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This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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28 November 2010: Recently, I found this poem by Maya Angelou. I think it pretty well summarizes how women should feel about themselves. Here it is, in case it benefits anyone. PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm n...
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This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 December 2008: Something one of my aunts sent me: When I was born, the doctor went to the waiting room and told my father: "We did all we could, but he was born alive". My mom didn't know whether she should keep me or the placenta. Since I was born before ...
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She says she wants space. How much space is space?
Q. Hi. Could do with some advice. My girlfriend of three years (great relationship etc) recently told me she 'needs space/a break'. Not 'breaking -up', just needs 'space'... Everything was good until she started studies on her university course...
A. 1 March 2008: Randomguy, I know you're broken hearted now, but you can see this as a new beginning. She was dumping you, but instead she asked for space. It's her fault that you went for her again; she gave you hope to cling to.
Just move on and remember... (read in full...)
Am I right to question his integrity??
Q. I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave ...
A. 25 December 2007: I agree with Dearkelja. If you add everything, it does seem like he is involved with someone else. He should give you some explanations, but I'm afraid they won't come from him if you don't ask. Listen to what he says and decide on that basis.
... (read in full...)
With or without a condom....which way is less painful??
Q. My girlfriend said that it hurt's her less with a condom but i have also heard that it hurt's more with a condom. What do you think? Any tip's will help becouse i want to hurt her as little as i can....
A. 24 December 2007: Sex shouldn't be painful, with or without a condom. If she complained about "pain", then perhaps you are too rough, or she has an allergy or something like that. But the most likely reason, I guess, is her not wanting to become pregnant. And I am ... (read in full...)
Am I right to question his integrity??
Q. I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave ...
A. 24 December 2007: The fact that you mention his shaving suggests that he hadn't done it before. If shaving the pubic area were something he usually does, then I suppose you wouldn't talk about it.
I also suppose you have been intimate before, or he wouldn't... (read in full...)
Broke up with my cheating bf..now other females are wondering about our relationship status...how do I handle this?
Q. I am grateful for any help I get here. I broke up with an very attractive and popular guy here on campus because I know that he was seeing other women when he was seeing me. He is continuing to see a few women at the same time and I am glad to be ...
A. 24 December 2007: First of all, let me commend you on standing your own ground. Leaving him was the right thing to do.
As to how to handle the situation, I think I wouldn't tell anyone unless they directly asked about it. I mean, I don't see a reason to talk abo... (read in full...)
Happy Xmas from DearCupid
Q. Happy Xmas everyone :-) The aunts who share their wisdom, the people who share their questions and the team of moderators who keep everything flowing onto the site! Plus the 350,000 people who visit each month Have a great Xmas! Feel free t...
A. 23 December 2007: Wishing everyone the best for Christmas and the new year.
If you're visiting this site and feel specially bad this season, think that, just as a new year is coming, a new beginning is out there for you, too, if you are patient and let it come. T... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants a break after 4 years together, just as I move to her hometown to be with her.
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years (I'm 28, she's 22) and have had an excellent relationship with her. We have spent the last 6 months in different towns approx 300 miles apart. We spoke several times a day and I visited her several times in ...
A. 23 December 2007: RCN is the man! Great advice!... (read in full...)
Is my gf trying to tell me something by only initiating sex when she knows I'm likely to say no?
Q. My girlfriend only ever seems to REALLY want sex on the day when it's most uncomfortable for me. I do pretty intense phsiotherapy once a week and afterwards I drive straight to pick my kids up from their schools. By the time I get home I'm really ...
A. 22 December 2007: Perhaps, but I'm not sure it's something you should be worried about. Many times, I've read in this site that people are just not in the mood and it doesn't have anything at all with you. So this can be a gentle and smart way of not making you ... (read in full...)
How do I help him to realize I AM different - so we can have a functional relationship, which at the moment he is unsure of?
Q. I've recently starting dating this great guy last Sunday (almost 2 weeks. We've been talking since the end of Nov). We've seen each other almost every day since then. I've connected with him so well right off the bat better than most other me...
A. 22 December 2007: Good for you, Erato. A Mexican cartoonist said once that "opportunities are bald ladies you need to catch by the hair". So is good love. You need to be able to see when it is there. If you don't, you can't expect the other person to wait for you ... (read in full...)
