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This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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28 November 2010: Recently, I found this poem by Maya Angelou. I think it pretty well summarizes how women should feel about themselves. Here it is, in case it benefits anyone. PHENOMENAL WOMAN by Maya Angelou Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm n...
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This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 December 2008: Something one of my aunts sent me: When I was born, the doctor went to the waiting room and told my father: "We did all we could, but he was born alive". My mom didn't know whether she should keep me or the placenta. Since I was born before ...
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Why does he treat me so badly?
Q. My boyfriend has been treating me really bad and I don't know how to tell him how he's been treating me because whenever I try to tell him he gets mad. He never wants to talk unless we're having sex. If we're not having sex and I try to talk to him ...
A. 12 February 2008: Dear poster, it is his actions that count, not his words. If he changes, fine. If he says he will change, be on the alert. ... (read in full...)
I can't let this man go now he has awoken so much in me...what can we do??
Q. I have been married 9 years and have 2 children. I fell out of love with my husband long ago. I met someone else 6 months ago and he awoke something in me i didnt know i had anymore. I haven't slept with my husband in 3 years. I have kissed a...
A. 11 February 2008: Oh yes, you're entitled to be happy, too. What's more, I would say that a healthy parent will recognize this. You need to look after your children, but they can't meet your needs. They are not meant to. All too often, the parent who self denies ... (read in full...)
I can't let this man go now he has awoken so much in me...what can we do??
Q. I have been married 9 years and have 2 children. I fell out of love with my husband long ago. I met someone else 6 months ago and he awoke something in me i didnt know i had anymore. I haven't slept with my husband in 3 years. I have kissed a...
A. 11 February 2008: Yes, good young eyeswideopen is right. Why can't you wait?
And a word of caution, dear poster. This is a general rule. Don't just settle for just anything anyone wants to give you. Maybe this is a good (if hesitant and insecure) man, one who ... (read in full...)
Why does he treat me so badly?
Q. My boyfriend has been treating me really bad and I don't know how to tell him how he's been treating me because whenever I try to tell him he gets mad. He never wants to talk unless we're having sex. If we're not having sex and I try to talk to him ...
A. 11 February 2008: Dear poster, I can only insist in my opinion. Leave him. I'm sure you can find accomodation elsewhere. Don't let him treat you like this.... (read in full...)
What do I do here for the best?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been acting a little bit off.. I moved out cuz there were conflicts, we lived with more people other then him and I, that's why there was conflicts, but now I live with my mother, and him and I talk online, and the only time ...
A. 11 February 2008: Well, he's coming back, but he's still a mean person and you should not let him take advantage. I would do as the anonymous poster recommended.... (read in full...)
How faithful are men really?
Q. this is 1 for the guys can a lepord really change its spots ? my bf has cheated and sent flirty messages to toher girls and met up with girls behind my back will he change like he says he will do or will this carrie on ? from a mans point of view i ...
A. 11 February 2008: Some of the posts here are offensive rather than informative, but they represent a point of view that many women share and we need to respect. Also, the purpose of this site is not that agony aunts and uncles get into debates of their own, for ... (read in full...)
I can't let this man go now he has awoken so much in me...what can we do??
Q. I have been married 9 years and have 2 children. I fell out of love with my husband long ago. I met someone else 6 months ago and he awoke something in me i didnt know i had anymore. I haven't slept with my husband in 3 years. I have kissed a...
A. 11 February 2008: We agony aunts and uncles give opinions on the basis of what people say. Sometimes the person giving the post fails to notice something, or then we give biased opinions, because in the end we're all human. I'm saying this because I know this is ... (read in full...)
How faithful are men really?
Q. this is 1 for the guys can a lepord really change its spots ? my bf has cheated and sent flirty messages to toher girls and met up with girls behind my back will he change like he says he will do or will this carrie on ? from a mans point of view i ...
A. 11 February 2008: It's difficult to give one answer to this question. We're like 3 billion men in the world, so on that basis alone it's impossible to generalize.
If you ask whether many men cheat, yes, that's true.
Will your guy change? Very unlikely, becaus... (read in full...)
Do people who were abused lash out?
Q. I am so thankful that I finally got out of an abusive relationship I was in. He was emotionally abusive, for example he would get very angry if i didn't smoke or drink or sleep with him, he never respected me, and there's really so much more. And I ...
A. 11 February 2008: I think RCN has given very good advice. I agree with his post, except in one point.
I know it takes two to maintain a fight, and I know it would have been best if you stayed out of this cycle of violence. However, I also need to say that thi... (read in full...)
