A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my girlfriend now for 2 years. We have a good relationship the majority of the time but things go a bit ugly when she has her period. I know that may seem a stupid reason but I think this may be an exception. Since we started to get close I've noticed she gets violent when it is her period. To begin with I never noticed it but since I have started to get more involved with her, I notice the pattern. I'm writing because a few days ago when her last period was, it was fairly bad. I was trying to stay out of her way like she adviced me when her periods are about. But I asked her a simple question and she went berserk, resulting in her punching me in the face. I didn't retaliate.She said the next day she was sorry but I'm worried that this could be the start of things to come. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): You poor thing. I did exactly the same thing to my boyfiend a while ago, but I have to admit it was not just because he asked me a question. I was hormonal, he was watching porn. But I can tell you that hitting anyone is about the last thing I would ever do because I am a gentle person. It was enough of a wake-up call for me and I went to the doctor. I am taking anti-depressants, agnus castus and evening primrose. The other thing I am doing is getting cognitive behavioural therapy, which has unearthed a very significant thing. I am terrified of being betrayed and it colours many of my behaviours. My partner has a habit of checking out young girls when we are out for example and he sometimes loses interest in speaking to me. He denies that he is doing it. I find this very difficult to cope with much though I know he loves me. I don't understand why he does it when it makes me unhappy. I don't care if he looks at another person, just not repeatedly. Last night in the pub as we left, a guy said "Babe, the letch has gone now". I think he was talking about my partner, who had been looking at his girlfriend but I would not dream of telling him.
I will either learn to live with it because the relationship is worth it, or it will put me off him slowly. I don't know yet, but either way I want a clear head, not one which is crowded by hormones. There is often a real underlying problem, which when added to raging hormones causes havoc. My partner does not understand my need for therapy, he is quite scathing and considers it a personal insult that despite having him, I need another person (a man) to help me. However, I am determined to be the best I can for him because he has the weight of the world on his back. There is a deficit because I find it hard to be the rock he needs when I have my own troubles to contend with. I love him so much that I am determined to do the very best I can to be the best person I can. I have unloaded. You could suggest some of these things to your girlfriend and if this problem persists, insist that she does something. There is still a lot to try.
A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (21 December 2007):
Go with Frank, Good advice.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 December 2007):
 Walk away and find a woman that will not resort to violence. Her period is NO excuse.
Depending on where you live, the laws are against men in these situations. If she hits you first, and starts to lose control, and you need to defend yourself, it is YOU that will go to jail even if she admits you were defending yourself from her.
This is a Red Flag. Walk away. You surely can find a better woman than this.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx +, writes (21 December 2007):
 I would suggest you wont take her hitting you at all (well done for not retaliating btw)Tell ehr you're there for her, but if she pounches you again you're ending it.in the meantime she needs to learn to control it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Are you sure she isn't just using this as an excuse? Either way you should not tolerate such abuse. If I were you I would end this relationship now before it gets worse.
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A
female
reader, steph.x +, writes (20 December 2007):
your not the only bloke going through this, and im sure that your girlfriend feels truley bad she may not even be able to control what she does. ask her to visit her doctor its more commen then people think, and try to treat her extra special around this time.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 Ooops! I forgot. You did the right thing by not "retaliating". It would have been so wrong.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 December 2007):
I understand that a period can have several effects on women, and I wouldn't like to ignore that. However, I have lived in the company of women all of my life (most of my relatives are female), and I spent all my years in college in a room where most of the students were female, and I have never heard a girl say that her period makes her so angry that she punches anyone. I may be wrong, yes, but I don't think a punch in the face is something she can't control.
If I were you, I would tell her that another strike and she's out. And I would mean it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I am very very moody when I get my period then the next day things get better, miraculously. I understand she might feel aggressive, and I think this aggression is so primal, and relatively hard to control for her. If she sees she gets away with something she might try some more next time. IN a way you have to 'tame' her moods during that time. You can help her by setting some boundaries and in any case, don;t accept being hit by anyone, no matter what the excuse is!!!! I do empathise with her though, for some people period moods are hard to manage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I am very very moody when I get my period then the next day things get better, miraculously. I understand she might feel aggressive, and I think this aggression is so primal, and relatively hard to control for her. If she sees she gets away with something she might try some more next time. IN a way you have to 'tame' her moods during that time. You can help her by setting some boundaries and in any case, don;t accept being hit by anyone, no matter what the excuse is!!!! I do empathise with her though, for some people period moods are hard to manage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): tell her you ain't takin that kinda treatment, period or not that's no excuse, say you'll forgive her this time. but if she does it again that's it.
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