My married bf has another gf with 2 kids! What should I do?
Q. I have my boyfriend for three years, he's married but no children, for 3 years of relationship with him I'm happy and i can say that am willing to live with him for the rest of my life, i really love him but suddenly i found out that before we met ...
A. 22 December 2007: I'm sorry to hear this. I need to say, however, that he was with this girl at the same time he was seeing you. The one-year old is living proof of it. Only you know what you will do, but, if you take this man knowing this, you will have to put up ... (read in full...)
I date women but my boss asked me if I was gay? Now I'm really confused --help!
Q. Hi, I am a 21 year old male currently experiencing some confusion. Over the past year or two their have been rumours from other people about me being gay. At the moment I am pretty depressed and these rumours just make things worse. FOr a bit of b...
A. 22 December 2007: Maybe I won't be much help, as I have never questioned my being straight and can't really relate. I've heard that some people discover their true orientation after a long time, but I think that your sexual orientation is something you can pretty ... (read in full...)
He's emailed many women saying he's bored with his current relationship. Is he being unfaithful or planning to? How do I confront him about this, as he will know I snooped?
Q. I am worried that my boyfriend may have cheated or be planning on cheating on me. I have been with my fiance for nearly 5 years and we have just bought our first house together in october. I had noticed that he was sending totally innocent mes...
A. 22 December 2007: He seems to want to marry you, but I wonder if it would be a good idea to marry him.
Where I live, a famous boxer used to tell every girl he met how much he hated his partner, how little she understood him, how boring their life together was, et ... (read in full...)
How do I help him to realize I AM different - so we can have a functional relationship, which at the moment he is unsure of?
Q. I've recently starting dating this great guy last Sunday (almost 2 weeks. We've been talking since the end of Nov). We've seen each other almost every day since then. I've connected with him so well right off the bat better than most other me...
A. 22 December 2007: I agree with Leonard and with the anonymous female poster. You just need to be yourself, let him see who you really are, and take your chances. Some people won't see who you are, but what they want to see, and that hurts like hell; but these ... (read in full...)
What do I do about growing apart? Should I move on or work at what we have left?
Q. I am 22 years old and have been with my bf for over 5 years, we have been living together for over 3 years. Everything has been amazing, but we have just grown apart. We have totally different interests in life right now, I have changed (grown as...
A. 22 December 2007: I think this is for you to decide. If you feel the relationship can be saved, and, more importantly, if you're willing to save it, then do. If you think there is too big a gap to bridge, then leave him. Sometimes we don't know what to do, but no ... (read in full...)
His affair has really messed me up inside...I need help on how to cope?
Q. I know everyone means well, but everyone is making me feel like crap....My husband had an affair the 2months that he was doing this on the net and off, he became distant from me I dont believe it was the bad sex or because he felt bad for the...
A. 22 December 2007: From your post, I see his cheating affected you very, very much, which is understandable. It also seems to me that what he lost because of that affair will never be fully regained. You just can't see him in the same light anymore. You also lost, ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her if it's time we split (especially if I discover she is again unfaithful) or should I just accept our marriage in these circumstances?
Q. My marriage of 20 plus years is in serious trouble again. I caught her cheating a few times and she blamed me for her infidelities. I have made many changes to try and correct the issues she said made her cheat. Things between us got better for a ...
A. 22 December 2007: I wish you the very best, sir. I commend you on your courage.... (read in full...)
I broke up with him. Now I've realized he's who I'm looking for, but he has a girlfriend now and doesn't want to hurt her. What should I do?
Q. So I was dating this guy who was basically everything i wanted some flaws here and there nothing big i started to like his friend and broke up with him we recently talked and i realized he can give me what i want. He says he likes me but he has a ...
A. 21 December 2007: Move on.
He doesn't want you anymore. And then, his going back to you would be unfair for his girlfriend. Sorry to say this, but now you are "the other girl".... (read in full...)
I like a girl at school, but I barely talk to her. Also, she has a boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. There is this girl at my shool that I like...i talk to her but bearly, Porbably the reason I liek her is becasue she noticed me...by that i mean one time she saw me at the park and told me the next day at school...this was when we didnt knwo each ...