What do I do here for the best?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been acting a little bit off.. I moved out cuz there were conflicts, we lived with more people other then him and I, that's why there was conflicts, but now I live with my mother, and him and I talk online, and the only time ...
A. 11 February 2008: I agree with the anonymous poster. I just would add that you should also try to move on. You see, he isn't talking about coming back, is he? He isn't even seeing you face to face. I think your time and your heart would be way better if they were ... (read in full...)
Long Term Relationship Ended Abruptly.
Q. For 20 years, I have carried on an on and off relationshp to a man I was engaged to in 1987. It didn't work out at the time but we always seem to come back together... Well, mostly for sex... which was very good, but then I would not hear from him...
A. 10 February 2008: I'm sorry to hear this.
You were engaged to this man, and for some reason you didn't marry. Then you kept the contact, mostly for sex, over twenty years.
I understand that each one of you were seeing other people. So I assume you came to a so... (read in full...)
Why does he treat me so badly?
Q. My boyfriend has been treating me really bad and I don't know how to tell him how he's been treating me because whenever I try to tell him he gets mad. He never wants to talk unless we're having sex. If we're not having sex and I try to talk to him ...
A. 10 February 2008: Yep, I agree with the boys. He's a controlling type who is with you just for the sex. He doesn't need to be told he's mistreating you, because that he knows already.
He will continue this way for as long as you let him. I think you should l... (read in full...)
I can't let this man go now he has awoken so much in me...what can we do??
Q. I have been married 9 years and have 2 children. I fell out of love with my husband long ago. I met someone else 6 months ago and he awoke something in me i didnt know i had anymore. I haven't slept with my husband in 3 years. I have kissed a...
A. 10 February 2008: I hadn't seen your updates before I posted my opinion. Well, it seems you're on your way to divorce, and your husband knows.
Try to make your divorce as amicable as possible, and, specially, as easy on your children as possible. I am of the opin... (read in full...)
Could my big breasts turn my bf off??
Q. Whenever it comes to the bedroom, my boyfriend never touches my boobs like he used to. He used to lick them, and feel me up etc but now, they've grown and he just doesn't seem interested. Just because I have large breasts for my age, could this tur...
A. 10 February 2008: Dear poster, let me be very clear. NO. And your thin frame makes you even better. I see you're feeling insecure, but your physique should hardly be a reason. There must be something that's bothering you and you're transferring it to the size of ... (read in full...)
I can't let this man go now he has awoken so much in me...what can we do??
Q. I have been married 9 years and have 2 children. I fell out of love with my husband long ago. I met someone else 6 months ago and he awoke something in me i didnt know i had anymore. I haven't slept with my husband in 3 years. I have kissed a...
A. 10 February 2008: My opinion:
It seems clear that your marriage is beyond the point of no return: it's been three years without any intimate contact with your husband. That doesnt' happen easily. I wonder if your husband hasn't slept with anyone else; I honest... (read in full...)
Could my big breasts turn my bf off??
Q. Whenever it comes to the bedroom, my boyfriend never touches my boobs like he used to. He used to lick them, and feel me up etc but now, they've grown and he just doesn't seem interested. Just because I have large breasts for my age, could this tur...
A. 10 February 2008: Yep, Annalisa is right.... (read in full...)
I prefer natural pubic areas to the fashionable smooth, hairless styles. Why do women think I'm a freak when I explain my preferance?...
Q. I discovered long ago that I'm only attracted to women who keep themselves "all-natural" or at least remain very hairy below the belt. In the past I dated women like this and I never had a problem meeting women who cherished their natural hair ...
A. 10 February 2008: I'm afraid that the issue here is that you want them not to shave. And, whether we like it or not, that is for her to decide. I guess that in a way this is something like your (head) hairdo: you might like women with, say, long hair, but you ... (read in full...)
He texted me and told me to leave him alone because he is physically and emotionally drained... what do I do?
Q. I met a man online, and we clicked right away. We had our first date, and things went beautifully. On our second date, my family showed up, and needless to say it was awkward. The next day he called and cancelled our third date, stating his dad ...
A. 10 February 2008: Leave him alone and move on. He's not physically or emotionally drained: he just chickened out. This is not the man you want, dear.... (read in full...)
How do I tell him we shouldn't talk anymore without offending him?
