with them that your feelings might change, or that their feelings might change toward you? I'll agree that sex is not the most important factor in a relationship, but if you want a real relationship, at some point that factor may want to be added.
If you give to #3, do you believe you will become more than a stop over when he can? You need to think about what it is you're looking for. Even though you may be ready to give to him, he may not be ready to move from stopping by to maybe staying over.
I may be off a little here, answering from a couple of lines from each relationship, but based on what you said, this is the best I could do for an answer.
Take care.
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