A. 21 December 2007: If she has a boyfriend, she's off limits.... (read in full...)
Help! My marriage is a mess and I'm making it worse!
Q. Augh... I dont even know where to begin. I am married for 5 years. We have two children. My husband has serious anger issues. He yells and says really disrespectful things and he even hit me once. I told him that if he didnt change I would leave ...
A. 20 December 2007: I don't think you would deserve any slamming, either. I believe that your feelings for this friend are understandable. You're only human. You did what you did because you're in a tough situation and you need affection and support. This isn't ... (read in full...)
I like her, we sleep together, yet she says she just wants to be friends. What's going on?
Q. i have this girl i like living with me sleeping in the same bed as me and acting like my girlfriend yet when i ask for a kiss or anythink that suggest we are going out she says she just wants to be friends. what should i do?...
A. 20 December 2007: In my opinion, she is playing games with you. But even if she isn't, that's certainly a situation you can't maintain. Since you're only her friend, act as her friend and don't expect anything else, ever. Don't WANT anything else. Find yourself ... (read in full...)
She says she wants space. How much space is space?
Q. Hi. Could do with some advice. My girlfriend of three years (great relationship etc) recently told me she 'needs space/a break'. Not 'breaking -up', just needs 'space'... Everything was good until she started studies on her university course...
A. 20 December 2007: When someone asks for space, usually what the person really means is s/he wants to break up. For some reason, some people feel that it's better to break up in this confusing way. In my humble opinion, she wants to break up and she doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
My gf is violent when she has her period. She even punched me in the face! What should I do?
Q. i have been with my girlfriend now for 2 years. We have a good relationship the majority of the time but things go a bit ugly when she has her period. I know that may seem a stupid reason but I think this may be an exception. Since we started ...
A. 20 December 2007: Ooops! I forgot. You did the right thing by not "retaliating". It would have been so wrong.... (read in full...)
My gf is violent when she has her period. She even punched me in the face! What should I do?
Q. i have been with my girlfriend now for 2 years. We have a good relationship the majority of the time but things go a bit ugly when she has her period. I know that may seem a stupid reason but I think this may be an exception. Since we started ...
A. 20 December 2007: I understand that a period can have several effects on women, and I wouldn't like to ignore that. However, I have lived in the company of women all of my life (most of my relatives are female), and I spent all my years in college in a room where ... (read in full...)
Should I have no-strings sex? I'm married, this colleague is leaving work after New Year and I will have satisfied my curiosity!...
Q. Hi, I am married with two young children and I have recently met a guy through my new place of work. He is also married with 3 children and we are both after the same thing - some no-strings sex. I have only ever been with my husband and I think I ...
A. 20 December 2007: I believe only you can answer your own question. Think about it.... (read in full...)
Should I ask her if it's time we split (especially if I discover she is again unfaithful) or should I just accept our marriage in these circumstances?
Q. My marriage of 20 plus years is in serious trouble again. I caught her cheating a few times and she blamed me for her infidelities. I have made many changes to try and correct the issues she said made her cheat. Things between us got better for a ...
A. 20 December 2007: Whenever I recommend something serious, I ask the posters to think twice. I might be wrong, but, I believer your marriage is indeed over, and it has been for a long time. You have even talked about divorce already. Judging from your words, you ... (read in full...)
She claims she no longer has sex with her husband and is offering me the possibility to meet her in another city where she has a conference scheduled. Should I take this "opportunity"?
Q. A few years ago while working at a partner company I got to know an attractive woman. We started eating lunches together and grabbing coffee. We have also done other things together. Since then I have moved on to another business but have stayed in ...
A. 20 December 2007: I want to commend bemused on her very good advice. I don't think it can be improved. She has just hit the nail in the head. Brilliant, Bemused.... (read in full...)
My live-in gf only enjoys masturbating together but gets defensive over intercourse. Haven't had sex in yrs, I'm tempted to accept my colleague's sexual insinuations?
Q. I haven't had sex with my girl since 2003. We live together. We were from a long distance relationship. I love her. I cook for her. I make her feel good. But everytime I try and engage with her intimately, she brushes me off. Then less than...
A. 20 December 2007: I believe that the question you should have posted very long ago is a different one. Why do you maintain the relationship?
SamuraiRick and Richard Emids have made many good points. I disagree with Samurai in one: I don't think this girl has... (read in full...)