Q. Hey Aunts, I just want to ask you a question - I'm having a little trouble with me and my boyfriend of 2 years. We broke up and he is so confusing, just always giving me mixed messages, I miss him so much. I've just realized it's time t...
A. 10 February 2008: heartbrokenxx, reading your update I see that I got the meaning wrong. What you mean is that HE is leading you on. Well, again, my advice is, tell him exactly what you feel. Tell him he shouldn't continue to give YOU false hope, that he is ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him we shouldn't talk anymore without offending him?
Q. Hey Aunts, I just want to ask you a question - I'm having a little trouble with me and my boyfriend of 2 years. We broke up and he is so confusing, just always giving me mixed messages, I miss him so much. I've just realized it's time t...
A. 10 February 2008: Sorry, my opinion is absolutely against that of the other posters. If you really don't want to offend him, speak to him in a clear and direct manner, and tell him exactly what you have told us here. Communication is essential in any relationship, ... (read in full...)
We have been dating two months and he is just too much for me.
Q. Ok now I know most women want a man who pays attention to them and kisses them all the time.... well i thought that is what I wanted.. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 months and I feel like I am about to lose it.. He is always texting ...
A. 9 February 2008: I agree with Laura1318: tell him he's becoming a nuisance.
Also, I respectfully disagree with the agony aunts who say you should ask for "space". Your boyfriend sounds like he feels he's in heaven. If you don't speak to him clearly, he will fee... (read in full...)
...he was watching porn and masturbating, without even asking how I'm feeling!
Q. My boyfriend and I were having sex when I felt a severe abdominal discomfort and I asked him to stop. After taking a rest for about 5 minutes, he wanted to force himself into me again but my pain was still there so I said I didn't want to do it ...
A. 8 February 2008: Of course it's not unreasonable. It's clear that he only cared about ejaculating. It didn't even matter if it was through lovemaking with you; he just had to. And that was way more important that anything you were feeling at the moment. You're ... (read in full...)
I love my partner, but I need more sex and he cant keep up due to his age
Q. I am 44 met this man 20 years older than me. He made me feel wanted and loved. He knows exactly what I want and I've never feel so good in my life. Two years on now I love him more everyday and want more sex with him. But he obviously cant keep ...
A. 7 February 2008: I'm afraid we can't help you.
You need to determine whether you will stay with him, even if he can't keep up, or will leave him. He's not getting any younger or more potent.
Also, people will not necessarily need or want sex as often as you ... (read in full...)
My husband is going to be a father, but I'm not the mother, any advice?
Q. I have been married for 14 yrs. We have 3 children 16,12, and 10. We have and presently have a wonderful friendship, sex life, and he is a wonderful father. He has just told me he had an affair with a lady at work with whom he told he was divorced. ...
A. 7 February 2008: I agree with all the posters who say he just told you about the affair because a child had been born. He made things easier for himself only. And he might end up having the best of both worlds, too. I'm in full agreement with what the ladies have ... (read in full...)
My mother-in-law hinted she wanted to sleep with me, I always had this phantasy so what should I do?
Q. Me and my wife have been married for two months. Well her mom and dad just got a divorce. My wife has always told her mom her sex stories. I brought my baby over to her moms house and she was hinting around that she wanted to sleep with me. She said ...
A. 7 February 2008: I'm with eyeswideopen, again. Do you really need to ask the question?... (read in full...)
Only had one sex partner in my life, I can't get past the idea of having a second sex partner! I need advice from the more "experienced" please!
Q. Im 22 and he's 32, we been seeing each another for awhile We have known each and other for 2yrs or so we use to work togather but i quit my job back in may so him and i started seeing one and other after that cuz he was a manager in a diff ...
A. 7 February 2008: You're afraid of what sex will be like between you two. My guess is, it's going to work out fine. It won't matter whether you have less experience than him. That is an opportunity, as you will discover if you're a little playful. Don't worry.... (read in full...)
Too wet!!! Please help!!
Q. When I have sex with my boyfriend I get really wet. I'm serious.... really wet but I usually don't even cum!! I just get very wet. My boyfriend says not to worry but I think it bugs him. How can I not get so wet during sex??? ...
A. 7 February 2008: Yep. If he says he doesn't care - LISTEN TO HIM.... (read in full...)
Do men prefer women confident in their looks?
Q. I'm worried, because I know I'm not unattractive, but I complain sometimes about my hair, or my make up etc. I'm worried this puts my long term boyfriend off me, because I keep seeing people say on this site that men prefer women that are confident ...
A. 6 February 2008: I'm not sure what "confident looks" means. I can tell you that everyone likes to see a well-groomed lady, provided her grooming is not excessive. And a pretty girl should have even less problems with that. Perhaps you're feeling a little ... (read in full...)
I'm willing to wait for her. Should I?
Q. Hey there, let me start this off by saying. My "ex" and I dated for 7 years. With problems (family problem "mainly her parents"). This year is her first year in University. It's been pretty routine that she spend more time with her family, friends, ...
A. 6 February 2008: Just to follow up. She keeps saying contradictory things because she doesn't feel fine to dump you. She knows she is hurting you and that feels just awful. But, look at her actions, which is what matters.
Like the anonymous female poster s... (read in full...)
I'm willing to wait for her. Should I?
Q. Hey there, let me start this off by saying. My "ex" and I dated for 7 years. With problems (family problem "mainly her parents"). This year is her first year in University. It's been pretty routine that she spend more time with her family, friends, ...
A. 6 February 2008: I'm sorry, but I think you shouldn't talk to her about engagement. It seems clear that she isn't into you anymore. I think your insisting would do no good, for you or her.
To me, the fact that you both saw other people means you two were not... (read in full...)
I need my sexual partner to realise I'm in love and care about him, how can I show this to him? - He's very skeptical, having been hurt in the past.
Q. Ok So this man in my life. We're not officially dating but we hang out alot and we are having sex quite a bit, basically friends with benefits. We've been doing this for about a year. which in my mind seems a little long to be doing the whole fuck ...
A. 6 February 2008: Maybe I see things in a simplistic manner. For me, it's understandable if someone takes precautions not to be hurt again, provided those precautions don't mean you close the door to anyone else who could come your way and really love you.
I als... (read in full...)
I didnt have sex with him, but that is what he is telling folks.
Q. I am 15 years old, and I havent had a boyfriend in a long time. Last Friday I stopped over at this lads house who I really like and he said he liked me, too. I am a virgin and we didnt have sex. Then the next day when I went home his friends said ...
A. 6 February 2008: I think he knows he's lied about you and now doesn't want to stand up to what he did.
If he tells people he slept with you, wait for an occasion when he's with friends, and ask him when that was. That will prevent him from saying it anymore,... (read in full...)
I aspired to find someone with the same level of professionalism and potential so should I go with the flow of the courtship and choose this man who is a seller?
Q. OK so I met this guy two days ago when he sold me my new mobile phone. He is 35 I'm 33 we are both single and from the same religion. We hit it off quickly and spent like a half hour talking about our personal lives. He seemed very interested and ...
A. 6 February 2008: Sorry, girls. The other side of the coin. I don't see how his not being a professional defines who he is, or how good he would be to you, the kind of father he would be, or even the amount of money he could eventually have. A relationship needs ... (read in full...)
My parents don't like her parents and therefore disapprove of my relationship with her. What do I do? Please my parents and lose my love?
Q. My name is Amit, Ive been dating a girl called Kajal - its been 4 years. Our parents knew of the relationship and we have subsequently started a business together and have plans buying a property, but we are not married. The relationship has...
A. 6 February 2008: Excellent advice from rcn. I know that families are important in your culture, but, hey, they are not getting married. And sometimes you need to think about yourself. If you don't, Amit, no one will.... (read in full...)
I continued to be intimate with my roommate after he cheated on me. Why?
Q. hello, i was in a strange relationship, started with my roommate, we ended up having sex and creating a relationship, i knew he was going to stay for a few months . also we talked about having other people, i made him promise me to let me know if ...
A. 6 February 2008: Sometimes you need to stop for a while and think whether a person would be likely to do something. For example, in this case, he was sleeping with another woman. You asked him to let you know in case he were sleeping with someone else. The ... (read in full...)
How can I approach my gf on our anniversery even though we are on a break??
Q. Hey everyone. I am 19 years old, and I been with my girlfriend for almost four years now. We have our occasional "breaks" and all. We love each other very much, but right now we are having another break. Too much going on in my life right now and ...
A. 6 February 2008: Sorry. In my opinion, it would be a bad idea to approach her. If you're on a break, you're on a break.
I feel you should use this break to reflect about the relationship. Is it what you want? I wouldn't want to be with a person who breaks u... (read in full...)
Concerned about my penis size and the effects of masturbation!
Q. I am from Hyderabad , India aged 27 years unmarried guy. I have a problem. I am masturbating since 7 years ago on an average 4 times a week from the age of 21. now i feel my penis became narrow in the base and the penis size is drastically reduc...