This marriage has been based on lies and to make things worse his female colleague seems to be seducing him. He also went on holiday behind my back. Am I wasting my time?
Q. I am married with 2 children. My husband has been deceiving me for a while now, lies over silly things. He watches porn when on business trips, i have seen the evidence on his hotel receipts. I have not confronted him but i know that if i did he w...
A. 20 December 2007: I remember your post of 18.12.07 very well. With the information you give here, I feel like the message you mentioned then is but the tip of the iceberg. Yes, poster, you're wasting your time. I don't think he loves you and certainly he doesn't ... (read in full...)
We're back together but he will not agree to officialise it. Should I trust him?
Q. My boyfriend keeps lying to me, there not really big lies but how do I know hes not lying about more serious things?? An example of one of his lies is he broke up with me a month ago and told me it was because he was going to America to play ...
A. 20 December 2007: I wouldn't trust him. I agree with Leanne.Od and the anonymous poster. You're better off without him.... (read in full...)
My partner is usually too tired for sex and has told me he does not like to initiate it. Could you tell me where the problem actually lies and how to fix it?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and our sex life has changed. We used to have sex all the time. Now it is once a week or once every two weeks. I know he loves me. I have been unemployed for a while now and he...
A. 20 December 2007: From your post, it seems there are no problems at all between you two. It also seems he never rejects your advances, even if he doesn't initiate unless he's under the influence. So, it's difficult to even guess what can be going on. Maybe he's ... (read in full...)
During the Christmas party, I ended being intimate with a co-worker and I suggested to know each other better; the next day he acted indifferent. Should I make the first step?
Q. Last weekend I went to my work's Chistmas lunch dinner and clubing night and ended up sleeping with a guy I know from work but not very much, we got off but didn't properly had sex as I didn't feel comfy about not knowing him enough and told him so, ...
A. 20 December 2007: Richard is right. He was trying to get a little sex from you, but nothing else. Maybe he assumes that was your intention, too. So, no harm done, no need to feel bad about it.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets messages from sex sites, but denies being a member, says they are random. Is he lying??
Q. My boyfriend gets these instant messages from sex sites, stating "hey I liked your profile, if you want to see my webcam pics you can contact me at...." He says they are just random junk mail that everyone gets. I've got a yahoo account and I ...
A. 20 December 2007: Well, I have never entered into a public chat room. Perhaps that's why I've never had this sort of problem and I wouldn't believe him. On the other hand, I do receive three or four variations of the Nigerian scam every day. Where they got my ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend suffers from low self esteem and bulemia, I came up with some ideas to boost her confidence but my friends say I will drive her into the arms of another man
Q. I have been with my grilfriend for a over a year now, she has recently told me she has suffered from bulemia and is desperate to feel good about her self and more importantly to feel sexy again. She is gorgeous and has a beautiful face and the most ...
A. 20 December 2007: I don't have much information on this subject, but I don't think a case of bulimia can be solved by dressing sexy. This seems to me like treating tooth decay with anti-retrovirals. She needs to work on the reasons behind her bulimia, not on her ... (read in full...)
He's been sending me signals, how do I make a move?
Q. What is the best way to ask a guy? I am on a board and one of the members has been sending me signals. It started with hugs and today he shook my hand and held it to his face. He has not asked me out but I was thinking of asking him to a movie. S...
A. 20 December 2007: The way you have worded your post, asking him out seems somewhat premature.
If I were you, I would ask around to have more information before I made any move. If you find out you could indeed work something out with him, ask him to a movie, y... (read in full...)
It's really awkward with my ex, I hate that I am hurting him
Q. Oh dear. I hope someone can help me. I was dating a guy for awhile. It got physical and I guess I realized the magic was not there and I ended it. I mentioned the friendship thing but I guess I hurt him. We are taking a course together and I am ...
A. 20 December 2007: I'm afraid this is not what you want to hear. Indeed, time will heal the rift, but it will also make it bigger. You can't be friends, because that's not what he wants; and you can't be lovers, because that's not what you want. There's not a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets messages from sex sites, but denies being a member, says they are random. Is he lying??