A. 5 February 2008: Again, I agree with Tom Wilkinson. Three cheers for you, Tom: straight to the point and true.... (read in full...)
I'm 17 & he's 43, is that legal?
Q. im nearly 17 and he is 43 weve been together nearly a year at first i lied about my age but now he knows the truth he still loves me , but is what were doing legal?...
A. 5 February 2008: Excellent advice from Tom Wilkinson. Even if this relationship is legal, it's also inappropriate. You two are too different to have a real relationship that works well.... (read in full...)
Why! has she changed her mind again?
Q. i need some confirmation in something i'm confused about and need some feedback. recently i was involved with someone which i loved dearly. this was the second time we had been involved with each other. first time lasted 2 years and was about 10 yrs ...
A. 4 February 2008: You have been involved with the same person twice, but I believe this is like one single relationship. What happened in the second period obviously had to do with what happened in the first.
You were very clear about how you saw this relation... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask for a phone call everyday in a long distance relationship?
Q. Is it too much to ask for a phone call everyday in a long distance relationship? This is my second long distance relationship where my other decides to not call or return calls for 4 days at a time, when we typically talk daily. I ended the first ...
A. 4 February 2008: Well, this information does change the picture. So it costs him no money to call you, and your real concern is why he doesn't return your calls or messages.
Perhaps he's busy? How often do you send him a message?
My field of work happens to ... (read in full...)
In love with my ex-husband's old friend... how do I make him realize how much HE cares?
Q. My ex-husband's old friend moved in with us last year. We have become very close. My divorce was final at the end of last year and he stayed at my house after my ex-husband moved out. He was NOT the reason for my divorce as there were soooo many ...
A. 4 February 2008: A man's point of view: yes, poster, wait. We could speculate what he is feeling, but what you need to see is what he will do.
I have to make a comment about a post. It's not my intention to make you feel bad, dear poster, but I beg to differ w... (read in full...)
I am confused about my long distance boyfriend
Q. I need help!!! I'm madly in love with this boy. We live 200 miles away and have been together for a year and a half. and we broke up a couple of weeks ago. He doesn't want me to be going out and having fun like he doesn't want me going to my h...
A. 4 February 2008: There's something I don't understand. You mentioned you two broke up. Did you? If you did, then I can't understand him.
If you still think of each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, then I have to say that he is acting this way because he is af... (read in full...)
He said the nicest things but hasn't called in over a week..is this a hint??
Q. Greetings everyone!! Well I've met what seems to be an incredible man 3 weeks ago and at first he seemed very into me. We went out to dinner twice and had a coffee the third time together. He said the nicest things to me, like "he'd never been...
A. 4 February 2008: A man's point of view: he didn't reject you. Much to the contrary, he was honest in saying he felt like he was dreaming. I have the feeling that he was very much considering whether he would go back to his old girl, or he would take his chances ... (read in full...)
Is it too much to ask for a phone call everyday in a long distance relationship?
Q. Is it too much to ask for a phone call everyday in a long distance relationship? This is my second long distance relationship where my other decides to not call or return calls for 4 days at a time, when we typically talk daily. I ended the first ...
A. 4 February 2008: I think I would need more information to give an answer. But I can offer some thoughts:
- How expensive would it be for him to call you every day?
- Could you split the expenses, as in you call today, he calls tomorrow?
- Is it at all possible ... (read in full...)
I had unprotected sex with two different men. Now I am pregnant and confused!
Q. I had unprotected sex with two different men a week apart, dec 29 and jan 3rd. I was supposed to start my period on Jan 19th but I didnt, I took a pregnancy test on the 23rd and found out that i am pregnant but I dont know who would be the dad. Can ...
A. 3 February 2008: I'm afraid that the only way here would be a DNA test.
I suppose you want to be sure who it was, to be able to talk to the man in question. I think you won't be able to do that for a while. Imagine what would happen if you told Mr. A that he ... (read in full...)
How can I make this feeling go away?
Q. Please help me I'm in a state. I'm really in love with someone who I had a serious conversation with tonight I now know there is no point whatsoever of trying with him anymore, he has told me he hasn't got feelings for me and never will. Hard to ...
A. 3 February 2008: Dear poster, my first suggestion is that you overcome this feeling of yours about not wanting to hear things like "you will get over him". I came to this site because of a similar situation. The good agony aunts who helped me didn't tell me what I ... (read in full...)
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