Q. My boyfriend gets these instant messages from sex sites, stating "hey I liked your profile, if you want to see my webcam pics you can contact me at...." He says they are just random junk mail that everyone gets. I've got a yahoo account and I ...
A. 20 December 2007: He's lying. Probably he gets them because he visited the sites, not because he has corresponded with any other woman. But, you don't get this sort of things randomly. If he said he's getting heaps of Nigerian scam e-mail messages, I would believe ... (read in full...)
I've heard my Mom having sex with her boyfriend in our house, yet I'm 18 and not allowed to have sex with my boyfriend. How do I talk her round?
Q. Hi, I just turned 18 last month. My bf and I have been dating a while. We are both virgins. We both have expressed a desire to have sex. I have decided that I want the first time to be in my bed. I think my room is good because we both would be co...
A. 20 December 2007: I see your post as meaning "what's good for the goose is good for the ganter". And you're right. If she can express her love at home, so can you. I suppose your mother will say that she wants to avoid your getting into trouble, and I think she ... (read in full...)
Help! My ex is dating again, and I still love her!
Q. Help! My ex is going out with another guy only a few months after she broke up with me! We were together a year and a half, and I can't believe she's already moved on! The break up hit me really hard initially, and now this has made things even...
A. 20 December 2007: I think you will always make those connections. But, one day you won't put as much meaning into them as you do now.
At first, I used to get rid of everything that would remind me of a person, in order to forget her more easily. It didn't r... (read in full...)
After my boyfriend helped out my financial problems by allowing us to move in together, I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my independence! Can you help?
Q. I was asked to move out of my family home, even though my Mum knew I couldn't afford it. I was fresh out of university and building up my career, but was at the very bottom of the ladder and very badly paid. Plus I have very large debts from ...
A. 19 December 2007: You're a very smart woman with very good instincts. You have been quick to see that, should something go wrong, it could go VERY wrong. I commend you on your foresight and your wish for independence.
That said, I would also like you to notice t... (read in full...)
I feel uncomfortable with the text my husband received from another woman...
Q. Last week i saw a text message on my husbands phone. It was from a female texting Happy Birthday to him in full with a kiss at the end and her saying that she would phone him later. She sent this message early that morning and then phoned him late...
A. 19 December 2007: To my simple way of seeing things, there is a good chance that your husband is having an affair with this woman. Where I live, women don't send a message with a kiss unless they are in some sort of a relationship. If this is the case in Britain as ... (read in full...)
I'm a bored married man, with a wife obsessed with the kids, how do I kick start our marriage again?
Q. Hi not sure why i'm here but i am so i guess i should say something right? ok i am married but i feel so lonely my wife is so busy with our children which are not children anymore the oldest is 29 and the youngest is 24 so i can't understand why we ...
A. 19 December 2007: This is a very good question, and one that I see posted by a man for the very first time. I hope I will manage to help you.
The simplest answer, and a likely one, I guess, is that she doesn't enjoy the same things you do. She knows what you want... (read in full...)
What makes a man fall in love?
Q. What makes a man fall in love with a woman that he is seeing? Is it when he feels like a lucky man? What are the things that made you fall in love, or that you felt were important in determining that this woman was one that was special enough for ...
A. 19 December 2007: I guess there would be as many answers to this question as there are men. Even I could give you different answers, depending on what woman I talked about. And then, when you're 40, you don't fall in love for the same reasons you did when you were ... (read in full...)
I want to trust him when he says he is not a porn addict but should I?
Q. We went from normal to sex rarely only when I initiate it. I questioned everything but yesterday I opened his computer and found tons of porn saved. He claims he's been saving that for years. It's all categorized by year, name, subject matter: ...
A. 19 December 2007: No, don't believe him. You have proof he is lying. Maybe he is not addicted, but he obviously has a lot of interest in porn.
However, it seems his addiction to porn didn't affect your relationship until recently. There has to be a reason f... (read in full...)
Help! My ex is dating again, and I still love her!
Q. Help! My ex is going out with another guy only a few months after she broke up with me! We were together a year and a half, and I can't believe she's already moved on! The break up hit me really hard initially, and now this has made things even...
A. 17 December 2007: I think everyone can understand your pain and what you're going through. I have found that precisely that understanding is what can help you.
It is difficult to accept that someone we love does not love us anymore. But, that's reality, and it m... (read in full...)
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